Neek's Jokes

Just want to have a few laughs ? You have come to the right place. This page is full of jokes that I have collected from friends and the web. So enjoy and don't forget to check it back in the near future for more jokes as this will be updated frequently.

Diver

Men VS Women

Person In Charge

Roooaaaarrrrr

The "Lighter" Side Of Marriage

Diver

One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 ft below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba gear whatsoever.
The diver went below another 20 ft but the guy joined him a few minutes later. The diver went below 25 ft, but minutes later, the same guy joined him.
This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalk-and-board set, and wrote, "How the hell are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?"
The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote,
"I'M DROWNING, YOU MORON!!!"

Men VS Women

There was an Auction, and on the auction table ther were two large jars. One held the brain of a Woman and the other held the brain of a man.
A person at the auction was looking at the jars and noticed that the brain of the man had a price of $125,000 and the brain of the woman had a price of $25,000.
So the person asked the auctioneer how they could ask a price of $125,000 for the man's brain, and only $25,000 for the womans brain. The auctioneer replied that the brain of the man had never been used !!!

Person In Charge

An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site.
The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Irishman, "You're in charge of shovelling." And to the Chinese guy, "And you're in charge of the supplies."
"Now I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that pile."
So the foreman goes away for a couple of hours, and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched. He says to the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" The Italian replies, "I didn't have a broom. You said the Chinese guy was in charge of supplies, but he disappeared and I couldn't find him."
So the foreman turns to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel. The Irishman replies, "I couldn't get myself a shovel. You left the Chinese guy in charge of supplies, but I couldn't find him."
The foreman is really ticked off now, and storms off toward the pile of sand looking for the Chinese guy. Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile and yells: "SUPPLIES!"

Roooaaaarrrrr

One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them around said, "See that old man asleep in the chair by he fireplace? He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you'll never forget."
They awakened the old man and asked him to tell them a hunting story. "Well, I remember back in 1944, we went on a lion hunting expedition in Africa. We were on foot and hunted for three days without seeing a thing. On the fourth day, I was so tired I had to rest my feet. I found a fallen tree, so I laid my gun down, propped my head on the tree and fell asleep. I don't know how long I was asleep when I was awakened by a noise in the bushes. I was reaching for my gun, when the biggest lion I ever saw jumped out of the bushes at me like this, ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!. I tell you, I just shit in my pants."
The young men looked astonished and one of them said, "I don't blame you, I would have shit my pants too, if a lion jumped out at me." The old man shook his head and said, "No, no, not then-just now, when I said ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!"

The "Lighter" Side of Marriage

(1) Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence (a life sentence!).
(2) Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.
(3) Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.
(4) Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.
(5) Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.
(6) Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit.
(7) Marriage is not just a having a wife but also worries inherited forever.
(8) Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "RINGS": The Engagement Ring, The Wedding Ring, The Suffe-Ring, The Endu-Ring
(9) Married life is full of excitement and frustration:
(a) In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
(b) In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
(c) In the third year, they BOTH speak and the NEIGHBOURS listen.
(10) It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener.
(11) Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
(12) It's true that all men are born free and equal - but some of them get MARRIED!
(13) There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.
(14) A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.
(15) Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it. Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries. Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!
(16) There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married.... and then it was too late!"
(17) Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
(18) They say that when a man holds a woman s hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defence.
(19) When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
(20) There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL.

Just want to have a few laughs ? You have come to the right place. This page is full of jokes that I have collected from friends and the web. So enjoy and don't forget to check it back in the near future for more jokes as this will be updated frequently.

	Diver
	Men VS Women
	Person In Charge
	Roooaaaarrrrr
	The "Lighter" Side Of Marriage


	Diver
	One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 ft below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba gear whatsoever. The diver went below another 20 ft but the guy joined him a few minutes later. The diver went below 25 ft, but minutes later, the same guy joined him. This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalk-and-board set, and wrote, "How the hell are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?" The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote, "I'M DROWNING, YOU MORON!!!"


	Men VS Women
	There was an Auction, and on the auction table ther were two large jars. One held the brain of a Woman and the other held the brain of a man. A person at the auction was looking at the jars and noticed that the brain of the man had a price of $125,000 and the brain of the woman had a price of $25,000. So the person asked the auctioneer how they could ask a price of $125,000 for the man's brain, and only $25,000 for the womans brain. The auctioneer replied that the brain of the man had never been used !!!


	Person In Charge
	An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Irishman, "You're in charge of shovelling." And to the Chinese guy, "And you're in charge of the supplies." "Now I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that pile." So the foreman goes away for a couple of hours, and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched. He says to the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" The Italian replies, "I didn't have a broom. You said the Chinese guy was in charge of supplies, but he disappeared and I couldn't find him." So the foreman turns to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel. The Irishman replies, "I couldn't get myself a shovel. You left the Chinese guy in charge of supplies, but I couldn't find him." The foreman is really ticked off now, and storms off toward the pile of sand looking for the Chinese guy. Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile and yells: "SUPPLIES!"


	Roooaaaarrrrr
	One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them around said, "See that old man asleep in the chair by he fireplace? He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you'll never forget." They awakened the old man and asked him to tell them a hunting story. "Well, I remember back in 1944, we went on a lion hunting expedition in Africa. We were on foot and hunted for three days without seeing a thing. On the fourth day, I was so tired I had to rest my feet. I found a fallen tree, so I laid my gun down, propped my head on the tree and fell asleep. I don't know how long I was asleep when I was awakened by a noise in the bushes. I was reaching for my gun, when the biggest lion I ever saw jumped out of the bushes at me like this, ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!. I tell you, I just shit in my pants." The young men looked astonished and one of them said, "I don't blame you, I would have shit my pants too, if a lion jumped out at me." The old man shook his head and said, "No, no, not then-just now, when I said ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!"


	The "Lighter" Side of Marriage
	(1) Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence (a life sentence!). (2) Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached. (3) Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind. (4) Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters. (5) Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes. (6) Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit. (7) Marriage is not just a having a wife but also worries inherited forever. (8) Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "RINGS": The Engagement Ring, The Wedding Ring, The Suffe-Ring, The Endu-Ring (9) Married life is full of excitement and frustration: (a) In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. (b) In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. (c) In the third year, they BOTH speak and the NEIGHBOURS listen. (10) It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener. (11) Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that. (12) It's true that all men are born free and equal - but some of them get MARRIED! (13) There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced. (14) A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes. (15) Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it. Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries. Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE! (16) There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married.... and then it was too late!" (17) Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock. (18) They say that when a man holds a woman s hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defence. (19) When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why. (20) There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL.