And the same day, 7:30pm, this grim website posts a few jokes about it.
Why? Only to fulfill the notion that nothing is so miserable that it can't be the source of humor.
1.
The Kennedy Family was so upset they called off the Sunday wedding. And William Kennedy Smith was so upset,
he postponed his Sunday night rape.
2.
Why in the world did JFK Jr. let his plane nosedive into the water like that?
He was hunting up Mary Jo Kopechne souvenirs for Uncle Teddy.
Gary K., a friend of Theodore's has contributed...
3.
JFK Jr. and his father were alot alike. They both became famous for going down with two women at the same time.
Meanwhile, the "newsgroups" for tasteless jokes etc. have been recycling this oldie...
Why did JFK Jr. refuse to take a shower the day of the crash?
He figured that later on he'd wash up on shore.
Arriving on Monday to the newsgroups:
What did John say when he reached the pearly gates?
I hope I don't have to take an entrance exam.
What was JFK Jr drinking at the time of the crash?
Ocean Spray.
By July 22nd, with the bodies recovered, the period of mourning seemed at an end. At least, that's when these jokes began to circulate...
What do Kennedys miss most about Martha's Vineyard?
The runway.
What will it take to bring the first family back together?
One more bullet!
Why was JFK, Jr. flying to the Vineyard?
He wanted to crash his cousin's wedding.
What will they name the movie about movie JFK, Jr.?
Three funerals and a wedding.
And now, to the archive of earlier Michael Kennedy jokes...
Michael Kennedy died when he collided with a tree while videotaping
the Kennedy clan on skis in Colorado...He had planned to have
a New Year's dinner featuring (at $150 a plate) caviar and roasted lobster.
Instead, within 24 hours of his demise, I offered a baker's dozen tasteless MICHAEL KENNEDY jokes...I am SO proud that they have since been quoted around the world...
Sonny Bono was killed shortly thereafter, adding to the merriment. The rest of the page is now an "archive" untouched since those deaths. Let us laugh....
1.
John F. Kennedy: Profiles in Courage.
Michael Kennedy: Profile's in Wood.
2.
What a rich Kennedy! Michael had a wood-paneled face!
3.
What's the difference between a dog and Michael Kennedy? A dog barks alot
and bites. Michael Kennedy bites alot of bark.
4.
People say Michael Kennedy was a rich playboy who did nothing. But in his
final moments he made a big impression.
5.
How can you be sure that Michael is really a Kennedy?
Check the family tree.
6.
A simple accident? Some witnesses insist there was another tree at a grassy
knoll...
7.
Michael Kennedy was so extravagent. Instead of a simple dinner he insisted
on a banquet, and instead of a toothpick he got the whole tree.
8.
Yes, Michael Kennedy cheated on his wife and had sex with an underage babysitter.
But in the end, he never tried to save face.
9.
At the end, there was no doubt he was R.F.K.'s son. He was a chip off the
old block.
10.
What does Michael and John F. Kennedy Jr's magazine "George" have
in common? Wood pulp.
11.
Look for the posthumous beauty tip Michael gave to "Cosmo" magazine: "Skiing can be flattering to your face."
12.
It's not surprising Michael Kennedy was horny for his babysitter. At the
very last minute he had a woody.
13.
What's an event you don't want to be at?
A Michael Kennedy New Year's Bash
ADDED JANUARY 2nd, and making it a TOP 20 of original Dead Kennedy Jokes first published on this site:
14.
Michael's estranged wife Vicki was a bit unhappy. She had to wait an extra week to get her present under the tree.
15.
Why is Vicki still a bit unhappy?
For advice on philandering husbands, she still has to go to her father: Frank Gifford!
16.
It's possible Michael killed himself. After the British nanny/babysitter left Boston for home without screwing him, he had nothing to live for.
17.
Where was William Kennedy Smith at the time of the accident??
At the next tree to Michael...raping a knot hole.
18.
Could Michael Kennedy have won an election?
Sure. He was ahead in the poll.
19.
Was Michael Kennedy a liberal?
No, he joined a splinter group of the Birch society.
20.
Their slogan:
Ask not what your birch tree can do for you, but what you can do for your birch tree...
the above jokes originated at THE BROTHER THEODORE/DARK HUMOR WEBSITE http://geocities.datacellar.net/Hollywood/Academy/8135/
(if you e-mail these to your friends or enemies, please include a reference to the website. they might wish to read about BROTHER THEODORE or others here! besides, i am so disturbed, that not only do i write such questionable humor, but wish to take credit for it!)
Over the subsequent days, one joke appeared a few times around the Internet:
"What was the last thing to go through Michael Kennedy's mind?
A branch."
On January 4th, Gregg Ensminger posted these two to the "tasteless" joke Internet newsgroup:
"What's the difference between John Denver and Michael Kennedy?
John Denver made it alive out of Aspen."
