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The drive back to the helicopter was quiet until Philip woke up, screaming. It took Nick nearly five minutes of softly murmured reassurances to calm him, and by the end of it, the ex-SEAL was beginning to seriously worry about both of his lovers.
Nick had to fly the helicopter back, so Alex was in charge of watching Philip. Nick radioed ahead to have Rachel ready, although he refused to disclose the nature of the injuries as anything more than 'contusions, abrasions and lacerations'. When Alex asked him why, he explained that he didn't trust the radio to be secure, and *should* Arkadi be listening, he refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing how much upset he had caused.
While she thought Nick might be acting a little paranoid, when Philip murmured, "Arkadi knows more 'bout Derek than we do," she began to think Nick might have the right idea after all . . .
Unfortunately, before she could ask Philip to elaborate, he lapsed back into unconsciousness. "Nick, we've got to get him to Rachel," she said, smoothing sweat-soaked hair from Philip's face. "*Fast.*"
Rachel let out a heavy sigh as she quietly shut the door behind her and looked at the expectant faces before her. Nick looked like he was going to barge right past her whether she wanted him to or not, but she wanted him to hear what she had to say, first. "Well, he wasn't lying to you," she began softly, "He hasn't actually been raped, but he *has* been terribly violated. Nick, he keeps insisting he has to talk to you -- alone. I've got him lightly sedated now that he's out of shock and stabilized, so expect him to be a little out of it."
Nick nodded, then looked at Alex and said, "I'll tell him you're worried about him."
She forced a smile, then said, "I think I'd better get working on finding Arkadi, now that we at least know Philip's going to be okay."
"Thanks," Nick said quietly, knowing that she'd wanted to see Philip but also suspecting why he didn't want to see anyone else quite yet. He had to know what Philip had learned, but was terrified of what it might be . . .
As he reached for the doorknob, he heard Rachel tell Alex, "I'll come with you and help in any way I can." Then he opened the door and slid quietly inside the room, closing and locking the door behind him.
Philip was lying on his side in the bed, hugging one of the pillows close and murmuring something. When Nick got closer, he realized his friend was praying. "Hey, how you doing?" he asked softly, sitting down on the edge of the bed and gently stroking Philip's arm. Philip stopped praying and looked up at him with red-rimmed eyes.
"Oh God, Nick, 'm so sorry . . ." The despair in his voice broke Nick's heart.
"It's not your fault, Philip, there's nothing to be sorry for! That bastard kidnapped you, used you, and tortured you! You sure as hell didn't ask him to do it," Nick said, his fury at Arkadi barely kept in check. "I don't want to drag all of this up, but . . . Rachel said you hadn't been raped, just beaten. Is that true, or did you . . . did you lie to her?"
Philip swallowed hard, nausea rising as he thought about his ordeal, and shook his head. "No, I didn' lie 'bout that," he answered so quietly Nick had to lean closer to hear. "He knows, Nick," Philip continued despairingly. "He knows 'bout you an' me, 'bout us an' Derek . . . He said he was punishin' me for my sins . . . Oh God, Nick, he just kept whippin' me and whippin' me an' I swear he was gonna come in another second." He paused, trying to choke back the sobs that were threatening to return, then continued, "I know he would've if Derek hadn' shown up and stopped him hittin' me . . ."
Nick gathered Philip into his arms and gently rocked him, taking care not to press on or move the dressing that had been taped over his wounded back. "It's okay, Philip, it's over -- he's never gonna hurt you again because I'm going to kill him," Nick murmured. "I'm gonna get Derek back and then I'm gonna kill Arkadi -- slowly."
"But he's right, Nick, I *am* sinnin'," Philip whispered, blinking tears frantically from his eyes so he could see Nick's face. "Every time I'm with one o'you I'm breakin' my vows -- I'm a sinner and I deserve t'be punished."
Nick grabbed him by the shoulders and looked him in the eye, horrified by his statement. He knew -- had known for some time -- that Philip had never really come to terms with himself over the supposed sins he committed with them, but he'd never expected his friend to think he *deserved* to be beaten by one of their enemies . . . _What the hell do I tell him? How do I get him to realize he's done nothing wrong when the damned Church says he has . . . When he's breaking a promise he's made every time he's with one of us. Oh shit . . . Arkadi, you bastard, I'm going to make you hurt for a *long* time for this one . . ._
"Philip . . ." he said softly, releasing his friend and wiping the tears gently away, "I-- I know you're breaking your vows when you're with us, and I know you feel guilty for doing it, but *nothing* you've done, or ever could do, could possibly make you *deserve* to be tortured by that bastard. *NOTHING.*
"He said that to upset you, Philip -- he *knew* he could get under your skin that way and use your guilt against you. He did it to hurt you and get you out of his way -- and he probably did it to hurt us, too . . ."
