The trick to successful dating is learning how to interpret the hidden signs, those tiny giveaway gestures that can tell you so much about a person. Train yourself to recognize - and decode - these key "signs".

1. Woman won't unlock car door for man. - Don't engage in oral sex.

2. Man gets in car without opening door for woman. - No foreplay.

3. Can't hail cab. - Impotent.

4. Insists on going to brand new restaurant. - prefers virgins.

5. Insists on going to brand new restaurant but gets lost on the way. - Is a virgin.

6. Insists on going to a romantic, candlelit restaurant. - Compulsive Don Juan.

7. Insists on going to a homey little cafe with windmill motif. - Compulsive Don Quixote.

8. Insists on going to a Polynesian bar. - Compulsive Don Ho.

9. Wants to go to a French restaurant. - will swallow.

10. Wants to go to a deli. - won't swallow.

11. Uses sweet and Low. - Wearing falsies.

12. Takes too long deciding what to order. - Has trouble reaching orgasm.

13. Orders salad dressing on the side. - Will give you a hand job but will not go "all the way".

14. Gives explicit orders to waiter. - Will expect incredibly skillful gymnastics in bed.

15. Asks for extra rolls. - Will say she's using birth control when she's not, will get pregnant and sue.

16. Insists on ordering for you, referring to you as "The lady will have...". - Thinks you had an orgasm when you didn't.

17. Asks for "the usual". - Insists on missionary position only.

18. Asks what the specials are. - Will want you to use handcuffs.

19. Fills up on bread and crackers. - Premature ejaculation.

20. Doesn't finish everything on plate. - Has already cum.

21. Insists on having some of whatever you ordered. - Will make you sleep in the wet spot.

22. Changes mind after ordering. - Will never call you.

23. Changes tables. - Nymphomaniac.

24. Drinks decaf. - Fakes orgasms (female).

25. Orders in French. - Fakes orgasms (male).

26. Sends food back. - Will sleep with you, brag to all his friends, then try to borrow money.

27. Asks for detailed descriptions of desserts. - Needs you to talk dirty during sex.

28. Orders a dessert involving ladyfingers. - Wants handjob (male) or Is gay (female).

29. Orders a dessert involving nuts. - Castrating bitch!

30. Wants to split dessert. - Is dying to get rid of her apartment, move in with you, rearrange all your closets, and take

down all your baseball posters.

31. Credit card is refused. - Low sperm count.

32. Undertips waiter. - Small penis.

33. Undertips cabbie. - Small penis.

34. Undertips parking valet. - Small penis.

35. Uses toothpick. - Is trying to tell you size isn't everything.

36. Removable cassette player in car. - Pulls out repeatedly during sex.

37. Cellular phone in car. - Penile implant.