hazzardhulk

If would like to contact Keith to tell him what you think of his story, his email address is: G0ODOLBOY@aol.com

HAZZARD MEETS THE HULK

(Opening shot of Bo+Luke driving along the backroads of Hazzard in the General Lee.)

                 BALLADEER: Now, friends and neighbors, this is one of the most deceiving sights
                               you'll ever see in Hazzard County. But i ain't because you see Bo and Luke Duke
                              tearin' up the back roads of Hazzard in the General Lee. That's normal.

(Rosco pulls out from behind a tree in his patrol car and starts after
General Lee.)

BALLADEER: And it ain't 'cause Rosco's chasin' after the General.
That's normal, too.

BO: (into cb mike) Dang it, Rosco! We ain't got time to play right
now.

               LUKE: Yeah, that mortgage payment is due in town, in Boss's hand, in
                      ten minutes. Which is probably why he's got Rosco out watchin
                      this road instead of one of his usual speed traps.

BO: Hang on, Luke. We loose him every other day, I ain't about to
make today no different. 'Specially with the farm on the line.

ROSCO: Alright, you Duke boys! Just pull it over! I'm serious now!

(while the chase ensues, the balladeer continues)

               BALLADEER: Now, friends, this scene seeming like any other you might
                           see around Hazzard is what makes it so deceivin'. 'Cause
                           it's about to lead the Dukes to the strangest day they've
                           ever had. And you know that's sayin' somethin'.

LUKE: We should be able to lose him at that creek up ahead.

BO: (sarcastically) Yeah, I think the General might have a few more
pistons under his hood than Rosco's patrol car. Hang on!

(General Lee jumps the creek. Dixie Horn blows in mid-air.)

BO: Let's see Rosco try and make it over that!

               ROSCO: You wanna play it that way, huh?! Alright! Anything that
                       General Lee can do, my patrol car can do a hundred times
                       better! Hang on, Flash!

(Flash barks.)

(Patrol car jumps creek, but only makes it half-way across before
landing in water.)

LUKE: (laughing) He looks alright. Ain't nothin' hurt but his pride.

BO: And in Rosco's case, that can't be more than a scratch.

ROSCO: Flash, hold your nose, darlin'!

(As Bo + Luke continue down the road, they come across a hitchhiker
who turns out to be David Banner.)

BALLADEER: Now, folks, that's the man that makes this scene a might
deceivin'. He's got a shadier past than the grim reaper.

LUKE: Howdy, stranger. Whereabouts you headed?

DAVID: Hi there. I'm just looking for the nearest town.

LUKE: Nearest town's Hazzard. That's where we come from. Why don't
you hop in the back. We'll take you the rest of the way.

DAVID: I'd be very grateful for that. Thanks.

(Luke climbs out the window. David looks at him strangely.)

DAVID: Something wrong with the door?

               LUKE: It's welded shut. See, the General, here, kinda doubles as a
                      racing car for me and Bo. By the way, my name's Luke Duke.
                      That there in the driver's seat's my cousin Bo.

BO: Howdy. Listen, y'all, I don't mean to be rude, but that
mortgage payment is due in town in less than ten minutes.

LUKE: Right. Listen, Mr....

DAVID: Uh, David....Bradford.

LUKE: Well, Mr. Bradford, if you could hop in the back, me and Bo are
are in kind of a hurry.

               (David and Luke get in the General. Bo starts the car and drives away.
                Fade to Hazzard Square. General Lee pulls up in front of the county
                building. Bo+Luke get out.)

BO: We're real sorry about the bumpy ride, Mr. Bradford! Sit tight.
Luke and me will be right back!

(Inside the county building, Boss stands next to a clock, holding his
watch in his hand.)

BOSS HOGG: Just ten seconds left, heh heh. Ten more seconds and the
Duke farm is mine. (laughs)

(Bo+Luke rush through the door.)

BO: Hey, Boss!

LUKE: There you go, Boss. There's the mortgage payment with eight
seconds to spare!

BOSS HOGG: (frustrated) Alright, alright! You done your business here!
So just get!!

BO: Yes, sir.

LUKE: Much obliged, Boss.

(Bo+Luke exit)

(David is waiting outside with a parking ticket in his hand.)