"There's more, Nick," Philip whispered, "Sweet Jesus, I dunno what t'believe anymore . . ."
"What is it?" Nick asked, uncomfortably aware that Philip had managed to change the subject on him.
Philip swallowed hard and unsteadily sat up, scrubbing his face with the blanket and then leaning into Nick. "Nick, Arkadi an' Derek -- y'know how Derek's always hidin' things from us -- protectin' us or whatev'r he claims it is? Well . . . he's been protectin' himself, too, I think . . ."
"What do you mean?" Nick asked apprehensively. Something was not right here .
. . "What kind of bull did Arkadi try to sell you?"
"Tha's th'problem -- it's not bull . . . Derek and Arkadi were *lovers*."
The words hit Nick with an almost physical force, a crushing blow like a fist to the stomach -- or lower. Incongruously, he thought of the old torture of pressing -- having stone after stone piled upon one's chest until the life was crushed out of the victim. That was what it felt like as his mind scrambled to find an explanation.
"No. It's a lie -- he just said that to make you distrust Derek," he protested, trying to breathe as the fist squeezed his chest harder. "It's a *lie*."
"It's no lie, Nick," Philip said softly, seeing how pale Nick had gone suddenly. "He didn' just tell me . . . he had pictures, too."
Nick swallowed convulsively. "Pictures."
"Pictures. *Graphic* pictures . . ." Philip said. "An' they're pretty-- extreme, too, if th' one I saw was anything t'judge by."
"Fakes. Computer generated fakes -- that's got to be it," Nick whispered desperately. But Philip was shaking his head. Nick frowned and asked, "When?"
"B'fore the Legacy, as far as I could tell. Derek looked t'be about twenty or so in th' one I saw . . ."
"Then maybe it was something that went bad long ago. Derek left him and joined the Legacy . . ." Nick said hopefully.
"That could well be it," Philip agreed. "But why did he seem so upset when ya threatened Arkadi earlier?" He frowned and said, "Neither of us do th' kind of things they were doin' in that picture . . . what if he's been missin' it?"
Sudden hope flared in Nick's eyes. "No. It's *got* to be wrong. Derek and rough sex? Not since that demon Arkadi nearly sacrificed him to -- he's been scared of being dominated for as long as I've been with him. Arkadi's just trying to undermine us by destroying our trust in Derek."
Philip nodded and said, "Unless he's been afraid b'cause he knows if he falls inta it again he'll go back t'him -- which is what it looks like he's done, anyway . . ."
"What?" Nick asked sharply, "How can you say that?"
"He gave himself up willin'ly."
"To save *you*, Philip," Nick responded, his anger growing. "He put himself in danger to get you out of there because he *cares* about you."
"He didn' even try t'escape -- even while Arkadi was tyin' me back up in that bed."
"And what the hell good would that have done? *If* he had managed to escape, you'd still be there," Nick said, pulling away from Philip. "You of all people should understand someone *sacrificing* himself for someone else!"
Philip lay back, the tears threatening to come again. While part of him understood why Nick was so angry and knew that it was just his temper getting the better of him again, he couldn't dismiss things as easily as Nick could. He knew that every human had both good and evil in their soul, but now that he knew Derek wasn't entirely human -- that he had the blood of fallen angels in him -- was it possible that the evil in him was gradually overtaking the good? The doubt was beginning to overwhelm him again, and much as he *wanted* to believe that Derek had done it for his benefit, he couldn't ignore the other possibilities . . .
"Nick, I'm sorry . . ." he whispered, seeing the anger and betrayal in Nick's eyes. _Oh God, what've I done?_
"Yeah," Nick said sullenly. "I'm going down to help Alex find Arkadi so we can get Derek back, and then you can discuss this with *him*." He stood and walked out of the room, not looking back even when he heard Philip beginning to cry again.
To be continued in part 13
Poltergeist: The Legacy is (c) 1997 MGM/UA and Trilogy Entertainment. This story is not intended to infringe on these copyrights.
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