Apart from that, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! Kiss the Girls is a lame-brained, poorly-written copycat of Seven and virtually every other dark serial-killer movie since Silence of the Lambs. Since the screenplay was based on a novel rather than being an original, the novelist and producers can share the blame for this turkey: one for writing the stupid, ill-conceived, illogical mystery in the first place, and the other for thinking it would make a good movie.
Actually, perhaps the producer deserves less blame than the novelist. The trappings of the movie: acting, cinematography, editing, and music, all improve on the story. They don't quite make a silk purse out of a sow's ear, but they at least make a canvas tote bag out of it.
It makes my head hurt to write about the plot, but I'll do it anyway. Ben Cross (Morgan Freeman) is a police forensic psychologist, a man who works out the mental workings of criminals, particularly the mentally unstable. He leaves his big city home to come to North Carolina when he learns that his niece is missing. It seems that a series of girls has been kidnapped, all of them young, beautiful, and talented. So far, three bodies have been discovered. As Cross gets on the case, Dr. Kate McTiernan (Ashley Judd) becomes the latest victim, as she is drugged and locked away in the killer's dungeon. As far as the plot goes, so far, so good.
Then, Cross gets a postcard from the killer/kidnapper, signed `Casanova,' and slipped under his hotel room door. What? No monogrammed handkerchief? Oh, Puh-LEEZE! Who is this supposed to be, a realistic killer, or the Riddler? In other scenes, we see what life is like for the kidnapped women, as they are drugged and raped by Casanova, and occasionally forced to attend violin concerts while dressed in evening gowns. Besides being a pervert, killer, and a control freak, Casanova must have a lot of time on his hands.
McTiernan escapes from her captivity and aides the investigation, which, for no good reason, moves to Southern California. Cross, way out of his jurisdiction, attempts to collar who he believes to be Casanova. Why didn't he get help from the FBI in this matter? No good reason: only so that the California killer can escape his clutches and go to North Carolina, so that we can see that there are really two killers. Whoo-ee. How thrilling.
Anyway, back in Carolina, Cross discovers the secret kidnapping place and kills the California murderer, while Casanova gets away. So naturally, it is time for Ben to leave, since the real murderer is sure to be caught in a matter of days, right? But just as he is about to leave, Cross discovers (bum bum BUM) the secret clue that allows him to discover the identity of the murderer, who turns out to be (surprise surprise) one of the good guys. Ooooooh! What unbelievable crap.
The screenplay isn't so much a script as it is a linked collection of the dumbest-ever mystery movie cliches. Hardly any actions by the main characters make sense. I guess this is what Roger Ebert calls an "idiot plot." For such a plot to work, all the characters have to be idiots. How, for instance, would any cop have enough time to be a serial kidnapper/rapist/murderer and still do his job without his colleagues noticing? Why would a serial killer in a gritty '90's movie resort to tactics like sending mysterious clues to the police, something out of a Charlie Chan movie? Dumb, dumb, dumb.
Yes, the movie had a nice look. Sure, Morgan Freeman is always good, no matter how bad the movie is. Sure, the movie had some interesting/eerie moments. It is for these reasons that Kiss the Girls is getting two stars instead of none. The movie was just plain bad. I imagine the original novel isn't exactly a Pulitzer prize-winner, either.
Two stars
Copyright 1998 by Dale G. Abersold
