MARK TWAIN


If school teachers tell you to read someone, you won't. If I tell you to read someone, you won't. But if you let your eyes trail down this page, you'll be reading Mark Twain and finding him painfully humorous. In his dark and cynical way, of course. He is a classic. And he once said, "A classic is something that everyone wants to have read and nobody wants to read."




If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

The world consists of the dangerously insane and such that are not.

Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?

Fleas can be taught nearly anything that a Congressman can.

Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.

It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the heart; the one to slander you, and the other to get the news to you.

When some men discharge an obligation, you can hear the report for miles around.

Wagner's music is better than it sounds.