Scooby Doo Cast:

Fred: Not enough sex. Not enough testosterone. He's probably still fantasizing about Red Harring all the time.

Daphnie: She doesn't have enough brains to have a lifestyle, much less a parallel lifestyle!

Velma: The World's first cartoon lesbian! She even helped Olive Oil pick out those combat boots.

Scrappy: It's got to be PCP if he thinks he can kick everyone's ass. That or he's seen too many Stalone movies.

Shaggy: Just a pot head with the munchies, and a seriously fatal attraction for Scooby.

Scooby Doo: A Scooby Snack is just a pot brownie shaped like a dog bone.

Winnie The Pooh Cast:

Pooh: Hemp master. Always cheerful, pleasantly plump, and extremely slow.

Eyore: Too much Thorazine! He's so whacked he can hardly pronounce his name!

Piglet: I dunno about the rest of the time, but that laugh is caused by helium. He must hang out with Elmo.

Tigger: Definite speed freak. I don't think he'll ever be able to stop bouncing.

Looney Toons Cast:

Bugs Bunny: He's a queen. He's always dressing in drag for Elmer Fudd and Yosemetie Sam.

Sylvester: He's a drunk. Always slurring his speech and check our the big red nose.

Wile E. Coyote: He's obviously trippin' if he thinks he's ever going to catch the Road Runner.

Marvin The Martian: Listen to his voice! He's gotta be gay! What do you think a Pew 36 elodium space modulator is anyway?

Pepe' Le'Pew: Too much X. Get him a hormone depressant or something.

Tiny Toons Cast:

Shirley The Loon: You name it, She's on it!!! (SHE FLOATS!!!)

GoGo Dodo: He's a drug in himself. How does he do all those neat tricks?!

Plucky Duck: Ever notice his lisp and his affection for Hampton?

Elmyra: She's stoned and stuck in that "everything is so cute, let me squeeze it" phase.

FeeFee: Girl got hold of The Funky Cold Medina.

Sweety Pie: Crack-Head!!! Someone should talk to her about voice control.

Montana Max: He's the cast's drug dealer. How else did he become a millionaire at age 10?

The Annamaniacs:

The Annamaniacs: Lotsa heroine and a butt ton of white crosses do not mix! And why do you think Dot is called Micro Dot?

Brain: This is your brain,

Pinky: This is your brain on drugs.

Katie KaBoom: Diagnosis-Violent Mood Swings!!! Get this bitch some lithium or something!

Parallel Lifestyles Of The Muppets And Friends

Big Bird: The dude is on LSD! He’s always hallucinating about a big furry elephant on downers!

Bert & Ernie: They’re gay! Deal with it!

Cookie Monster: What’s in those cookies, anyway? Maybe he just has the munchies.

Oscar The Grouch: Definitely a heroine addict. Just look at him.

Elmo: Too much helium!!

Grover: He’s a crank fiend. One minute he’s all depressed, next thing ya know it’s a 10 minute session of "Now I’m Near, Now I’m Far"!!!

The Count: He needs some Lithium right away! "One hit of acid, ah-ah-ah, two hits of acid…"

Kermit: He’s snortin’ some serious coke (very thin, always bouncy, ready to snap at any moment). He’s also a drag queen and was filmed singing in a dress and letting Eurig eat his leg all the way up to his crotch.

Miss Piggy: Not enough Midol. We think she may be related to Hothead Paisan, the homicidal lesbian terrorist.

Gonzo: WHAT IS HE?!?! What’s he on? What’s up with that nose? Why is he so obsessed with chickens? And why a harem?

Fozzie: Alcoholic. Check the nose.

Andy and Randy: This is what happens when your mom does drugs during her pregnancy.

Scooter: He’s Kermit’s sex slave.

Skeeter: DYKE!!!

Rizzo: Get the boy off the speed.

Sweedish Chef: Too much MSG.

Bunsen: He makes all the drugs for the other characters.

Beaker: Lab experiment gone VERY WRONG!!!

Clifford: A rasta catfish? He’s obviously been stoned since birth.

Statler and Waldorf: They really need to get laid.

Spamela Hamderson: She’s the "call girl" or the bunch. After all, with this many drug addicts, ya gotta have some kind of excitement.

Fish Thrower: How does he do that??? Where can we get cool boomerang fish?

Robin The Frog: Smoking stunts your growth.

The Electric Mayhem Band –

Dr Teeth: He’s the gang’s pimp.

Janice: She has toked the bong too many times.

Zoot: Meth addict.

Floyd: Too much hash.

Animal: Crack head, speed freak, you name it…he’s on it!!!