By:Denise James
Jim couldn't take it any longer. Blair was going to get some good nights sleep, if he had to knock the kid out himself. Blair had been tossing and turning all through the night, for the last several nights. Jim knew the cause, and he was beginning to see the effect it was having on his young guide. Black smudges, made his usually bright eyes, appear hollow and dull. His eyes no longer danced, pain had taken that away. Finally after Blair flipped over again, Jim sighed. "That's it!" He crawled out of bed, and came down the steps to the main floor. He walked past Blair's room to the kitchen. Blair's heartbeat told Jim that the kid was still awake. Opening a cabinet, Jim pulled out the prescription Dr. Wisenthall had given Blair. Blair had refused to take it. Tonight he would, even if Jim had to sit on him and force the pills down his throat. He filled a glass with water and walked to Blair's room. He knocked lightly on the door before going in.
Blair had been laying in the darkness for hours. Trying to keep his mind busy with thoughts of work, or anything else, that might help him stay awake. His head was pounding now as it had been for the last couple of days. Blair had been running on reserve energy, and that was quickly depleting. He rolled over onto his side. The sudden movement caused a sharp pain in his left eye. He moaned softly, praying that he wouldn't wake Jim up. It felt as if someone were using a spoon to extract his eye from it's socket. It almost felt like the sinus headaches he often got, but he knew that it had originated from stress and tension. His nerves were shot, he wasn't sleeping, and he was finding it hard to keep any food down. When his nerves were fried, his whole body paid. He pushed his head further into his pillow, hoping the added pressure would somehow drive the pain away. He knew he shouldn't take any more Tylenol. He didn't want it in the first place, but Jim had insisted on it, and Blair didn't have the strength to force the issue. There was the prescription ... no that would only knock me out. I have to stay awake. He sighed heavily and rolled over onto his back again. This time taking care not to aggravate his headache anymore. He stared through the darkness of his room to the ceiling. He was so tired. His head hurt, and the combination of the two paired with his emotional state were beginning to weigh on him. His depression felt like a weight wrapped around his heart. He could feel himself being pulled under, a little more with each day. It was just a matter of time before he would be drowning in it, and he knew Lash was waiting for him. Waiting patiently in the dark confines of Blair's depression. Probably smiling and dreaming up some new form of torture for Blair. Blair was pulled from his nightmarish thoughts by sounds of water running in the kitchen. "Great." He said softly to himself. Now Jim is awake and he is going to be pissed at me. Blair wanted to cry. He felt as though he had lost what little control he had on his life. A soft knock came on the door. He hates me. Blair thought while trying to force the tears back.
Blair quickly closed his eyes trying to pretend he was asleep. "Forget it Chief. I know you're awake." Jim growled, as he set the glass on the night stand. Blair opened his eyes. "What are you doing awake Jim?"
"I can't sleep with all of the activity going on down here."
Blair looked confused, then realized what Jim was hinting at. "Oh, Sorry Man...I umm..."
"I know. You can't sleep. Here take these." Jim said taking the top off of the medicine bottle. "Hold out your hand."
"Jim, I don't need those." Blair's eyes pleaded tiredly with Jim, as he pushed himself into a sitting position in bed. He hated taking medication. Unless it was something natural, Blair would rather do without.
"I know Chief. But I do."
Blair looked at Jim. "Huh?"
"I am your blessed protector, right?"
Blair smiled at the name that he had dubbed Jim. "Yeah." He said softly.
"Well your Blessed Protector can't sleep when you are like this. I know that your health is not getting any better due to the sleep loss, and it is worrying me."
"Jim I..."
"Let me finish."
Blair nodded.
"Ever since our little run in with Lash, you have been having trouble sleeping. Stress, and lack of sleep, are causing your headaches. This will help you to relax. You will go to sleep, when that happens your headache will subside. You'll be as good as new after a little rest." Jim looked at Blair smiling.
