This battle takes place after Battle #23. Read that first!
Battle #23: I don't know what the hell this is
Player Name: Captain Pete [1-1]
THE LEGION OF AVENGING HEROES is playing BINGO!
Arr, don't look at me, I didn't pick the name.
D'RON appeared!
Hey D'Ron, grab a card!
D'RON: This isn't the time for Bingo, you fools! We're in trouble! Fuego the Fire-God wants to kill us all!
Nar, I read the last battle, he only wants to kill ye, not the rest of us.
D'RON: But you guys are my loyal companions and stuff! You've gotta help!
Arr, I fergot that about dat. Explanation, Leonardo, get over here! We're leavin'!
THE LEGION OF AVENGING HEROES are ready for ACTION!
Arr, I doubt this group will ever be ready fer action. They're more like a very intense debate team.
THE LEGION OF AVENGING HEROES is off to BATTLE!
Arr...ye blokes are walkin' straight inta the broom closet, y'know.
That is not a BROOM CLOSET! That is the LEGION OF AVENGING HEROES' armory!
I call the dust pan!
EXPLANATION: You dope, this is where we hide the guns!
Arr, grab me somethin' that wasn't made in the 18th century, okay?
D'RON is issuing WEAPONS to the LEGION OF AVENGING HEROES!
D'RON received CHAINGUN!
EXPLANATION received ROCKET LAUNCHER!
LEONARDO received MAGNUM!
PETE received DUST PAN!
Hey! Ye expect me ta go inta battle with this?
D'RON: Well, we have this BFG in the back, but you did call the dust pan...
Arr, gimme that, ye smart-mouthed bird!
PETE received BFG!
Now I'm ready! What's our first target, cowardly leader?
D'RON: Since I am an inexperienced leader, I have planned our battle strategy carefully, using the examples of a brilliant tactical leader as my influence.
Which one? Sun Tzu? Robert E. Lee? Gen. George S. Patton?
D'RON: No, Lt. Cdr. Quinton McHale!
What?!? The McHale's Navy guy?!?
D'RON: Watching that TV show is about the extent of my military experience, unfortunatly.
LEGION OF AVENGING HEROES is under attack!
Arr, from what quarter?
FIREBAT is bombing you with a SIEGE TANK!
Arr, 'tis a good thing this Bingo hall has a titanium-reinforced roof, or we'd all be dead right now!
D'RON: Charge him, men! Move in close and fast!!
LEGION OF AVENGING HEROES used CHARGE!
I suppose I could make a dozen different bad puns about "charging" right now, but it's just not worth it.
LEGION OF AVENGING HEROES is attacking with every WEAPON they have!
WEAPONS are all EMPTY!
Arr? Were we supposed to be keepin' these things loaded?
FIREBAT exited the SIEGE TANK!
SIEGE TANK exploded for no reason but to produce a cool special effect!
Wooooah!! These great special effects are completely distracting me from this battle's total lack of any plot or humor! Cool!
FIREBAT passed out!
Arr, I wonder why that happened?
EXPLANATION: Beats me, maybe he forgot to take his insulin. Sure makes our job easier, though.
Uh-huh, and and our job was what, again?
EXPLANATION: Um...hell, I don't know. I vaguely remember something about this guy and a mission to save the world, but that might've been another of my LSD flashbacks.
Arr, I suppose it doesn't matter, we're pretty minor charecters anyway. We'll just follow D'Ron's lead an' assume some plot is unfolding itself somewhere.
D'RON is questioning FIREBAT!
Wait, I thought he was havin' a random faintin' spell?
LEONARDO: Maybe we missed some lines of narration back there. It's probably not important.
Arr, good point, Leo.
LEONARDO: Don't call me Leo.
D'RON: I have the answers we were looking for! That coward Firebat ratted out Fuego just like I thought he would!
Huh? Answers? When were we looking for those?
D'RON: Just listen everyone, we have to travel to an alternate dimension known as The Fanfic to defeat the mighty Fire-God. And Pete, don't call him Leo.
Arr, this battle is gettin' kind of weird, mates.
D'RON: That's generally what you get when you pack a Farfetch'd, a pirate, a Bile Demon, and a person with a noun for a name onto one page.
Don't ferget the Starcraft reject!
D'RON: Yeah, him too. Well, readers, thanks for bearing with us through this emotional and graphic episode of The Crimson Version Epic.
Arr, we realize many people out there may be shocked and appauled by the message today's story was trying ta convey, but we felt it needed ta be said.
LEONARDO: Will someone tell me what the hell is going on?
Author's Note: I'm as confused as to what happened in this battle as you are, so relax. We all need to cut loose sometimes, and this is what happens when I try to 'express myself.' Pathetic, huh?