DIANA: PRINCESS OF COMEDY
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The death of Princess Diana (also known as Lady Diana) was a shock felt
around the world. But within days, certainly weeks, shock laughs were also
going around the world as office workers swapped "Diana Jokes,"
e-mailers sent them to each other, and various websites proudly vied for
having "the most" or "the best" collection of them.
Lenny Bruce once said that comedy is tragedy plus time. Today, comedy is
tragedy plus a minute.
Why? Perhaps we don't have as much time for grief as before. Perhaps we
have all gotten so used to the world's circus of horrors that clowning comes
more quickly. Some suggest that "sick" humor is actually healthy,
since it's a release from sorrow and prevents us from taking anything too
seriously.
Some dark humorists immediately began concocting these jokes because they
saw a lot of hypocrisy at work. Only a week before, people were outraged
at Diana for frolicking with a rich, greasy Arab playboy (as people were
outraged at Jacqueline Kennedy for marrying a rich, greasy Greek for money).
They saw pictures of "Dodi and Di" in the tabloids and were "disgusted"
that she wasn't with her kids instead.
But once she died, these same people decried the tabloids for hounding
her. They spread the rumor that her Arab playboy was actually her true love.
And Elton John re-wrote a tribute to Marilyn Monroe into a tribute for Diana,
which is a bit like stealing the wreath from one funeral to bring to another.
Thus, the reaction of the masses provokes a dark humorist to make light
of tragedy, not necessarily in disrespect for someone who did nobody
harm and died under tragic and painful circumstances, but in disgust at
the hypocrisy surrounding the case. Some dark humorists simply wish to prove
to themselves, and others, that they are utterly unmoved by the cruelities
of fate and bitterly laugh because all life ends in death and misery.
Below, are some Princess Diana jokes, riddles and songs. There have been
hundreds more, but (believe it or not) these are the wittiest of the lot.
Many were far more childish and cruel.
Yes, it may be more appropriate to play "Pavanne for a Dead Princess"
rather than publish puns about a dead princess. But...well, this IS an awfully
dark website...
THE JOKES THAT WENT AROUND WITHIN A MONTH OF DIANA'S DEATH...
What does Princess Di turn into at midnight?
The wall.
What was Princess Di's favorite cocktail?
Harvey Wallbangers with a couple of chasers.
What's the difference between a Mercedes and a Porsche?
Diana wouldn't be seen dead in a Porsche.
What's the difference between Mother Theresa and Princess Diana?
5 days.
Why was Elton John invited to the funeral?
So at least one old queen would be seen crying in public.
Why did Elton John perform at the funeral?
The Crash Test Dummies were unavailable.
Yesterday a ferryboat leaving Haiti capsized and drowned 300 people. But
a tragedy was avoided when they discovered that none of them on board was
a princess.
What does George Burns and Princess Diana have in common?
They both died when they hit 100.
What's harder than getting red wine off carpeting?
Getting Di off the upholstery.
What did Princess Diana die of?
Car-pole-tunnel syndrome.
Why is Nancy Reagan miffed at Princess Di?
Because Diana gets to wear the next Versace collection before Nancy does.
Dodi wanted to go night-clubbing but Diana just wanted to crash.
What do you get a princess that has everything?
A seatbelt and an airbag.
What's the one thing that attracts Diana more than a wealthy Egyptian?
A solidly built Pole.
What does DIANA stand for?
Died In A Nasty Accident!
( Courtesy of RANDY RIPLEY, ripperatmidnight@netzero.com )
What does DODI stand for?
Died Opposite DI. (variations: Died Of Driver Intoxication, Died On Dashboard
Impact)
What did Prince Charles say when he heard about the automobile accident?
Well, that's the way the Mercedes BENZ.
What does a bee have in common with a Mercedes?
They both make Royal Jelly.
Why is a Mercedes like a squid?
They've both got Di in them when they're opened.
