Raw, 12/6/04
(where Chris Jericho is your party host, and unsurprisingly, it's one of my favorite Raws ever.  If a little fruity.  Which *also* shouldn't be a surprise.)

-- Hee!  Ceej's geeky General Manager pic.  I love it.

-- Abusing his power right from the start, CJ has Fozzy playing for him.  Awww, I miss The Kidd.  ...I'm just sayin.

-- Highlight Reel.  OMG TEH HOTTNESS.  (*DIES*)

-- Er, sorry, I'll try to keep from doing that...too much.  CJ opines, "When you think of tropical islands, the first thing that comes to mind is Charlotte, NC in the middle of December!"  Hee.

-- CJ promises that "everybody gets [laid] at Y2J's party!" and OMG LEIS DROP FROM THE SKY.  That is the most awesome, dorkiest thing EVER.  I am still so mad that I'm not married to that geek.

-- Ceej happily heads out of the ring to chill with the crowd, asking a girl in the front, "Can I get a lei?"
me (nearly frothing at the mouth, as you can imagine): "ANYTIME YOU WANT, BAY-BAY!"
CJ (as the girl puts one around his neck): "...She just gave it to me!"

-- He announces that, keeping his party rolling, they'll later have Rock-N-Roll Diva Limbo-A-Go-Go, or something like that.  With musical accompaniment from none other than Fozzy!  Who play a bit, for the camera.
Jay: "The Duke just got lei'd."

-- Enter Vince, to clarify what the hell is up with the championship, anyway.
Mom: "He always walks like he's got shit stuck up his ass!"  ...Uh.

-- I like the stars they put up on the back of the stage.  That's faaaaabulous.

-- Vince: "When you've got two contenders who cancel each other out, neither one would be named champion.  Therefore --"
Trips' music immediately hits.  He's got a tanning-bed burn.  Dipshit.

-- Vince fucks with Trips' head a bit, congratulating him, before adding, on his book and movie.  Speaking of the movie, Vince says the cast consists of "Ryan Reynolds, Jessica Biel, Triple H, with Wesley Snipes".  *With?*  It's not like he's the title character, or anything.

-- After all that, Vince announces nothing, deciding that he'd rather not get involved (well what the hell was the point then?) and leaving it to Bisch, when he comes back next week.  Trips hates Vince.  The crowd hates him more.

-- Hunter, in his effort to express his displeasure, seems to have forgotten The Troll Face entirely, looking constipated instead.  Mom complains, "That is the *stupidest* face."

-- commercials.  Jay laughs at the Dubba's claim that "The Rise and Fall of ECW" actually *is* available where DVDs are sold.

-- Trips, in a rage, attacks Craft Services.  Omigodno!  Not the helpless food! ...Well, that's *one* way to lose weight.

-- He also demands of Dave (who's in a suit...mmm, suit!Dave) why he's not angry on Trips' behalf, or something.
TFD (calmly): "I'm mad, man, I just express it in different ways."  Heh.

-- In the BischCave JeriCave, Ceej observes Hunter's fit on a monitor, and proclaims that now he won't let Hunter have any party favors, or something similarly cute.  I love my geeky GM.

-- Also, for the record, the drinks they've got at this party?  Distinctly pinkish.  I'm just sayin.

-- Jay* crashes the office!  (VIVA CJAY!)  ...WTF, what is he *wearing*.

-- Awww, their luv is still true.  I mean, Ceej doesn't seem at all perturbed at Jay*, does he.  I want to point that out.

-- Eep, it appears that the fashion is going to get even *worse* for our dear CLB, as Ceej is forcing him to wear something that is VERY BRIGHT PINK (much more than the drinks) for his match.  Jay* grudgingly heads off.

-- OMG BENNY.  Just *hanging out*, just off-camera.  He and Ceej lowtalk at each other.  CJ makes a match, with the two of them as tag-partners.  WTF.  WTFFFFFFFF.

-- Chris should just run this show all the time, yo.

-- Random Trish/Amy flashback, promoting their match later tonight.  Woo!

-- commercials

-- Bodyslam of the Week: Maven inexplicably beats up Eugene.  That's just sad.

-- Enter Eug/Reg.  Jay: "...Did Eugene just hug a midget?"

-- Enter Maven.  The crowd is STUNNED.
Jerry (right as I'm writing this): "Listen to this crowd's reception for Maven!"

-- Quote I wish I remembered the context to because it made me laugh:
Jerry (to JR): "I had a bad day, I didn't come out and slam your head into the announce table, did I?"

