GUEST STARS
Jacqueline Kim (Lao Ma)
Marton Csokas (Borias)
Grant McFarland (Ming Tzu)
Daniel Sing (Ming Tien)

CAST
Daniel Lim (Ming T'ien, 12 years)
Tai Hadfield (Chuang)
Ric Chan (Jiu)
Din Tran (Prison Guard)

CREDITS
Teleplay by R. J. Stewart
Story by Robert Tapert and R. J. Stewart
Edited by Robert Field
Directed by Oley Sassone

The Lying Game

"Last Week On Xena"...as if we could forget...as if you didn't spend an entire week wondering what the hell Gabrielle was thinking...as if you hadn't been counting the minutes until this moment...okay, well, just in case you forgot TPTB have given you the whole forty-five minute episode in less than a minute leading up the moment where Gabrielle betrays Xena. Oh, having to relive the heartbreak and horror all over again. Okay, now on to the new stuff and how this whole goddamn thing turns out. Gabrielle, still looking oh-so-good in royal Chin robes, asks to see Xena, but is denied by Ming Tien, the life she just helped to save (talk about an ungrateful bastar...I mean, this should have the first sign that something was not right with guy...). Meanwhile, on her way to the dungeon wearing a table on her head (no, I swear...an actual table...made of wood...you could put drinks on it and everything...you would think the Green Dragon could think of a better way to make prisoners to suffer...cutting off limbs perhaps...ah...maybe I spoke too soon.), Xena is asked if she was betrayed by a friend. "No, not a friend," Xena replies (oh the subtexter in me was thinking..."lover maybe?). Then, she is thrown into the mucky water beneath her. Talk about cold (I mean this in the figurative and literal sense)...she's naked with a table around her head thrown into waist high dirty water having just been betrayed by the only person she thought she could trust...this is probably what one would consider to be a very bad day.

Meanwhile back above ground, Gabrielle (who's nice and dry) wonders what Xena must think of her right now...ah, betrayed, hurt and pretty wet (get your minds outta the gutter....Xena's there) come to mind. Ming Tien believes Gabrielle is Xena's enemy, now that she betrayed her, she would rather kill her than look at her. Gabrielle, knowing the changes in Xena's heart, believes that he is wrong. Ming wonders why she did it if she loves Xena so much.

"I felt that she would be betraying herself if she went back to the way of murder."
"Murder is in her blood, Gabrielle. Her Soul. It is more natural to her than love."
Gabrielle knows that what Xena did to him was terrible. Ming Tien, however, has a different slant on the past. His past with Xena gave his life a purpose and a direction, and through her, he became the leader he is today...cold, heartless and harsh. (Cue flashblack) Xena, while eating so pork chops (or "other white meat" equivalent) scares the living shi...ah daylights outta the little Ming Tien by taunting him and keeping him hidden behind a pile of rocks (I wouldn't trust Xena to babysit your kids). Stirring fear within the souls of people is what Xena did best back in those days and it is a lesson Ming Tien learned well.

Meanwhile in the dungeon, Xena, stay cold and naked, wonders why men start to have them the shirts of their backs (literally). A man explains that they heard about her attempted asassination of the Emperor, and even though it failed, they want to pay her tribute. And it is then that Xena learns the fate of Lao Ma. Sentenced to death, she let them kill her without a fight. The man wonders if the rumors about Lao Ma's powers were true. Xena assures him they were. (Cue Flashback Close-Up) Lao Ma teaches Xena the finer points of hair grooming...I mean killing...with a hair pin. Aimed at the right body part (ah...how parts are we talking about here), a hair pin can be a very dangerous weapon (try doing the same thing with a safety pin, a sewing pin...just ain't the same). After this lesson in the art of killing, Lao Ma tells Xena she doesn't like to kill, but will do when necessary. Lao Ma then shatters a vase using only her mind. Xena wonder how she does it, and fails when she attempts. Lao Ma sees that she is full of will and desire. Puzzled, Xena asks what else is there?

