With plenty of Doompuff satire, super-powerful long-named attacks, and more lawsuits than you can shake a stick at, Crimson Version's first fan battle is as close to political humor as Poke Battles ever gets(if you could count the Network as a political structure). It's also much better than the title implies.
Fan Battle #1: A Dangerously Unfunny Battle
Player Name: Guy with no name [No Record]
Author: MYOKAWA@aol.com [New Author]
GUY WITH NO NAME has an idea!
No I don't!
GUY WITH NO NAME is a moron!
No I'm not!
THIS BATTLE is NOT FUNNY!
So? What's your point?
BATTLE is DANGEROUSLY UNFUNNY!
Is that bad?
DUH!
NARRATOR must make POINTLESS BATTLE FUNNY!
EVIL DEMENTED RABID FOAMING AT THE MOUTH FLAMING EVIL RABID DEATHPUFF OF DOOMSDAY appeared!
EXTRA appeared!
EXTRA: I claim this name in the name of Stupid Version!
EXTRA was devoured by...the thing with the really really big long name!
Uh, I hate to interrupt, but this battle still isn't funny.
YES IT IS!
No it isn't!
YES IT IS!
No it isn't!
YES IT IS!
Yes it is!
NO IT...ha! You thought I'd fall for that?
Yes.
DACTA MPR'S LAWYER appeared!
Dacta MPR has a lawyer?
DACTA MPR'S LAWYER was renamed BOB!
BOB says you STOLE that from WHITE VERSION!
No I didn't!
BOB refuses to get caught in that trap!
WARNER BROS. LAWYER ARMY appeared!
GUY WITH NO NAME is counting LAWYERS!
Twenty-six hours later...
...Two billion three hundred and four, two billion three hundred and five...
LAWYERS are tired of loafing around!
BREAD appeared!
PORTAL TO WHITE VERSION opened!
BEESQUITO appeared!
BEESQUITO devoured BREAD!
BEESQUITO ran away!!
Um...now that that's over with, let's fight!
ERIC MHE appeared!
ERIC evolved into ERIC THE CRAZED CEREAL KILLER!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
ERIC sent out ERIC!
ERIC used KILL!
ERIC used LIFE!
The cereal?
DUH! ERIC is, like, a cereal killer!
JASON ROSS'S LAWYERS appeared!
BILL GATES'S LAWYERS appeared!
JASON ROSS'S LAWYERS WERE RENAMED TO JASON ROSS'S ARMY OFCRAZED DEMENTED LAWYERS!
Oh, that helps a lot.
AUTHOR knows CUT and PASTE! MWAHAHAHA!
Could you please just get on with it?
Fine, fine (grumble)
JASON ROSS'S ARMY OF CRAZED DEMENTED LAWYERS: You stole the Life joke from Red Version battle number...uh...
Forty minutes later...
JASON ROSS'S ARMY OF CRAZED DEMENTED LAWYERS: ...uh...uh...
GUY WITH NO NAME is growing, like, impatient!
Hey! You're...
NARRATOR PULLS OFF MASK!
NARRATOR is really RADICAL ROB!
RADICAL ROB PULLS OFF MASK!
RADICAL ROB is really TREE!
TREE PULLS OFF MASK!
TREE is really-
Uh, excuse me Mr. Narrator, but this battle is already...(counts lines)
OH NO! BATTLE is getting LONGER!
READERS are ANGRY!
WHAT? READERS are evolving!
Isn't that "ARE" evolving?
NO!
READERS evolved into ANGRY MOB!
ANGRY MOB wants to fight!
ANGRY MOB sent out TREE, MIKE THE WEIRD, JESS MPR, FLASHFIRE, EVIL RABID JIGGLYPUFF OF DOOM (Aqua Version), METAL DOOMPUFF, EMPORER SLOTH, LORD SLOTH, JOE, BOB "THAT GUY" SMITH, BILL "THAT CELLO" SMITH, EMPORER SLOTH, CHARITY, EVILEE, CUTEPUFF, MCZ, DOUBLE D, FARMER BROWN, MRS. BESSIE, LANCE, LANCE BASS, SPARKS, RAIMEW OF EVIL, BEESQUITO, MASHU-SAMA, FIREBAT, MR. MACHO GUNG-HO ACTION MAN, DEUTCHLANDER, D'RON FARFETCH'D, and 5,636,453 EXTRAS!
is that all?
THAT'S ALL THE AUTHOR CAN THINK OF RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh...boy.
ANGRY MOB and NUMEROUS ALLIES surrounded YOU!
Hey! My name is Guy with No Name, not You!
TOUGH!
Boy, this battle has everything but the kitchen sink...
KITCHEN SINK APPEARED!
KITCHEN SINK used REALLY LONG ATTACK THAT DOESN'T REALLY EXIST BUT IS SUPER EFFECTIVE ANYWAY!
Boy, that's a really long attack that doesn't really exist but-(gulp)
EVERYBODY ELSE was ANNHILATED!
KITCHEN SINK WINS!