-- Maven shakes hands with Eugene.  Regal is suspicious (as usual).

-- Ticker 2.0: Hunter's book, WoD (no, I don't remember what that stands for), WWEShop (who are bitches that don't take checks), stuff for the troops, WWE Interactive.  Somewhere in here, Regal is tossed from ringside, but I don't know why, as I didn't have enough time to write it down.

-- Maven looks really crazy.  Then he snaps and goes all heel.  Wait, he's Edge now?

-- Regal runs back out to save, and Maven clocks him with a belt.  I have no idea where it came from, and have to ask Jay.  Apparently they're tag titlists?  Who knew?  ...Okay, aside from Jay.

-- commercials.  Another fun contextless quote: "You've got total happiness on your shirt."  Heh.

-- CJ has a very big stick.  ...With which to limbo.  Ahem.

-- WHO THE HELL ARE THESE BITCHES.

-- Heh, Stacy's too tall to limbo well, and Christy *totally* cheats to win.  OMG Christy is possessed by Pikachu.

-- Ceej takes to the stage to do the crappy Originals song, while the Divas (and Diva Pretenders because SERIOUSLY, WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE) dance in the ring.  They get through the verse and chorus, then the power goes out.  Hey, it's MH³ on the Tron, making an analogy that my notes refer to as "cracked-out", although I neglected to write down what it was.  But you've heard his promos, I'm sure you'll agree with me.

-- Anyway, he's finally debuting next week.  Which, you know, should go over like gangbusters.  I'm surprised the Dubba isn't just going all out and having him debut in highly tolerant NYC.  (*cough*)

-- commercials

-- Rewind: Nova vs. Hurrosey.  JR: "How can anyone like Simon Dean?"  Uh...*does* anyone?

-- Hey, Shane's sans shirt again.  Nice.

-- Jay: "I think Nova needs a little of that Simon System himself."  Word.  That is some sad irony.

-- Nova does a choke and pushups at the same time (because he's an Innovator of Offense, dammit).  Jay: "I wonder if Scott Steiner ever did *that*."

-- Hurri goes for the Shining Wizard and gets rolled-up, Dean pulling the tights.  PULL HARDER, NOVA.  ...Dammit.

-- More Trish/Amy flashbacks -- the Diva Bridal Shower.  Which really doesn't go with the dramatic music they're playing.

-- commercials.
Guy:  "My car was my *baby*."
me: "My baby?  My baby HE WAS MAH BAYBAY!" [/X-Ent]

-- Ort with Coach.  He's filled with glee re: Trips.
Randy: "Chris Jericho throws this kickass party, he literally hands out party favors, and Coach...you still can't get lei'd."  (Lord knows *he* did.)

-- This week, we get a visit from Angry!Adam.

-- Sign: "I Stole Edge's Charisma!"

-- Adam says that he held the belt, and "I've never felt anything so good in my *life!"  Don't tell his wives.

-- He blames Ort.  Adam: "So, Randy..."
me and Adam IN UNISON: "*I* suggest --"
(I don't hear the rest of the sentence, as it is drowned-out by my five-year markout scream.)

-- Orton comes out, calls Ad on his futileness.  Adam fires back by saying that Ort is his bitch.  Hey, by extension, does that make Mick Adam's bitch too?

-- Anyway, Ort jumps Ad, and they have refs pull them apart, but only Adam manages to bust out of his ref-cluster for an attack.  Randy's just not committed enough, yo.

-- commercials

-- Blade: Trinity promo stuff, including Trips giving Ryan Reynolds a powerslam.
Jessica Biel: "It's like having a building fall on you, isn't it?"
Jay: "Ha!  She said he's heavy as a building."

-- Shelton vs. Jay*, whom T2 has to drag out from backstage.  Clad in the Ceej-provided "Captain Charisma" outfit, he looks kind of like The Flash, if he were a gay insect.

-- Hee hee...it's hot pink.  He's a superhero!....AT THE GAY BAR!

-- I think he should wear that outfit all the time.  And then he should feud with Shane.  Yes.

-- Ticker.  While it ticks, we discuss the Captains that CJ listed when he was giving Jay* the costume.
Jay: "He forgot the best captain of all!"
me: "Captain Jack Sparrow!"
Jay: "Jack's gonna come *after* him the next time they fight."

-- Screwjobbyness, but Shel kicks out.  He's SUPERBENJ!  Jay*'s mask winds up backwards and Shelton gets the pin.

