Untitled Fanfic
The Conclusion to the Crimson Version Epic

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Chapter One: The Good Guys...Sort Of

The four beings emerged from the gaping hole in the Time/Space Continuum like some really impressive simile that I can't think of right now.  The leader, D'Ron Farfetch'd, materialized first, shaking off his wings to get rid of that nasty Time/Space residue that makes flying so difficult.  Following him was the swashbuckling pirate Captain Pete.  Pete had to shake off some Time/Space residue too, because it was unseemly to try swashbuckling with that gunk all over you.  Third came Explanation, a being which, ironically, I can't explain at all.  Somehow he wound up with a wad of Time/Space residue in his mouth, and he promptly spit it out.  The last person to appear from the Hole was Leonardo Da Vinci, a hideous, disgusting, and brilliant creature.  He made no attempt to brush off the residue.  In fact, with all the various oils that constantly leak from Leonardo's body, he didn't even notice it.

Explanation, the most outspoken of the group of heroes, decided to make a witty and intelligent comment on the Time/Space residue.  "That crap is gross," Explanation remarked.

Captain Pete turned to his ally, and delivered a clever and crisply-timed retort.  "Shut the hell up," he said.  Explanation, admiting defeat in their battle of wits, oblidged the Captain.

D'Ron, clearly not impressed by his companions' use of "humor," looked around the surrounding area.
They were standing in an alleyway, that much was certain.  What's more, the alleyway was the exact same place that Leonardo joined the group of heroes.  It was also the place where Leonardo introduced his zany pals(loosely defined) to his most dangerous and unstable invention ever, the temporal reality dislocator.  Coicidentally, the temporal reality dislocator is also the reason the four jerks...er, I mean, heroes, have returned to this time and place.

There was, however, one other thing in the alley that D'Ron found a bit peculiar.  Five extrememly-dirty looking hobos were apparently living out of the temporal reality dislocator, as well as using it as a crude bathroom and a spot to conduct grisly ritual sacrifices to their god of death.

The other guys noticed the filthy, back-alley weirdos.  "Arr, now what would those fellers be doin'?" asked Pete.

"I don't care," Leonardo said.  "Just get them away from my machine!"

Leonardo, Pete, and Explanation prepared to attack the homeless perverts, but were halted by D'Ron.  "Hold on a second, guys," said D'Ron.  "Don't those other guys look somewhat familiar?"

The three allies examined the five hobos more closely this time.  "Hey, they do look familiar!" Explanation exclaimed.  "That one looks just like..." Explanation looked closer still.  "No wait, never mind, I never seen these guys."

D'Ron narrowed his eyes at Explanation in a way that would be considered menacing, except for the fact that D'Ron weighs about 10 ounces.  "You fool," he said.  "You're supposed to know who these guys are!  We talked about this before the fanfic!  It's a major plot point!"

Explanation rolled his eyes in a way that asserted he had in fact noticed D'Ron only weighs about 10 ounces, and wasn't feeling very threatened.  "Well excuse me Mr. Anal, I'm so sorry that we can't all live up to your 'show up to important meetings sober' standards!"

D'Ron sighed and turned back to the five greasy bums, who were busy trying to suck the beer out of a napkin someone dropped in the alley.  "I suppose we'll have to fight them now," D'Ron said.

Explanation smiled meancingly.  "Good.  But, why are we fighting them?"

D'Ron shrugged.  "Damned if I know.  The writer told me to attack everybody we meet in this fanfic, though.  I'm sure he must have a good reason, like keeping the readers from realizing that this fanfic has no plot or storyline at all."

Explanation shrugged as well.  "Whatever.  I just asked as a formality."  He grinned warmly.  "Now, shall we commence with the butt-kicking?"

Explanation didn't receive a spoken answer, but the spray of shots that issued from Leonardo's revolver and slammed into the chest of the nearest bum answered his question eloquently enough.  Unslinging his AK-47 from his shoulder, which he happened to bring with him as I forgot to mention, Explanation clicked the machine to "full-auto" and pulled the trigger, filling the narrow alleyway with rapid thunder.  Large slugs punched large holes through the various objects that were in front of them, which included cardboard boxes, windows, trash cans, dumpsters, small animals, several innocent bystanders, and the temporal reality dislocator.

"You fool!" Leonardo screamed in rage and fear.  "Don't you realize what you've done?" he shouted, nearing panic.  The other three adventurers stared at him, bewildered.  There was an unearthly flash of light, and an unearthly sound... and both of them were originating from the bullet hole in the side of the temporal reality dislocator.  Leonardo waved a fearful finger at the hole.  "We're all going to die!" he screamed, over the unearthly noises which were growing exponentially in volume.  Without warning, all five senses of D'Ron, Leonardo, Explanation, and Cpatain Pete were blotted out simultaneously, as their physical bodies discorporated and their souls were drawn into the temporal reality dislocator.

Little did Leonardo Da Vinci know how wrong he was when he made the assumption that they were all going to die.  The four heroes did not die, of course; they're too important to the story.  But they did wind up... elsewhere.

Chapter Two: Untitled