He made everything sound so easy. Take a pill, go to sleep, and everything will be all better. How could Blair tell Jim that he was afraid to go to sleep. Every time he closed his eyes he could see Lash standing over him, with that crazed look in his eyes. Trying to be Blair. Then He would see Lash and Jim fighting, going through a window, and he heard their screams as they crashed through the floor. After a few minutes, he heard a gun go off. Not just once, but five times. Blair just knew that Lash had gotten Jim's gun. Why else had there been so many shots fired. Jim was trained. He could have killed Lash with one shot.
No...every time he closed his eyes he relived everything again. The fear of dying, the fear of Jim being dead, the anguish of having been caught by that psycho, and not being able to stop him. There were just too many emotions for Blair to sort through. Blair closed his eyes and took a deep breath, preying that it would calm his nerves.
"Chief?" Blair felt a strong reassuring hand on his shoulder and opened his eyes. The sadness Jim saw there, almost broke his heart. Blair looked like a lost puppy. Jim set the bottle of pills on the night stand. Then sitting down next to Blair,he pulled the young man into a tight embrace. Blair was startled by the suddenness of Jim's actions. Jim could feel Blair tense as soon as he pulled his guide close, but he held him tightly and soon Blair relaxed, allowing the warmth of Jim's embrace to envelop him. He felt safer than he had in a long time. Even before the Lash incident.
Blair closed his eyes, as moisture began to fill them. He didn't want to cry. Not in front of Jim. He barely knew this man. Jim could feel Blair's breath on his neck become ragged. The tears that fell from Blair's tired red eyes, slid down his face and onto Jim's bare shoulder.
"I'm sorry Man." Blair tried to pull away, suddenly embarrassed for his tears. Jim must think I am a big baby. He thought, but Jim pulled him even closer and tighter.
"It's okay Blair. Let it go." Jim was surprised at himself. He wasn't normally like this. He had served as a member of the Army's special forces, and he was a tough cop. But he was going on instinct now, and something told him that Blair needed this. Jim held the young man, as Blair's body shook from the sobs. Finally his breathing slowed, and the tears were less frequent. "I was so Scared." He said so softly, that only a Sentinel could hear.
"I know, Blair." Jim said in a calm soothing voice. " I was too."
Blair pulled away and looked at Jim, his blue eyes shimmered from unshed tears. He wiped the tears away with the palms of his hands. "Come on man...You are never scared." Blair said sniffing, feeling like a very small child.
"Yeah, right Blair." He looked at Blair seriously. His jaw twitched before he spoke. "Blair, when I got your 911 that night, I was scared that I wouldn't be able to find you in time. The loft was destroyed from the struggle you put up. I could only imagine what he was doing to you. I was running on a hunch...guessing where he might have you. I was so relieved when I heard your voice, and I knew you were still alive. When I finally made it into the building, and saw how Lash had you chained in that barbers chair, and that he was forcing you to drink something. Well....I snapped."
Blair looked at Jim, with fear in his eyes. He never dreamed Jim would *ever* loose control.
Jim took in a deep breath and then continued. "And then we fought. I was lucky he didn't get my gun when we fell through the floor. He had several chances. When I finally had my gun in hand..." Jim looked like he was a thousand miles away, reliving the moment. "He was coming at me again. I aimed and fired, and fired again, and again, until he fell. I couldn't stop until he fell. I could have emptied the whole clip into him. I was *that* scared." Jim looked at Blair. "You see, I couldn't live with the thought of that bastard hurting you. I had to kill him. It *all* had to stop."
Blair was horrified now. "Jim...you didn't...I mean...You killed him because of me?" Blair's guilt spilled over into the question. It was obvious, even without Jim's sentinel abilities.
"No Chief!" Jim tried to sooth his young guide. "I mean...How can I put this....I killed him in self defense."
"But you said..."
"I know chief, but his death was *not* your fault. He brought it on himself. The guy was sick. He had no identity of his own, so he stole those of others. It was just a matter of time." He finished with a sigh. "I guess what I am trying to say Chief...is that I was scared too. I was scared for you...myself...and his next victim. I could have just wounded him, but something told me it had to end. Right there. The next thing I knew Lash was dead." Jim looked at the floor. It was then that Blair realized that Jim was dealing with demons of his own. It was his turn to help his friend.
