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Thanks to: Janet, Nathalie and Sherri for commenting and generally helping me 'keep the faith'. Thanks guys, this part would not have seen the light of day without your help and encouragement. :-)
Philip approaches the door slowly. *What am I doing?* He had no idea what to expect. A trembling hand reaches out and knocks lightly on the door. He hears the 'come' and pushes the door open.
Nick nods as he comes inside and pushes the door closed. "Lock it." He sees the fear in Philip's eyes. "Turst me, we don't want wandering eyes popping in unexpected."
"Where's Derek, I thought that he wanted ta talk." Philip takes the bottle of beer that Nick offered.
"He thought that, we should talk first." Nick turns up the beer and chugs a mouth full. "Give us both a change to figure out what's going on, you know."
Philip sits on the edge of the bed as Nick makes himself comfortable at the head. "I don't what I'm suppose to do, Nick."
"What do you mean?"
"I don't want to come between you and Derek."
"Derek's okay with this, if anything happens." Nick finished his beer and watches Philip do the same. "Want another?"
"Do ya think, it'll help."
Nick's laugh filters back from the bathroom. Philip pops his head around the corner to see Nick pull two bottles from a tub near the shower. "What's this?"
"I thought we might want a few, I don't know about you, but I'm just a little nervous." He hands Philip another and they head back into Derek's bedroom.
"Nick, why are we in here?"
"I spend a lot of time in here." Philip steps up behind him and their eyes meet in the mirror. "I thought it might help me take the edge off."
"I'm losin' my mind Nick, I don't know how to handle this." Nick turns, Philip is so close now. He reaches out a finger and traces the strong jaw line in Philip's cheek.
"I know," His hand sweeps back, cuppng Philip's head gently drawing the other man forward until their lips meet. Sweet, slow glide of lips, then a gentle urging and Philip's lips part, allowing Nick to tease and explore the inside of his mouth. "What's happening here Philip?"
The former priests takes a step back and looks over his friend. He longed to describe in detail his feelings and longing, but it would take all night. For now all he wanted was to be embraced by this man, make love with him, give in to his desires. Nick pushes a button on Derek's stereo. "I think what's going on is simple. I'm attracted to you Nick, always have been in back of my heart. I fought it for so long and now I don't want to anymore."
"Do you mind?"
Philip shakes his head, Nick was trying to avoid talking about it. He knew that. But what would he do now. "Anything I'd know?"
"I don't know, but it's soft, sensual, just like you." Nick steps toward Philip as the music starts. Pulling the trembling man close, they sway to the sweet music.
*I will remember you, will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by, weep not for the memories.
Remember the good times, that we had.
I let them slip away from us, when things got bad.
Clearly I first saw you, smiling in the sun.
Want to feel your warmth upon me, want to be the one.*
Philip pulls back and meets the dark eyes of his soon- to be lover. He captures his lips, diving deep with his tongue, tasting the beer, inhaling Nick's scent.
*I'm so tired, I can't sleep.
Standing on the edge of something, much too deep.
It's funny how I feel so much, cannot say a word.
We are screaming inside, oh we can't be heard. *
Nick's body responds to the sensual touch of Philip's hands. Moving together to the slow music, their bodies locked in an embrace. The feel of his body so strange, but familiar. Many times playing soccer or goofing around they'd land in a pile atop one another. Nick had noticed the flushed look on Philip's face. The one he always discounted as the rush of adrenaline. But what if it wasn't, what if it had been arousal and fear, all that time. This was Philip, the one who betrayed him and the Legacy, caused Julia's death by not being there. The one who returned, to where no one was suppose to . The one whose mere presence in the room made his blood boil and his loins ache with need. This was Philip, his brother, friend, enemy and priest. Nick pushes backs back as the last statement filters into his mind.
"Nick, teach me how to make love to you."
Nick breaks the embrace. "That's a bit much for our first time, don't you think."
"No, I don't."
*So afraid to love you, more afraid to lose.
Clinging to a past, that doesn't let me choose.
Were once there was a darkness, a deep and endless night.
You gave me everything you had, you gave me life.*
"Please Nick, let me hold you, love you. Just this once." Nick surrenders to Philip's gentle urging and is engulfed in a passionate kiss. Strong arms surround him and bring his body closer, until their bodies are rubbing against each other.
Nick's shirt is lifted off and Philip's hands travel his chest, gliding lightly over the tight muscles. His body trembles as the inexperienced man before him makes him moan. He leans in, sucking and biting at Philip's mouth, taking the tongue as it's given, following into the recesses, as it retracts. Philip's hands massage and caress his back and shoulders, gliding lower to his ass, cupping it and bringing his body closer. He pushes back and takes Philip's hand, leading him to the bed. Once there he presses him down, kissing and nipping at his neck and throat. He urges Philip out of his shirt and begins his own exploration of the former-priest's body. Wet kisses bathe Philip's chest and stomach until Nick encounters the button of jeans. He glances up and smiles at the look in his friend's face. "Can I?"
"I wan' you Nick."
Nick nods and slowly unbuttons the fly, pushing the material back slowly. Blowing hot air through the thin material of Philip's underwear. His erection straining against the confining material. "Please."
"What do you want, Philip?"
"Touch me."
*You're working, building a mystery, and chosing so carefully.
You're so beautiful, a beautiful fucked up man.*
Nick smiles to himself, that described Philip to a tee. Beautfiul and totally screwed up. He tugs gently on the jeans and they slide down, leaving Philip, barely covered and trembling. He kisses the inside of Philip's knee and his hands rush to hold the other man down. "It's okay, it's just me Philip."
"I'm sorry, I just don't think I can do 'that'." Philip pushed down the fears, anxiety and distress that ran through his soul. He had wanted this, practically begged for it. Pushed his way into Nick and Derek's relationship with the intention of seducing his long time friend. To pull back now, would be unacceptable.
"Philip." He sits up and stares into Nick's eyes. "I don't know how much about this, sort of thing you know about." He smiles at the embarassed look on Nick's handsome features.
"I've gotten a pretty healty educaion, living here in San Fransisco Nick, I'm not toally inogrant, to the act."
"Yeah, okay." Nick allows Philip to pull him up onto the bed and swallows hard as the former-priest begins sliding off his sweats. He jumps when he feels Philip's hand rake across his erection.
"It's giving yourself to someone, allowing them to enter your body and take possession." Nick shivers as Philip's erection presses against his own. "You ask them to, don't you, ask them take you, control you, fill that void in your soul that can't be filled." Philip slips his hand town between their bodies, gently squeezing Nick's balls, dipping lower, pressing ever so lightly, lower and lower. Nick's legs open for him, allowing him to sliip a finger between the firm mounds of muscle, skirting over the opening to Nick's body.
"Stop, not yet."
"I brought something, Nick." Philip reaches his jeans and pulls out a new tube of lubricant. "I felt kind of strange buying this, but I thought..."
Nick takes a deep breath and relaxes. "I can just imagine the look on your face when you asked for it. Oh, to have been a fly on that wall."
"I want to make love to you, Nick."
"I don't know Philip, I am attracted to you and the I think I want this, let's just slow down some, okay." Philip nods. "I guess I just never thought of you, as being the aggressor. Figured that would be me."
"I think I've waited long enough, don' you?"
"I guess, but..." Nick relaxes as Philip covers his mouth again. The kisses become more insistant and he tries to push Philip back, but the other man refuses. They both gasp for air as they part and Nick pulls himself more up on the bed. "I think, we should really, slow down."
"You do?" Nick nods. He watches as Philip slides down his body. A strong hand finds his cock and squeezes until he hisses through clenched teeth. Philip's mouth covers his hardness and he cries out at the unexpected action.
*You lay down beside me then, you were with me every waking hour. So close I could feel your breath. When all we wanted was the dream. To have and to hold that prescious little thing. Like every generation yields, a newborn hope unjaded by the years.
Pressed up against the glass, I found myself wanting sympathy. But to be consumed again, oh I know would be the death of me.*
Nick's mind screams as a slick finger finds his body's opening and presses inside. This was Philip a priest, doing to him the very things Derek would. But it felt good. So good, too good.
*There is a love that's inheritantly given, a kind of blindness offered to decieve. In the light of forbidden joy, oh I know I won't receive it.*
When Philip pulls away, Nick's cock pulses and coats the other man's hand as it pumps a steady stream of thick, milky liquid. He leans up and kisses Nick's mouth, mixing the semen on his lips with salivia, digging his tongue deep inside the wet recesses of Nick's mouth. "I want you, now." Nick nods and slips to his stomach.
"You have to..." Nick pauses trying to catch his breath. "Get me ready."
"I know." He tenses as Philip's hand parts his ass cheeks and slips two fingers inside, stretching his opening. "Relax Nick, I wouldn't hurt you for the world."
