Raw, 2/7/05
(where you can kind of tell that I was getting recap-burnout, from the fact that I only typed it up a month later.  Heh.)

-- Hey, their pyro is different than ours.  Well, that's just not fair.

-- Dude, Japanese signs are sweet.  They put, like, real *effort* into it.

-- Ah, Bisch.  Hated worldwide.  At the crowd's reaction, he gives them a cocked eyebrow.  Heh.

-- I love that the crowd is reacting before Bisch even gets translated.  (Why are they booing the translator, btw?  Are they protesting that they don't need him?)

-- ...Did the translator just say "HKB"?  'Cause I'd boo him too.  Once I was done laughing.  Hee, HKB.

-- Ah, Ben-n-Jeri.  Bisch says it *needs* no translation.  You know...I had a story about them in Japan once.

-- Lilian's shirt is cute!  ...I wonder what it was.

-- Fozzy ad in the corner of the screen for CJ's entrance, despite the fact that he is (thankfully) still using his regular music.  Yeah, plug that CD!  And then good luck finding it.

-- BnJ smash up again.  Ceej?  Is really hot.  Just so you know.

-- JR says their first match against each other was 10 years ago in Japan.  Ooh, I wonder if that's the one on my tape?  That match wins.  For "come on, motherfucker!" alone.

-- I <3 Japanese fans.

-- JR: "These men know each other very well."
me: "Heeeeee."
Jay: "They're both wearing green, I notice."
me: "Heeeeeeeeee."
Jay: "You know what they have to say?  It's not easy being green."

-- commercials

-- Jay: "Do you think we'll see the Wild Man From Japan Imori [sp]?"
me: "...Somehow, I doubt it.  Unless he's in the crowd."

-- So.  That octopus hold?  .........Yeah.

-- Why wasn't there some ASKHIM action?

-- Oh, there it is.

-- The film quality of this show is much better than London.  Do you think it's because it's pre-taped, or is it something else?

-- Oh, he's so pretty when he's half-conscious.

-- Bellyflop O' Carnage.  Which was *so* unnecessary right there, especially considering that this is a submission match and all, and the BoC is not exactly wearing down anyone's extremities.

-- Jerry doesn't know anything about strategy, yo.

-- It's much harder to get the WoJ on than the Crossface, isn't it.  Advantage: EDGE Benoit.

-- So.  That pseudo-Crossface that Benny used to win?  Which was really more of a choke?  Totally breathplay.

-- ....What?  (*hides*)

-- They shake hands.  Ceej is all, ow.

-- Jerry (plugging for further in the show): "An All-American Diva Fashion Show."
Jay: "Oh, whoop-de-doo."
me: "Hey, *Victoria* is going to be on *Raw*.  Show some respect."
Jay: "Yeah...I just wish it wasn't in that way."

-- commercials

-- Travel clips.  I swear I saw a Blade: Trinity poster in there somewhere...they won't let it go.  OMG AUSTIN???  ...Oh, wait, it's Val.

-- Legitimate Businessmen's Club.  Flair serenades Hunner (no, I don't know either) and brags about Evo.  Trips is very interested in his boot.  He also continues to pretend he's conflicted about Dave's career path.  Bitch, you're schooling fooling no one.

-- Why is Flair lisping?

-- They hug, apparently in slow-motion.  Heh.

-- Backstage, Jay^* looks hot and talks to a journalist.
Jay^*: "For all my Japanese peeps, or as I like to call them, my Jeeps --"

-- They run into Stacy.  The reporter loses interest in Jay^* and asks where Randy is.  (What?  WHY?)  Jay^* makes fun of Ort, 'cause really, it's like shooting fish in a barrel.  Stacy's all, don'tchu be dissin mah MAN, and Jay^* shows off his Japanese skillz, sending Stacy to challenge Randy by proxy.  Jay^* then exposits that T2 is instead going to do his dirty work (as usual).

-- commercials, including Braveheart!Trips.  Why does Ric *have* a donkey, anyway?

-- Maven, sans translation -- OMG THOSE *TIGHTS*.

-- Maven: "Why wasn't Maven in the Royal Rumble?"
impressively loud fan: "'CAUSE YOU SUCK!!!"

-- Enter TFD.  Sign: "Batista Will Be The Next Man"  ...What?
Oh.  I just figured out what it meant.  But still.  That's...vague.

-- Dude.  That was the squashiest squash in Squashdom.

-- Another random clip on the 'Tron.  In this one, Big Show says TFD's "a big fish in a small Raw pond".  I'm sorry, are they trying to imply that SmackDown actually has a talent pool?

-- commercials

-- TFD, backstage.  Bisch bumrushes him.  Dave's mad.  Bisch bargains.  Hey, you don't think they'd spitefully trade Dave to SD because he talked smack about it (*cough*)liketherestofus(*cough*), right?  They're not *that* stupid.

-- LaRez vs. Tajiri/Regal.  Heh, I'd say the latter team is pretty over here.

-- More like *Tajiri* being over.  [Well, yes, Jay, I'd say that was *implied*.]

-- I miss Tajiri's kicks when they used to "kill" the opponents.  That was great stuff.

-- Word.  Well, that enziguri was fun, at least.

-- The green mist really *proves* what I've always said, that refs are inherently stupid.  I mean, think about it.  Not only is it what I've said before, where a ref turns around, then turns back and someone is suddenly knocked out?  No, on top of that, their face is suddenly GREEN.