"It's okay Jim. No one is questioning your actions. You did the right thing. You had a choice to make and you made the right one."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah." Blair said thoughtfully, while picking at a piece of fuzz on his blanket. Then he looked back at Jim, forcing a smile. "We wouldn't be having this conversation if you hadn't. You saved my life man, and no telling how many others by taking him out." Blair reached over and squeezed Jim's shoulder. Jim often did the same to Blair when offering reassurances, and it always helped. He only hoped that it would have the same effect on Jim.
Jim looked at Blair, and then at the pills on the night stand. "Hold out your hand Chief."
Blair furrowed his brow. "Awe, come on Jim." He pleaded.
"Now junior."
Blair complied, he held out his hand, as Jim shook two very large pink pills into it. "Geez...Could they get any bigger?" Blair whined.
"Here." Jim handed Blair the glass of water. Blair took it making one final attempt at getting out of taking the pills, by flashing his best puppy dog eyes. Jim responded by crossing his arms over his chest and glaring down at the young man.
"Oh man, this really sucks. Don't you think that two pills may be too many?" He was stalling now.
"The label states, one to two pills every four hours as needed. Take them...*Now*."
Blair popped the pills in his mouth and took a drink.
"Uh Uh Chief, swallow them."
Blair looked at Jim innocently.
"We could do this the hard way." Jim said taking a step toward Blair.
"Okay, okay!" he said, pills rattling in his mouth. Another long drink and he finally managed to swallow the pills. "Are you happy?"
"Let me see."
Blair opened his mouth moving his tongue around. Sometimes Jim had a way of making him feel like a five year old, and this was one of them. "Okay, now lay back down." Blair laid back against the pillows looking like a scolded child. Jim smiled inwardly, happy to see that Blair hadn't lost all of his innocence. "Oh by the way Chief."
Blair looked back at Jim. "Yeah?"
"I have made an appointment with the department psychiatrist for you. Its tomorrow at four."
Blair sat up in protest. "Jim, this is so not fair man! I can't beleive you. I just need a little time to sort everything out." Blair was growing angry now, and his head was pounding from the sudden surge of emotion.
"Whoa, calm down Blair." Jim said as he walked back over to Blair, pushing him back into the pillows. "You won't be going alone."
Blair cocked his head sideways, wincing from the pain. "I'm not?"
"No. I'm going too. I have a few things that I need help sorting out myself."
Blair realized, suddenly, that he felt better. He wasn't sure if it was the drugs, or if it was Jim's words. He didn't really care, because now he knew that he wasn't alone in his fears. Blair didn't like the fact that Jim was carrying around so much guilt, but just knowing that he wasn't the only one having these negative emotions, made him feel a little better. The young man finally allowed himself to realize, that it was just a normal aftereffect of the ordeal, that he had gone through. Jim was there, as always, to help him through it. It felt like a weight had been lifted from his tired shoulders. Blair knew that together, he and Jim would beat the demons that haunted their souls, and soon thier lives would be back to normal. "Jim?" Blair called quietly as Jim was leaving the room.
"Yes?"
"Thanks man."
"Anytime Chief, Sweet dreams." He heard Blair snort as he shut the door.
Twenty minutes later, Jim was lying in bed. He had been focusing on Blair. Finally his heart rate began to slow, and his breathing became deeper, more even. Jim smiled, as he began to hear soft snoring echoing in the kid's room. He waited just a few more minutes, deciding that Blair would be alright, he closed his eyes. 'Sweet dreams Blair.' He prayed that he too would be able to sleep. His prayers were soon answered as he drifted off in to a peaceful oblivion.
This is my first missing scene. Did I do okay???? I hope it was smarmy enough for ya!!! Anyway I know I keep promising to write something longer, but after playing A/P supervisor all day, housewife night, and cybergeek (thanks for the nickname Kelly!!!) anytime I get the chance, the short ones are just sooooo easy. I am working on other stuff..."I promise!!!"
Thanks for reading it!!!
Denise
P.S. I must thank Sue Wells for sending the Grammer Police after me. I spent a little time in lock up and was able to think about my mistakes. Don't worry, it wasn't too bad. The guys gave me all of the coffee and doughnuts I could ever want. (grinning evilly!!!)
Comments???Santana