Movies: The Way Things Work

1. When looking through binoculars, you will always see everything through a figure eight shape.

2. When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffera concussion or brain damage.

3. A slight blow to the head is usually enough to cause amnesia.

4. Large loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people - wether they are employed or not.

5. Restaurant bills will always be 15% less then the amount you are holding in your hand.

6. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few seconds.

7. A cough is usually the sign of a terminal illness.

8. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

9. No-one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

10. Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

11. Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage despite laying entire cities to waste by their actions.

12. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

13. Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds - unless it's the door to a burning building with a chiild trapped inside.

14. In school, teachers eill always by interuppted mid-sentence by the end-of-class bell.

15. Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.

16. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.

17. Guns are like disposable razors - if you run out of bullets just throw the gun away. You can always buy a new one.

MYSTERIES

1. The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective - or give him 48 hours to finish the job.

2. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

3. During all police investigations it will by necessary to visit a strip club a least once.

4. During a murder investigation lasting several weeks it will not be necessary for detectives to go home at any time to eat, sleep, shave or change their clothes.

5. If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to find him. Just relac and run a bath - even if it's the middle of the afternoon - then look in your bathroom mirror and he will suddenly appear behind you.

6. Creepy music coming from a cemetery should always be investigated more closely.