Battle #6: Wasted Space
Player Name: Captain Buff Blastburn [0-0]
Space. Cold. Black. Empty. Lifeless. Desolate. Uh...big. Scary. Um...bad for the travel industry. Uh...it really sucks, that's the impression I'm trying to get across here. And it's up to me, Captain Buff Blastburn, to explore it.
The U.S.S. EXPLORER appeared!
Wow! An alien space ship! Computer, bring up all information on that vessel.
U.S.S. EXPLORER:
Crew: 500
Weaponry: 3,000 heavy plasma cannons
12,500 nova missle launchers
6,320 electro-blasters
Hmmm...looks quite formidable! Still, those slimy aliens have never beaten me before! Right, computer?
COMPUTER: Records show 342 victories against enemy space debris and 0 losses.
That's right, computer. Open contact with the alien ship.
U.S.S. EXPLORER has been contacted!
EXPLORER CAPTAIN wishes to know what you're doing here!
I am Captain Buff Blastburn, toughest, bravest, and handsomest space captain to ever sail the stars! Who are you?
EXPLORER CAPTAIN says he is here to apprehend an M.H.E.!
Computer, what's an M.H.E.?
Mental Hospital Escapee.
Interesting...
EXPLORER CAPTAIN says the M.H.E. escaped from Starlanes Sanitarium two days ago in a Class D shuttle, and is using the alias Buff Blastburn!
What? He must be posing as me! He even has the same ship type!
U.S.S. EXPLORER is locking it's weapons on your ship!
Why, you backstabbing aliens! You want to pin this maniac's crimes on me, do you?
EXPLORER CAPTAIN says he is not an alien!
Lies! I know of your shapeshifting abilities! You've just changed shape to look like a human, but my Sensotronic Hand Scanner tells me who you really are!
SENSOTRONIC HAND SCANNER: The temperature is now 72 degrees Fahrenheit.
See? Only an alien could have a body temperature that low!
EXPLORER CAPTAIN: You fool, that only measures room temperature!
Vile deceiver, your vile decptions won't trick me! I'll deal with you the same way I destroyed all that space debris that you released into space to crash into me!
EXPLORER CAPTAIN: And how is that?
I'm going to ram you at full speed!
CLASS D SHUTTLE used RAM!
...
Well?
Hey, traveling through space takes a long time!
Okay, I'll wait.
...
I wonder if I've got minesweeper on this thing...
U.S.S. EXPLORER was RAMMED!
It didn't disintegrate like all that space debris did! What gives?
U.S.S. EXPLORER is powering up it's weapons!
Yipe! Computer, evasive manuevers!
CLASS D SHUTTLE is using EVASIVE MANUEVERS!
3 weapons missed!
21,817 weapons hit!
This is gonna hurt...
CLASS D SHUTTLE was destroyed!
BLASTBURN used EJECT!
Noooo!! My ship! I'll get you back for this, you evil monsters!
U.S.S. EXPLORER used TRACTOR BEAM!
BLASTBURN was pulled into the airlock and arrested!
Oh man, back in the lock up. At least I've got my trusty computer for company, right computer?
I just realized I was destroyed with the shuttle!
End transmittion!