GROUCHO MARX WAS VERSATILE

HE COULD ATTACK WITH A FREE-STANDING INSULT:

"You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters..."

"You have the brain of a four year old boy and I'll bet he was glad to get rid of it..."

"You suppose I could buy back my introduction to you..."

"I have a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it..."

OR HE COULD DEFEND BY COMING UP WITH A WISECRACK:

I'm a poet, Groucho.
"In other words, you're out of work."

A contralto is as low as a woman can go.
"Obviously we haven't been out with the same kind of lady."

I've been married thirty-one years to the same man.
"Well, if he's been married for thirty-one years, he's not the same man."

Egyptian Contestant: Back then, someone from Egypt (living in America) was a rarity. Today there are millions of us.
Groucho: There's too many of you to suit me.

Beautiful Contestant: My father is a meat distributor here.
Groucho: Your father is a meat distributor? Well, if you're any indication, he certainly knows his business.

It was love at first sight and we've been married for four years.
"Well, why was it love at first sight? Was he wearing his wallet outside of his pocket?"

I spoil my husband rotten...
"Then why don't you shove him in the freezer? That'll keep him from spoiling."