Nick grips the bed with clenched fists as two long fingers work their way inside. He tenses, clamping down and his mind rebels. This wasn't Derek, not his lover. Not the one man he trusted. He was willingly allowing, someone else to violate his body and his mind screamed again. Before his lips could form the words, a unyielding hardness was nudging against his opening, demanding entrance. His whole body goes rigid and the voice at his ear begs him to relax, surrender, allow this most intimate contact. A deep breath and he's filled, the pain sears through his soul. Not Derek, not the one man who loved him more than life it's self. How? How could he be doing this? Quick, rough thrusts and his knuckles grow white, as his grip on the bedcovers tightens. This was not Derek, not his gentle soul merging with him. Someone else, someone else, not Derek. His insides burn as his lover reaches his release. Strong hands draw him close, try and cuddle and sooth him, but he pulls away and runs.
The door to the bathroom slams and Derek jumps. He had fallen asleep in Nick's bed, waiting on his lover to do what he needed to, with Philip. He had tried to busy himself downstairs and in the control room. But the thoughts of Nick and Philip together, keep flooding his mind. Better to be close. He listens at the door to someone violently vomiting into the toilet. He eases the door open to find Nick, strugging to stand. He rushes to him and craddles the weakened body as he slips to the floor. "What happened?" He tries to lift Nick's head, but the trembling form, clung to his chest and sobbed. "Come on, le'ts get you into a shower." He could smell Philip's cologe and the unmistakable smell of sex. He held tight as Nick's legs seem to have forsaken him. "Nick, tell me what happened?" Nick's tear, filled eyes glance up at him.
"It...wasn't...you." Derek's heart hurt, all the way to his soul at the quiet, gasping confession of his soul-mate.
He pulls Nick close and steps toward the shower. Once the water is warm, he helps him inside, watching as the younger man allows the pelleting water to cover his face. Derek slips out of his clothes and steps inside, gently soaping up his back and shoulders. When he reaches between Nick's legs the younger man pulls away.
"I'm sorry." He hands the soapy sponge to Nick and steps out of the shower, allowing him privacy. He grabs his robe and heads into his bedroom. Philip is pacing around the room in his underwear.
"What happened? Is he alright? He just took off." Philip takes a step back when he realizes that Derek's brow is knotted together in a scrowl.
"Did you hurt him?"
"No, he wanted it as much as I did."
"Did he say no?"
"No, I would have stopped."
"Maybe, then again, passion has a way of taking control of our minds, rational thought can be tossed aside, leaving reckless need."
Derek looks up into Philip's face, bathed in the candlelight. His body was shaking and his words were forced.
"Derek, I did everything the books said to do. I got him ready, I didn't hurt him."
"Maybe not physically, but I don't think he was ready for something like this, not emotioanlly."
"What can I do?"
Derek took a deep breath, it wasn't all Philip's fault. "Nothing, I pushed him to resolve this, as much as you pushed him to go through with it. I'm just as much to blame as you. I'll take care of him. Go on, go to bed."
"Derek," Derek's look is cold and stern and Philip sighs. "I never meant ta hurt 'em."
"I know, neither did I, but we did and for now, just let it be." Philip gathers the rest of his clothes and heads for the door.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Derek pulls Nick out of the cold water and wraps a large towel around him. "Come on, let's get you into bed." Nick holds up a hand, grabbing the door that lead into Derek's room.
"Not in there."
"Nick, come on. You need to rest, we'll talk tomorrow."
"No, not that bed, not tonight." Derek nods realizing the emotional state that Nick is in. He helps him into his own room, fussing around and tucking him into bed. "Stay with me Derek, please."
Derek stretches out beside him and pulls him close. "Always my love, I'll stay with you forever."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nick blinked open his eyes. His body was warm, he was safe, tucked beneath Derek. Derek's arm was drapped over his body. The older man was in an ackward sleeping position. Curled above him half lying, half sitting. Nick placed his hand on Derek's chest and gently shook him. "Derek."
The older man responded immediately, jumping into a sitting position. "Ouch." He stretched his neck to the other side, from the way it had been positioned all night.
"Yeah, that looked painful, that's why I woke you." Derek stretched his and back and slides down beside Nick.
"How are you feeling?" Nick cuddles close and grabs Derek's arm, pulling it over him, like a blanket. "Nick, talk to me. You were so upset last night, what happened?"
"Not right now Derek, I just want you to hold me, okay?"
"Yes, that's okay." He buries his face in Nick's neck and hair, pulling him as close as humanly possible.
Nick felt safe, wrapped in the arms of the one he loved. This was Derek, his lover, his life. The one person he had come to trust with his heart and his sanity.
"I love you, Nick."
"I love you, Derek, only you, I don't ever want to be with anyone else. Never." Derek rocked a little bit, trying to calm the fierce words.
"You don't have to. I'm so sorry love, I shouldn't have made you go to him."
