Top 15 Signs Your Local Girl Scout Troop Hates You

15. YOUR box of Samoa cookies reads, "Made with real Samoans".

14. "Die Yuppie Scum" spelled out in Thin Mints across your driveway.

13. That burning fleur-de-lis on your lawn.

12. You've never heard of a "Peanut Butter with Glass Shards" flavor cookie.

11. New oath: "A Girl Scout is Courteous and Kind to everyone, except for your name here".

10. Your picture is next to the "Bad Touching" section of the training materials.

9. Troop meetings always end with a rousing game of "Kick Your Ass".

8. The cookies in your box have enough needles in them to start your own sweatshop.

7. Instead of helping you cross the street, they just give you a swift kick in the ass

and push you into traffic.

6. Your box of Thin Mints comes with all the chocolate licked off.

5. When passing by your house, they flip you off and shout, "Kumbaya THIS!".

4. Every scout on your block has earned her "Egg Bomb Your House" patch.

3. For their "Animal Behavior" patch, they spay your dog.

2. You wake up to find the head of "My Little Pony" in your bed.

1. Burning macrame' bag of Rover's excretions left on your doorstep.