"Exactly"
"What?"
"The entire world is driven by a will, blind and ruthless. To transcend the limitations of that world, you must stop willing, stop desiring. Stop hating."
"How do I do that?"
"Heaven endures and the Earth last a long time because they do not live for themselves. Therefore, she who would live a long time must live for others. Serve others."
"I could serve you if that's what you mean."
I don't know about you, but I was trying to write down all this mystical wisdom. Sorry. Anyway, Lao Ma knows Xena could serve her, but that would be too easy because to serve someone you love, you believe it will make them love you more (ah, did she say love? Xena...love...she's an animal...but yeah, she does love this woman, that much is obvious...whatever type of love you choose to put it in). The true test would be to serve someone you hate (gotta anyone particular in mind there Lao Ma)...of course...to serve Ming Tzu...the man who had Xena haunted like a dog. I guess Xena will try just about anything to impress this woman because she goes through with it and poses as a servant girl. She has a knife in her hand and is tempted to kill the man who calls her a "worthless whore," but she surpress temptation and lets him live (that took inner strength cause god knows if anyone called me a worthless whore...well then...there is gonna be trouble). Lao Ma takes Xena to see her husband, who lies unconscious in bed. Lao Ma rules in his name so that he will be remembered as a beloved king, erasing the memories of the deeds he committed while a tyrant. She even credits him with her book of widsom (I own my copy of it...Tao Te Ching). Xena figures out that Ming Tien is Lao Ma's child. But before you can say HOLY COW, Xena is slapped back into reality, the present, by Gabrielle (ouch...looks like that hurt....) who wants Xena to promise Ming Tien that she will never return to finish what she started. Gabrielle begs and pleads. They can ride away from it all together, but Xena won't do it. Instead, her mind has another flashback of Lao Ma (hmmm...have you ever had a relationship you just can't forget?). Healing her legs with her incredible powers, Xena is overjoyed...does backflips and hugs her new friend. Back to the present and the harsh reality. Ming Tien sentences her to death.

Ming Tien was going to execute her even if she had promised. Knowing now what kind of a man the Emperor is, Gabrielle asks to see Xena one last time. Her wish is finally granted; after all, he is not a total monster. In the dungeon, Gabrielle walks to her friend (through water, dirty water...cold dirty, filthy water....ah, you get the picture) and wants to have a little chat.

"Can we talk? Of course we can't. I betrayed you. My reverance for life kept a brutal tryant in power and led to my best friend's execution. I know you hate me Xena. Not any more than I hate myself."
"Scratch my nose well ya? I know you only did what you thought was right. I was angry with you, but I didn't hate you. I never could."
I wish I had a friend who would scratch my nose for me..wink and nudge...oh, did I just take a romantic moment and put it in the metaphorical gutter...great, that was exactly my intention. Anway, Gabrielle thinks she understands what Lao Ma meant to her. Lao Ma didn't just save Xena's life, but she saved her soul and her being (wow, that's what I call a spiritual union). Ah...Cue flashback...Xena has learned to surpress her will and learned to fly ("I can fly...I can fly"...did anyone else have Peter Pan flashbacks or was I the only nutball who was thinking of Wendy and Pan...ah, nevermind). Anyhoo...Xena and Lao Ma float above it all (air sex...air sex as it is commonly referred to in the Xenaverse), but everything comes crashing down once Xena sees Borias. She just can't hold in all of her anger and attacks him. Lao Ma asks Xena to just let go of all of it..the anger, desire, her will. Xena muses in the present, "that was my chance," but she just can't do it. She beats Borias senseless before Lao Ma has to break it up. Lao Ma wants peace in her land, and wants to enter a three way alliance with Ming and Borias. They will rule together with her "Warrior Princess" by her side (AHA...so we now know where her title comes from! Lao Ma whatta a woman). Lao Ma leaves Borias and Xena alone to either make up or kill each other, she really doesn't care which...("And if you have sex my floor...so be it"...okay, this is what was running through my head..."bad Argo...bad, bad Argo..."). Xena apologizes to Ming Tzu, but he will have none of it and points out that Xena "belongs" to him. She is his property. Borias speaks up and says he "discovered" her so to speak while Xena feels she belongs to no one but herself (you go grrl!). Hmm...who does the Warrior Princess belong to. I would have played a nice hand of poker, but since poker wasn't around in those days...they decided to duke it out with dice. But could someone tell us how this game worked...I just didn't understand. Xena wants to raise the stakes to include a body part from each of the losers...the minimum bet...a hand (ouch! again...). They rock, they roll...and Xena is the winner. Borias gives Xena his heart and she accepts. Ming decides he just wants to leave. So he tries to get outta the Warrior Woman's way, but ends up with a sword in his chest (triple ouch...that's gonna leave a nasty scar). Witness to all this mayhem and madness is Ming Tien (wow kidnapped and witness to a parent's death...that would send me over the edge). Xena wants to kill Ming Tien too...and wipe out the entire line, but Lao Ma will have no one touch her boy. Instead, she whips Borias and Xena around using her powers. Back to the present, Xena explains how she didn't figure out what Lao Ma tried to teach until a few years ago when she was at the end of her rope and just before she met Gabrielle. This is the debt she owes Lao Ma...saving her soul and helping her find her way. Now, Xena has a date with the executioner! (Insert music...fade to black)