"It was my decisio,n Derek. I was attracted to him, but I didn't think it through. I don't want anyone else to touch me, just you." Nick turns in Derek's arms and lifts his head. "I love you."
Derek leans down and captures his slightly parted lips, but Nick pulls away pretty quick. "You want to talk about it?"
A quick shake of Nick's head and Derek sighs. "I let him Derek, I let him have me. How could I have done that?"
"Because, I pushed you to it. Philip pushed you to it. He violated you physically, while I did a job on your mind. I've asked myself a hundred times, how could *I* have done that? I don't want you to be with anyone else."
Nick reaches down and caresses Derek's soft cock and it responds immediately. "Only you Derek."
"Yes," Derek gasps as Nick's hand work to caress his body. Strong insistant, they pull him close, a knee parts his thighs and he surrenders. Nick bites his neck lightly elisting a moan. The younger man slides lower until his lips meet Derek's erect cock, taking the organ inside his mouth quickly. Derek arches off the bed, while firm hands hold him down. A salivia slick finger sinks lower and glides inside his body. He knew this was what Nick needed today, to be in control, to dominate, to take him, like he had been taken the night before. Derek reaches the nightstand and produces a tube, prying Nick's hand from his hip, he presses it into the palm. Dark eyes meet his and he nods. Nick didn't ask often, hardly ever, but today this was what he needed. Two fingers stretch his internal muscles, readying him for the penetration to come. Nick was always a little hurried when it came to this, he always held back his desire until he could barely stand it, exploding soon after contact. Derek never minded, any contact with Nick was wonderful, no matter how brief. Nick grabs his hips and pulls him lower on the bed, getting into position. "Nick," The younger man looks up as if from a trance. "I love you." Derek relaxes a bit as Nick smiles, his head dips and their lips meet. His hips are lifted and Nick pushes forward, moaning as he sinks deep inside. Derek strokes his own cock until he reaches his release. Strong, willful thrusts, soon have Nick crying out and the younger man collapses on top of him.
Nick raises his head and meets Derek's eyes, trying to recover his breath. "Are you okay? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so rough."
Derek smiles and kisses his forehead, pulling him close. "I'm fine love. Are you?"
"I don't know," Derek pulls him up until he is straddling his waist. "I just needed to do that."
"I know love. I know." He pulls him close. And I'm here for you as often as you need. Always."
**************************
Rachel is pouring a cup of coffee when they both arrive in the kitchen. "Morning you two, you're up a bit late."
"Yeah, well you know how it is. He keeps me busy." Nick smiles as Derek's cheeks turn three shades of red. He jumps as Derek pinches his ass. "Hey, watch that."
"I was, that's why I couldn't resist." Rachel laughs and sits down at the table.
Derek settles down with his paper, only to move it aside when Nick sits down a large cup of coffee in front of him. "Thanks."
"I take it, Philip didn't find you this morning?" Derek watches as Nick's eyes widen and a familiar dark cloud crosses over his face.
"No, what did he want?"
"He had to go into town. Said he might be back in a few days." Rachel watches Nick for a moment. "Is there anything wrong Nick?"
"No. I'm fine."
"This isn't the time to be going to the mainland. Depending on what we find out about the site in Peru, we might have to leave quite suddenly." Derek folds his paper and stands up. "We should find out what's happening with the translation."
"Well, I saved you the trouble boss." Alex smiles and hands him a file folder. "Philip was up all night, finishing. Looks like the natives were a bit restless for publicity and money. They made the whole thing up."
"Folk tales and legends always have some, element of truth to them. I wouldn't be surprised if the someone, that related this tale actually saw something worth investigating. It's not uncommon." Derek glances through the pages, then back at Alex.
"So, do we go?"
"Yes, you and I will..."
"I'm going." Derek looks at Nick, the dark eyes set, face determined.
"Fine, Rachel you and Kristen will stay here and wait for Philip. We'll stay in touch." Rachel nods and the group exists the kitchen, heading for the control room."Be prepared to join us, if need be."
"Nick," Nick pulls back, allowing the women to pass. "I know you're upset about what happened, but you can't let that interfere with the missions and the way, I run them."
"Excuse me, Derek, you're going to Peru." Derek nods. "Where your father was killed, don't you think you might need someone to back you up, just in case, it gets to be, too much. I wasn't thinking about me, I was thinking about you." Derek's face doesn't soften. So Nick tries another approach. "Maybe you should stay here, let me and Alex go, that way you can run the house and not be personally involved."
"No, I'm fine with this really. I'm sorry. You're right, of course." He smiles and Nick nods. "Let's get some things packed, we'll get the chopper warmed up and head to the airport. We should be there by tonight."
"Fine."
to be continued in part 5
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