I mean, let's examine the various elements of the film. First of all, there's Our Hero, Cameron Poe (Cage). So heroic to the point of parody. Sure, he was imprisoned, but for defending his wife. He risks his life to save his friend and a guard. And of course, he's a former Army ranger. We learn how gosh-darn decent he is in a protracted, unnecessary prologue. He's also a doting father to a daughter he's never seen, going so far as to bring her a birthday gift the day he's released. And I'm sure he always buys dolphin-safe tuna.
Meanwhile, the plane he is flying home in just happens to be occupied with the most vicious criminals in existence. Lead by Cyrus "the Virus" (Malkovich), they take over the plane in a matter of minutes. (Isn't it amazing what you can do with a couple of pins?) Of course, right (eventually) prevails, but only after some of the most ridiculous goings-on in the history of film.
Why, for instance, do some vehicles explode instantly upon crashing (motorcycles during the final chase), while some need a spark (as a jet plane does). I guess somebody flipped the "plot contrivance" switch on the plane. Anyway, the film features the most protracted ending on record (there were at least three good ending points that I counted that were passed up), while the main villain suffers more punishment that Rasputin did before he died. Skydiving into Las Vegas with a planeful of Elvis impersonators is funny. Crashing an airplane full of convicts on the Hard Rock Cafe is silly.
This film is, at worst, stupidly formulaic, but it is not the worst of the genre. At least it is better than last year's mind-numbingly idiotic The Rock. It does share one of The Rock's faults, however. The editing: during action scenes, shots change so fast that one can never really tell what is going on. You can't tell the good guys from the bad guys. What's the point?
As far as stupid action films go, however, this one is brilliantly cast. The aforementioned Cage, Malkovich, Rhames, and Buscemi are all very good, as is John Cusack as a youthful US Marshal and Colm Meaney as the world's jerkiest DEA agent (who gets a very funny comeuppance later in the film). Tony Shalhoub makes yet another edgy character appearance: he's threatening to take away Buscemi's title as "America's most ubiquitous character actor."
A final note: what is the biggest piece of evidence that Con Air is self-parody? The escape of Buscemi (playing a serial child murderer) is played for laughs. Either that, or they are preparing for a sequel, Con Air 2, which will be an action-oriented remake of M with Buscemi in the Peter Lorre role.
Two stars
Copyright 1997 by Dale G. Abersold
