Once there were three little pigs. Naked, ugly, and utterly devoid of the
essentials in life such as a switchblade knife or can of mace, they were
easy prey for the "non-pigs" of the world, particularly the big
bad wolf.
"I have built a house of straw," said one of the pigs. It is
hard to tell which one, since pigs tend to look alike.
"I have built a house of straw," said the other pig, who, proving
my theory, not only looked like the first pig, but built the same house.
"You are both nothing but swine," said the third pig, who distinguished
himself by his foul temperment. This was due primarily to a quirk of anatomy
which put the two big snout-holes at the wrong end, and a small puckered
opening up front. Not only did he have trouble inhaling, but nobody wanted
to be nearby when he exhaled.
The two pigs who had houses of straw, happily scampered into them at the
approach of the big bad wolf. The wolf, undaunted, blew each house in. Each
time a pig tried to escape, the wolf snapped a garbage can over him and
kept it there until the pig suffocated. Thus, began the invention of the
canned ham.
However our fable is not about the dawn of the age of invention.
The third pig, who did not build his house of straw, simply stood out in
the open and waited for the wolf to arrive. The pig did not object in the
slightest when he too, was suffocated inside a garbage can and gobbled up.
This is because this third pig knew that he was suffering from trichinosis,
and was only too glad to make life miserable for someone else by passing
on the incurable disease.
Especially to the wolf, a notorious anti-Semite and unkosher beast.
Within a few days, the wolf began to stagger about his lair (which was
made of stucco; created from the hardened vomit of several lizards). The
wolf got over his staggering when he fell down dead.
Thus we learn, that whether you are a stupid pig or a gluttonous wolf,
you can not escape your fate, sooner or later. And those who wolf down pork,
are really asking for trouble.