-- Anyway, that means they won, so it's not like it matters.  Heh.  Tajiri talks to the crowd in the home tongue.  Then they hop *into* the crowd.  A small riot breaks out.  Good times were had by all.  Except security.

-- Jerry: "As you always say, JR, that match is next!"
Jay: "He *always* says that?  'Oh, German Suplex by Benoit, and that match is next!'"

-- commercials.  I want a Grilled Stuft Enchilada.

-- The crowd claps along with the Raw music.  Right on.  I still <3 Japan.

-- Hall of Fame package, but the same one they showed on SD.

-- JR mentions that Ric & Shawn are HoF-bound.  Not unlike Kittie.

-- There's a whole lotta signs for Shawn.

-- Jay: "We should count, in the match, how many backdrops Flair takes!"

-- He's turned it into a whole involved thing.

-- This match is about PSYCHOLOGY.

-- It would be really funny if, like we yell "TWO", the crowd here yelled, "NI!"

-- Jay: "Wait for it...The Power of Christ compels him!"
me: "Even on his injured leg?  He was HEALED!"

-- Anyhow, Shawn wins, even selling a bit for good measure.  And I forgot what else I was gonna say, dammit.

-- commercials

-- Rewind: Kane introduces Snitsky to the cage door, and makes sure they become intimately acquainted.  Now go scrub out your brain from the usage of "Snitsky" and "intimate" in the same sentence.  I'll wait.

-- ........

-- ........

-- Okay.  Well, it's only fair, I mean, Jerry makes *my* brain hurt.

-- Vicky's got ripped shorts.  Oops.  (Unless that's intentional?  I don't know.)

-- Okay, Victoria and Maria hugged, but nobody hugged Christy.  Heh.

-- Simon Dean interrupts, deciding he needs to steal the airtime.

-- Wah, I want Victoria to beat him up.  Why the hell is Christy doing it?

-- I HATE YOU, VINCE.

-- commercials

-- Jay: "You're just pissed off 'cause you know Edge is going to lose his match."
me: "I knew he was going to lose his match when they announced it."
Jay: "You're mad Chris Jericho lost *his* match."
me: (*glower*)
Jay: "No, I know -- you're mad that tonight, you're not going to get to see Gene Snitsky!"

-- LBC.  Ric rubs his chin.  Trips poses his brilliant plan for world domination to Dave.
Ric: "It's bigger than DX, it's bigger than the Horsemen..."  OMG RIC WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU.  Dave says he'll think about it.

-- Adam talks crazy to Coach aboat how everyone's ignoring him.  He's very mad aboat it.  Poor rage-filled Adam.

-- commercials

-- More travel stuff.  That Trips sign was awesome.
Ort: "These Japanese women have *energy*, and I love it!"  Slut.

-- Speaking of whom, here he is, followed by T2:
me: "Oh, wow.  Another reason for Jacksonville to be proud."
Jay: "Yeah.  First Fred Durst, and now this."

-- Jay^* comes out, dragging Stacy, presumably for distraction.

-- They keep saying Randy's one headshot away, and I keep thinking they mean pictures.  Because I'm an idiot.  Or possibly I've just spent too much of my life hanging around actors.

-- Randy grabs the front of T2's tights to pull himself upright.
me (sounding physically pained): "Puhhhhhhlease don't do that."

-- Randy continues selling his concussion.  Uh, is this going somewhere?

-- Well, he wins, though.  Stacy looks concerned.  Jay^* cheapshots him and gives him the Unprettier.  Jay^* still looks hot, btw, if a little bit like a choreographer of some kind.  He's faaaaaaaabulous.

-- JR: "Next, the main event!  From Japan!"
me: "Really?  The main event is from Japan?"
Jay: "Yes.  Only the main event."

-- commercials

-- During The Break, refs helped Randy jerk around the emotions of some nice Japanese girls.  Meanies.

-- I was tempted to say this show needed more Helms, but it's not like he'd have won or anything.

-- They show the clip from last week, like it directly relates to what's going on here.

-- Hee, the crowd pops for the belt.  I love that.

-- Heeeeeee, JR said Trips is fat and slow.  ...Okay, he didn't, specifically, but I can pretend that's what he meant.

-- Jay: "I think HHH is the fan favorite in this match."
me: "Of course he is.  'Cause he's big!  And a personality!  And it's Japan."
(Everyone pretend that made sense.)

-- commercials.  Ah, Rocky, I miss you.  We discuss his brand-new lack of contract, and I comment that I didn't know he had one before.
Jay: "Just because he only wrestled twice a year, that doesn't mean he didn't have a *contract*."

-- (I don't remember the context of this...maybe I was trying to figure out what Adam and Hunner have in common?)
me: "...They're blond."

-- JR: "That was a close near-fall!"
me: "As opposed to what other kind of near-fall?"

-- Jay: "The crowd is STUNNED."
me: "No they're not!  They're Japanese!"
...I swear, in my own context, that makes perfect sense.

-- JR promises updates on Orton's condition, like they would really get any in the overrun.

-- Adam spears the ref.
Jay (grudgingly): "Okay, that time it didn't look like Chioda was putting himself in the way of the bump."
me: "I'm sure he'll be happy to hear that."

-- Dave steals the chair that somebody (like I remember) has dragged into the ring.  Adam & H³ give him the exact same WTF? face.  Hunner hits Adam, who hits Dave.  Spinebuster Of Destrucity on Adam.

-- Trips eventually wins.  Duh.  Raising Hunner's hand, Dave gives the Oversized Belt a covetous look.  Hunter catches him.  It's hot.

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