-- CJ's on the stage again.  He makes a match for next week.  (Is he allowed to do that?  Isn't it out of his jurisdiction?)  Then he and Fozzy sing Jay* out of the ring.

-- SDRebound: TL pits DiBradshaw & Virglando against Taker.  Random crowd shot, for no reason.  Group beatdown on Mark, but he gets to make a Rilly Evil Face.

-- commercials

-- Flashback.  Wedding clip.  You know, I didn't *see* the wedding, but I feel like I did.

-- Amy, backstage, gets accosted by Snitsky.  It's funny because she can't seem to decide if she's afraid of him, or just really pissed off.
Snitsky: "It's too bad your BABEH won't be here to cheer you on!"
me: "What?  That makes no *sense*."

-- He is the fucking scariest thing ever.

-- Earlier Tonight, Vince was all, bitch are you for real?  (Sekritly, I say, yay Bisch!)

-- Speaking of whom, Flair speed-dials him, and he and Hunter shill on his answering machine, which is pretty funny.

-- OMG Dave is the *logical* one in this group?  I like it.  (ATWP shoutout!)

-- Dave: "As far as I'm concerned, there's only one world champion."  (*leaves*)
Hunter:  (*grins broadly...then thinks longer and makes a O_o face*)
Flair: "He's talking about you!  He's talking about *you*."

-- commercials.  Jay freaks out that the Women's Title match is the main event.  I say good for them!  It's nice when the Dubba pretends to show the division some kind of respect.  (*cough*)

-- Dave/Flair come out first.  Dave bows to Ric in Flair Country.  'Cause he's logical.

-- Lilian announces Trips as "Former World Champion".  Trips visibly says, "WTF?  You *bitch*!" and *books* it to the ring.  Lilian HAULS ASS, hopping the barricade and taking off through the crowd.  She wipes out near the stairs, but should get credit for managing to clear the guardrail in boots and a skirt.

-- When Benny tagged CJ, I swear I thought I heard someone yell, "Tag!"  I am amused by that.  It should catch on, it could be the new "TWOOOOOO".

-- commercials

-- During The Break, Flair distracted the ref and Ceej got a Spinebuster Of Destrucity.

-- Heh!  Benny, off the HOT TAG, hits Flair and gets booed for it.

-- Sign: "Edge Should Be The Champ".  I'm just kind of amused that someone genuinely thinks so.

-- OMG THE LOVE WALLS/CROSSFACE!  WTF!  WTFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!

-- Trips grabs a chair, hits Benoit, gets DQed, hits the ref (um, why?), tries to hit Ceej and gets Dave instead, and *then* hits Ceej.  Flair's all, "WHY HUNNER WHY?" and cradles Dave, who looks up at Hunter all addled and cute.

-- Backstage, Trish stretches in a very fanservicey manner (also, I irrationally take this as an RVD shoutout), and Amy walks up.
Trish: "So.  The Walking Kiss of Death.  Whose career do you plan on ending tonight?"
me: "Uh...Trish...she's fighting *you*.  Think about this."
Amy:  "Yours."

-- At which point Amy GRABS Trish and OMG KISS!  FEMSLASH OTP!!!!!
(...My brain breaks.)
me: "*DUDE!*.....ICONS!"
Jay: "...Normally I'm not for the lesbian stuff, but that? ...Was fucking *beautiful*."

-- commercials
Jay: "They want your Bod!"
me: "No, they want *your* bad!"

-- JR: "Next week, Eric Bischoff returns!"
Jay: "Hopefully he'll have more hair by then."
me: "That's the *real* reason he took a month off.  Vain bitch."

-- Lilian is back, btw, to announce that this is Amy Country.

-- Amy does a suicide dive to Trish and HOLY SHIT lands on her head.  *That* is a Casket Match Injury if I've ever seen one.
Jay (same thing, simpler): "There goes *her* career."

-- Actually, she keeps holding her jaw.  Maybe she's lucky and just fucked up her mouth.

-- Amy goes up for a superplex.  DUDE.  That's hardk0r.

-- Spot, spot, spot, spot.  I can't really write about the match because I'm *watching* it.  It's actually *good*.

-- Anywho.  Ames hits the Fake Twist Of Fate and the moonsault (and it looks *good*, instead of like she fell and just happened to turn over), and BICKETY BAM!  Gets the belt in Amy Country.  To give you an idea of just how well this goes over:
JR (in full-on end-of-show freakout mode): "LITA IS THE NEW WORLD'S -- *WOMEN'S* CHAMPION!"

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