Has Elton John re-written any of his songs for Michael Kennedy?
Not yet, but he's done one song about the tree:
"I'm Still Standing"
Less than a week after Michael Kennedy slid into a tree, Sonny Bono slid into a tree. Who else? Thus, '98 started on an incredibly ludicrous note.
Bono was a beloved singer in the 60's (as comical as Ringo Starr) and re-invented himself as a republican politician (mayor and congressman).
And so, within 10 hours of the news, here are these thirteen original SONNY BONO jokes...
1.
What was the most surprising thing about the discovery of the body?
That he was recognized.
2.
Why did Sonny die in a ski accident?
After being a mayor and a congressman, he wanted to be a Kennedy.
3.
What's the difference between Sonny Bono and Michael Kennedy?
About five days.
4.
Police reported it was a quick death. Just like his solo career.
5.
The Grim Reaper's Boss: "I said, "the singer Ono," not Bono!
Dang, this is the second time you botched a job on her!"
6.
What preceded Sonny Bono's senseless death?
Sonny Bono's senseless life.
7.
What was the last thing that went through Sonny Bono's mind?
The 60's.
8.
How was the body found?
Sonny side up.
9.
What were they singing when they discovered the corpse?
"When Sonny gets blue..."
10.
What kind of tribute should Cher perform?
A moment of silence.
11.
How do we know Sonny was a politician at heart?
At the very end, he was stumping.
12.
How will the priest begin the eulogy?
"We are gathered together on this slalom occasion...."
13.
We are all mortal. And in the end, Sonny was just ski and bones.
Over the next few days there didn't seem to be anything new at Usenet. Greg Black and "BillyJoeJimBob" contacted the website, each coincidentally offering the song Sonny must've been singing at the time of the accident: "I got Yew Babe!"
Added January 7th, more website originals......
14.
What does the island of Elba and the Heavenly Ski Lodge have in common?
Bonoparts
15.
Why should we be grateful to Michael Kennedy and Sonny Bono?
They're giving other politicians a good idea.
16.
If Cher had been skiing and hit a tree, she would've probably
lived. It's an even fight, wood vs plastic.
17.
What did Michael Kennedy say when he met Sonny in the afterlife?
What are you doing in this neck of the woods?
18.
A tree turns out to be Sonny's greatest hit.
19.
Hoagy Carmichael: "Stardust."
Sonny Bono: "Sawdust."
20.
What did Sonny say after he heard the news about Michael Kennedy?
"I hope it doesn't happen to me -- knock on wood!"
the above jokes originated at THE BROTHER THEODORE/DARK HUMOR WEBSITE http://geocities.datacellar.net/Hollywood/Academy/8135/
(if you e-mail these to your friends or enemies, please include a reference to the website. the main reason for this site is to call attention to BROTHER THEODORE and have cyber-surfers discover DARK HUMOR and momentarily curse the information superhighway for leading them here)
Within days, the above jokes were all over Usenet, and being sent via e-mail to offices where bored workers were thrilled to find their lives so enriched.
On January 8th, posted by funny-request@clari.net (Funny Guy), a bunch of Bonos he received from his friends and associates:
It has been rumored that the latest ski accidents are a conspiracy - The trees were planted.
[heard on the Bob and Tom radio show - Indianapolis, IN]
What do the Republican and Democratic Parties have in common?
An extra lift ticket.
Grim Reaper Skier's Forecast.......Mostly Sonny.
[both contributed by SNAGORKA@IMR.RJF.com (Scott Nagorka)]
With Sony Bono's death our country has lost both a statesman and an
entertainer. Although on the entertainment side, the only impression he
could do was Michael Kennedy.
[contributed by msherry@freenet.columbus.oh.us (Mike Sherry)]
Posted to alt.tasteless jokes on January 10th, from captaincrude@rocketmail.com:
Sonny Bono is the first case on record of the sap running into the tree...
And also appearing via the "tasteless" newsgroup, these evidently anonymous items...
Q: What's the only thing standing between a Sonny and Cher reunion?
A: Another tree!
Despite what environmentalists want to believe, between Michael Kennedy
and Sonny Bono, I think we're proved trees are non-partisan.
Did you hear Goldman is trying to get OJ Simpson to take up skiing?
Buddy, the First Dog, got into a a fight with Socks, the First Cat. It
seems Socks gave Buddy a pair of skis and a suicide note.
Seems like Sonny died barking up the wrong tree.
Scientists say tree rings predict end of Sonny days.
How interesting to see how quickly tasteless jokes circulate. No doubt by now, you have heard some of what was originally posted here. But do return, because if a ridiculous celebrity dies in a peculiar way, or if the world goes into false spasms of mourning out of all proportion to the person's achievements, and it goes so far as to disrupt regularly scheduled programming (and/or leads to memorial plates, dolls etc).
jokes about the demise WILL BE HERE.