What's the difference between a Mercedes and Princess Diana?
A Mercedes will easily reach 40.
You've read Fergie's books about "Budgie the Helicopter"?
Now read Diana's book, "Crunchie the dark blue Mercedes"
Hear about the new Mercedes?
It comes with two airbags and three bodybags.
What did Princess Diana do when she heard the driver had been drinking?
She hit the roof.
What's the one word that could have saved Princess Diana's life?
Taxi!
Diana's new title: Princess of Walls
What do Lady Di and Pink Floyd have in common?
Their last greatest hit was the WALL.
The Driver turned to Dodi just as they were entering the tunnel and said,
"God I'm so tired! I cannot wait until my head hits the pillar tonight"
What did the Queen say when she heard Princess Diana died in a car smash?
Was Fergie with her?
Why did Di go to Paris?
To get smashed!
Have you heard that Princess Diana was on the radio?
And the dashboard, and the windscreen, and...
Did you hear that Diana had Blue eyes?
One blew out the left window and the other out the right window.
If Diana's heart was in the right place... why was it found in the glove
compartment?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Di
Di who?
See, easily forgotten.
What's the similarity between Princess Di and a landmine?
They're both easy to lay but difficult to clear up.
Prince Charles was out early the other day walking the dog.When a passer-by
said "Morning", Charles said "No, just walking the dog."
When Prince Charles was told of Diana's death he was all ears.
What has 500 legs and 62 teeth?
The front row at Princess Diana's funeral.
What's the difference between the London Ritz and the Paris Ritz?
You get mints after dinner at the London Ritz and minced after dinner at
the Paris Ritz.
Did Dodi do Di before Di and Dodi died?
Did you know Di was on drugs?
Speed, then smack.
What did Princess Di say to Dodi after he gave her an engagement ring?
Aren't we moving a bit to fast!
I say, why couldn't the paparazzi develop the crash photos?
There was bloody Di all over them!
Did you know that when they pulled Dodi out of the car his penis was a
funny colour.
They say it had been dipped in Di.
What's Diana's newest title?
The Lady in Red.
Diana: dead as a Dodi.
The way it happened... someone yelled "Lady Di" and the driver
thought it was an order.
Did you hear that Di is going to get married again?
They say its a match made in heaven.
Candle in the Wind
Goodbye Princess Di
May they all forget you were a tart
And have the grace to shed a tear
Before the rumours start
You went out of the country
And you tried to hide in vain
They saw you in the tabloids
You really should have changed your name
But it seems to me your driver was
Over three sheets to the wind
Never knowing what had happened
When the roof fell in
And I'd have liked to have seen the photo
But then I'm just a lout
Your minder will die of heart disease
Before the truth gets out
Royalty was tough
Those regal ears without a dick
Imagine bedding that one night
We can see you had to split
And 'specially now you're dead
Oh the Brits are all contrite
But when you were alive
They really couldn't give a shite
Goodbye Princess Di
From the young man who doesn't want to know
Who thinks you've run off to the Caribbean
To live with Marilyn Monroe
(and JFK, Elvis Presley, Jim Morrison, Hendrix, Luther
King, Maxwell et al.)
Leader of the Pack
He met her at the lingerie store
She said charlie didnt love her anymore
That's when she fell for dodi el-fayed
The royal family was always putting her down, down down
The Queen mum said that di spent too much on gowns
Charlie was such a mama's boy
he always loved Camilla anyway
that's why Di fell for Dodi el fayed
She heard that Charlie found someone knew
and that he and Di were all through
Prince Charlie was a bum
and Princess Di wasn't so dumb
that's why she fell for Dodi el fayed.
