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Nick's legs grow heavy and he slows to a stop. Instead of light, quick steps, his body was beginning to pound into the soft ground, his body tired from the exercise and lack of sleep. He collapses on the ground, staring up at the morning sky. A check of his watch and he groans. Nearly seven a.m. Everyone would be up by the time he made it back to the house. He just didn't want to see anyone this morning. Not Derek and especially not Philip.Thoughts of just slipping off the island and going to the mainland played around in his head. A noise behind him and he jumps up. "Alex, what are you doing out here?"
"Looking for you."
"Why?" He stands up as she grows closer.
"Well, because Derek is worried, Philip acts like he lost his best friend and you..." She pokes a long finger into his chest. "You have been acting really strange. So give, what's going on?"
Nick sighs and settles on a nearby log. "I don't know, Philip's return, all this crap with Kristen. Sometimes I think I'm losing my mind."
"Everything's alright with you and Derek though, right?" A shrug brings her close. "Nick, talk to him, he loves you."
"I know that. I just..."
"Come on, we've gotten a new assignment and Philip is translating some of the text now."
"What's the job?"
"I'm not sure, but I think we might get a trip to Peru out of it. That should be fun."
"Race ya." Alex grins and takes off.
Nick gives her a head start then takes off behind her. Both are winded and tired by the time they reach the house. Derek is waiting on them as they come in through the kitchen. "Philip is nearly finished with the translation, we'll need to be ready to leave by ten." They both nod.
"Alex, I need the geographical research of the area by nine, give me a little time to study before we leave." She nods and heads upstairs to change.
"Nick, I need you to go down seperatly from us. There is some tension in the military and I think we might have to use you as our escape key."
"Great."
"You cover will be a photojournalist. Anything you take, weapon wise, should be disguised as such. If you get caught, it might be a while before the Legacy can get you out. Besides, if you get caught we might all be dead when you do."
"I understand."
"Full briefing in twenty minutes, get a shower."
"Will do."
"Nick." Nick stops and turns back to Derek. "Good morning." The tension runs through his body as Derek steps close and lifts his chin, his lips part slightly as Derek's press against them. "I missed you last night."
"Yeah, me too." They both turn as someone clears their throat. Philip takes another step in their direction.
"See you in fifteen." Nick hurries from the room, pushing past Philip as he does.
"There seems to be a contradiction in the translation and the actual events, the guide described. I don't think there's a reason for us to go down there after all." Derek nods and follows up the stairs and into the control room.
~~~~
The mission is pushed off a few days, until the intelligence reports can be confirmed or denied. After a long day of few answers they call in a night early.
"You have got to tell me what's going on with you." Derek moves forward toward Nick, just to have the younger man skirt away again.
"I don't know."
"Nick, it's been a week since I returned from London. You haven't even so much as allowed me to kiss you. What's wrong? Did I do something to upset you?"
Nick held his head and sunk to the floor. "Please Nick, tell me what's wrong." He relaxed into the hand stroking his head.
"It's Philip."
"Again with Philip, what about him?"
"He ahhh...kissed me." Nick glances up to see Derek's expression of shock.
"What?"
"In the garden, last week. He kissed me on the lips."
"I don't believe it. Why would he do something like that?"
"Because he wanted to, I don't know."
"Philip?" Nick nods. "Father Callaghan, kissed you on the lips."
"Yes, you don't believe me?"
"Of course I do, it's just, Philip?"
"I know, but there's more."
"More? I don't know if I can handle more." Derek sits down heavily on Nick's bed and lies back. "What more?"
"I kissed him back." Derek clamps his eyes shut, the memories of the dream come flooding back over him. Nick and Philip locked in a passionate embrace. "Derek?"
"Why?"
"Because I'm dirt that's why. I wanted to get back at you, hurt you, don't you see. My life is too good with you in it." Derek jumps up and grabs him as he heads for the door. He physically pushes him back onto the bed. "Don't Derek."
"That's not the reason.Tell me, why did you kiss him?" Nick is fighting, pushing shoving at Derek's shoulder and upper arms. Derek flips him over, grabbing a wrist and bringing it up behind the struggling young man. "Stop!"
"Ouch, Derek, that's my sore shoulder." Derek relaxes his grip, but doesn't make any moves at releasing his arm. "Please."
"No, not until you talk to me. Why did you kiss Philip, the truth." Nick cringes at the harshness in his voice.
"Because I wanted to, damn you." Derek takes a deep breath and lets Nick go. He watches as the angry man scurries across the bed and stands up. "Satisfied? I can't be happy, I have to go and mess everything up. It's just the way I am."
"Stop this, come here." Nick shakes his head. Derek approaches him slowly, lifting his face with a finger. "You are attracted to Philip, yes?" Nick closes his eyes, squeezing out the tears held there and nods. "I'm not surprised." Nick blinks his eyes clear and looks up into Derek's eyes. "Now that he's left the priesthood, it's possible that you two can..."
"No, that's not what I want." Derek steps away. "I love you and it's driving me crazy that I'm attracted to him. I would never have done anything about it, but he kissed me and now every time I see him, every time I close my eyes. I can feel his lips on mine. Please don't hate me, Derek."
"I could never hate you Nick. But now, you must decide how you're going to deal with these feelings. Both of you are."
"I know it's not right, to be attracted to him and I'm sorry."
"Nick, you're a human being and a beautiful young man. I would be a fool to believe that I could keep you to myself. Your attraction comes from years of knowing each other, being friends, now that he knows about us, maybe he feels that you could help him sort through his own feelings."
"But it's not right, I shouldn't be attracted to him."
"Nick, when you were dating women, did you find yourself being attracted to other women?" A nod and Derek smiles. "Then why is it so unbelieveable, that you would be attracted to other men now?"
"I don't know, I guess maybe..."
"Look, I was frightened that I would lose you to Kristen. That you would become attracted to her and leave. I pushed you away to prevent myself from getting hurt."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying if you want to be with Philip, go. Just come back to me."
"You want me to go to Philip?"
"I don't know what Philip wants? Do you?" Nick shakes his head. "Do you want me to talk to him?"
"Could you?"
"Nick, are you scared of Philip?"
"No," His eyes were wide with worry and anxiety. "I'm scared of what I feel for him."
*****
Dereks find Philip in the library going over some translations they had finished that morning. "Philip, can we talk?"
"Sure, just let me finish...there." He smiles at Derek, but his happiness fades as Derek's face remains stern, cold. "What's wrong?"
"I was wondering what your intentions were, toward Nick?"
"I don't know what you mean."
"He told me what happened."
"Oh."
"Yes. I think we should talk."
"Look Derek, I know you and Nick have a relationship and I don't want to impose on that, but this is between me and Nick."
"Not anymore, not since your lips touched his. Now it's between all of us."
"Oh, he told you that too."
"I know how hard this must be for you, realizing these urges so soon after leaving the church."
"It's not that Derek, I've always had these urges. Why do you think I've fought so hard to stay away from Nick," He looks up into Derek's eyes. "And from you."
"So, what is it that you want to happen Philip?"
"I don't know, I'm still trying to figure this all out."
"You have feelings for me as well?"
Philip nods, but averts his eyes. "I'm sorry Derek, I never meant to put you in this position. I never though that Nick would voice his feelings for you. I honestly didn't and when I saw you two at the hospital, I could feel the love between you and I was...jealous."
"Today is kind of slow, let's get this finished and talk about this later tonight. Let's say around nine, my room." He notes the worried look in Philip's eyes. "That is, if it's okay with you."
"I suppose, what about Nick."
"He'll be there of course. We all need to talk, together."
to be continued in
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