Walking toward her death, Xena's mind can't help but remember Lao Ma's lessons. She is placed on a Chinese character (looking like a cross) and is chained there. Her head is to be cut off across the forehead (now, that's a way to die!). She sees Lao Ma's face and hears her message about surpression of will and desire. Xena closes her eyes and let's go. Suddenly, she has Lao Ma's powers (wish it came in a bottle). She makes weapons fly through the air, planting them in her executioner's back. Freeing herself for the chains, Xena then proceeds to destroy the guards and the castle. Gabrielle tries to get everyone out of the building before it collaspes on top of them. Xena faces off against Ming Tien and throws and energy ball his way. But as she is leaving, Ming Tien emerges from the rubble. Gabrielle worries, but Xena reassures her its over.

Ming Tien learned how to be monster from Xena. Xena knows that and its part of the reason she came back...to clean up after herself. Then, Ming tells her how it killed Lao Ma himself. Xena is shocked and tells him that he killed his own mother. That is why he did it. He knew she would never use her powers to hurt her little boy. Xena's face hardens (the only thing running through my head at this point is..."your dead!"). Ming then hands her Lao Ma's hairpin. Her last request was that Xena have it (oh, you are really dead). He then picks up Lao Ma's book of wisdom and say it failed her in the end. He then proceeds to tell her how she cried like a baby even after she tore her heart from her body (oh you are SO DEAD!). Xena's face says it all.

Gabrielle returns to find Ming Tien seated in his thrown. Xena has made him small again because he has no power anymore, she tells him. She walks out with Lao Ma's book and Gabrielle tells her that by not killing him, she is exactly what Lao Ma wanted her to be. As they walk out, they exchange "I Love Yous." But as he return to Ming Tien's face, we see something that Gabrielle didn't. A hair pin is sticking out of the side of his head. He is dead (told ya!)

Sweet, Little Lies or Points of Interest

So, where did Xena get the design for her chakrum? Check out Lao Ma's doorway.

Lao Ma...as real writer of Tao Te Ching. Tao Te Ching is the source for Taoism. The Tao, as presented in this episode, literally means "the way" and it is a quest to better the world through surpression of will. The historical author is said to be Lao Tzu, but not much known about this figure. Hmmm....could it be...

Subtext Alert: In a recent interview with Jacqueline Kim (aka Lao Ma), she revealed that initially, the relationship between Lao Ma and Xena was much more "romantic" and in fact, pretty MAINTEXT, but she felt that this didn't work for her character so she signed on for the role only if the relationship was made more subtle. If this is their idea of subtle, I would really like to see the original script for these episodes!

Best Line of the Episode: "Scratch my nose will ya!" Runner Up: "Heaven endures..." (basically any Lao Ma-ism) makes it on to this list.

China Girl or My Warped, Weird Theories

Coming Soon....

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Image Links

• Tom's Debt 2 Images
• Michelle's Debt 2 Image Gallery
• MaryD's Debt 2 Montage