His mum was always putting her down
Charlie liked to play around
He should have had it made
Princess Di was one hot babe
that's why she fell for Dodi El fayed
(from station WCSB 89.3 Cleveland)
Ballad of Jed Clampett - The theme from the Beverly Hillbillies
This is a story about Dodi and Di
they were eating at the Ritz and he felt her thigh
said my chateau is where we outta be
So they got in the Mercedes and drove crazily
Benz that is
Paris France
home of escarots and truffles
she got so excited she almost up-chucked her food
and the people at the Ritz would have thought that was
rude
Please poke me Dodi, I ain't no prude
take me to your chateau, and you can see me nude
so they piled in the Mercedes,
she and her dude
French kissing in France beneath the Paris moon
Well the first thing you know Di gave Chuck the air
Her and Dodi made a real lovely pair
He caressed her tenderly and she didnt have a care
he ran his fingers throught her golden hair
and said her tits looked like little pairs
Anjou, that is
Anjou, France
and kisses sweeter than wine
Well , their wedding would have been a lovely sight
it's too bad that the driver was tight
He drove left but the car went right
into the tunnel in the middle of the night
by the Seine
3 lives down the drain
and the princess screaming in pain
(from WCSB 89.3 Cleveland)
PRINCESS DIANA SONG
(Don McLean)
Bye, bye, driver, Dodi and Di
Drove my Merc to the tunnel but paparazzi were nigh
And good old driver was drinking whisky and rye
Singing this'll be the day that we Di
Now Charles thought he was off scot free
But Camilla said "hey, how about me?"
And Will and Harry were sad as can be
The day the Princess died
Bye, bye, driver, Dodi and Di
Drove my Merc to the tunnel but paparazzi were nigh
And good old driver was drinking whisky and rye
Singing this'll be the day that we Di
Now Di died from a broken heart
Earl Spencer tore the press apart
And Elton's song was very smart
But still the people cried
And they were singing:
Bye, bye, driver, Dodi and Di
Drove my Merc to the tunnel but paparazzi were nigh
And good old driver was drinking whisky and rye
Singing this'll be the day that we Di
This'll be the day that we Diiiii...
What was the last thing Di said to Dodi?
'These paparazzi are driving me up the wall'
What was the last thing Diana said to the paparazzi?
No more pictures, I'm a bloody Princess!
What's the bumper sticker on Fergie's car?
I brake for Paparazzi.
What is the difference between leeches and the paparazzi?
Leeches fall off after you die.
Let's all memorialise the sainted Mother Teresa and the beloved Princess
Diana by eating curry and then sticking our fingers down our throats.
Did the British Secret Service kill Princess Diana?
No, the French underground did it.
What's the difference between Diana and Tiger Woods?
Tiger Woods has a better driver.
Why don't you want to buy golf clubs at Harrods?
Their drivers suck.
A policeman at the scene was trying to take Diana's panties off. The sergeant
asked what he thought he was doing. He replied, "you told me to measure
the skid marks".
Why didn't Superman come and rescue Princess Diana?
Because he's a quadraplegic!
Diana's last words: 'Take me up the tunnel, make me scream!'
What are the last two things Dodi did?
Di
What would Diana be doing if she were alive today?
Trying to claw her way out of her coffin.
Princess Diana and Marilyn Monroe are summoned to the Pearly Gates. St.
Peter tells them there is only room for one famous blonde.
Marilyn exposes her breasts and says, "Look! These are the most beautiful
ones in God's creation, and he should be allowed to see them every day for
eternity."
St. Peter says "very nice", then turns to Princess Diana.
Diana lifts her dress, drops her knickers and douches with a bottle of Perrier.
St. Peter says "Ok, Diana you can go in."
Marilyn is furious: "I show you the most beautiful breasts God has
ever created, and she performs a vulgar act and you let HER in?"
"I'm sorry," says Peter, "but a Royal Flush always beats
a pair."
Is there a new title now for the Princess of Wales?
Princess of Walls.
What's the difference between Dodi and Di and Charles and Camilla?
With Dodi and Di it was just a crush
What's the difference between those who get offended by Princess Diana jokes
and a puppy?
The puppy eventually stops whining.