BO: Sorry to keep you waiting like that, Mr. Bradford.

LUKE: If we didn't get our mortgage payment into Boss Hogg's hand's by noon,
he would've owned our farm lock, stock, and barrel.

DAVID: (confused) Boss Hogg?

LUKE: He's the county commissioner.

BO: Yeah, for the most part; if it's in Hazzard, he owns it.

DAVID: Well, listen, boys, I appreciate the ride into town. Now if you could
just point me to a place where I could get something cold to drink...

BO: Shoot, Mr. Bradford, we can do better than that...

LUKE: That's a fact. We'll take to a little place called the Bore's Nest.

DAVID: (sceptically) You two will take me there?

BO: Don't worry, Mr. Bradford. I promise the ride won't be so bumpy this time.

DAVID: (reluctantly) O.k. Oh, by the way, the deputy came by while you were
in there and said to give you this. (hands Luke parking ticket).

LUKE: Great. Just what we need. Another ticket. (hands to Bo)

BO: Why me?

LUKE: You parked.

BO: (sigh) Yeah, I guess I did.

(They all get in the General and drive away)

BALLADEER: Now, meanwhile, back inside, Boss was busy chewing out Rosco for not
stopping the Dukes.

BOSS HOGG: (into cb mike) Rosco, you knucklehead! Are you trying to tell me
that you wrecked another patrol car?!

(We see a very wet Rosco standing next to his patrol car while Cooter rigs it to
be towed.)

               ROSCO: That's a big 10-4, little fat buddy. It wasn't my fault, though. Them
                       Duke boys, they tricked me into jumpin' a creek when they knew I wouldn't
                       make it. Come on.

BOSSHOGG: What's the damage gonna cost me? Put Cooter on!

COOTER: Hey, Boss, this here's Crazy Cooter commin' atcha...

BOSS HOGG: I know who you are! Just tell me how much this whole mess is gonna
run me!

COOTER: Well, Boss, with all the water damage to the engine, it's probably
gonna run you about $500. That's not includin' if you want me to dry out all this nice leather apolstry.

BOSS HOGG: Dang blast it!! Rosco. you still there?

ROSCO: That's a big 10-4...

BOSS HOGG: Rosco, not only did you not catch the Dukes so I could forclose on
their farm; but you also just cost me $500 simolians. Which is gonna come directly out of your paycheck!

ROSCO: Aren't you gonna have Cooter dry out the apolstry?

BOSS HOGG: Rosco, if you really want that apostry dried out, you know what you
can do?

ROSCO: What?

BOSS HOGG: Take a real deep breath....and BLOW!!

ROSCO: (to Cooter) Oooo. I think he was serious about that.

BOSS HOGG: Cooter, you get that patrol car over to your garage and get it fixed
pronto! And, Rosco, once it's fixed, I want you to bring in the Duke boys on any charge!!

ROSCO: That's a big 10-4, Boss. I'm gone.

COOTER: I'll get to work on Rosco's patrol car right away just as soon as I
grab a cold one at the Bore's Nest. I'm gone.

(Fade to Bo, Luke, and David sitting around a table at the Bore's Nest. Daisy
approaches.)

DAISY: Hey, boys. Did you get that mortgage payment to Boss Hogg on time.

               LUKE: Sure did. Daisy, I want you to meet a new friend of ours. We picked him
               up hitchhikin' into town. His name's David Bradford. Mr. Bradford, this here's our
               cousin, Daisy.

DAVID: Hi, there. Nice to meet you. And please, everyone, call me David.

DAISY: Nice to meet ya, David.

LUKE: What brings you to these parts, anyway, David?

DAVID: Just hitchhiking cross country, actually.

LUKE: Got any specific destination in mind?

DAVID: Not really. I have this tendency to, uh, keep moving on.

LUKE: Ain't no trouble with the law, is it?

BO: If it is, Luke and me ain't no strangers to that. You can trust us with
your secret.

               DAVID: Nothing like that. I just don't like staying in the same place for very
               long. Although, I wouldn't mind settling down eventually. But, uh, it sounds like you
               boys might be in trouble with the law.

LUKE: Well, Bo and me, see, we're on probation. We got caught runnin' shine a
few years back.

BO: Don't worry, though. Our shine-runnin' days are over.

               LUKE: That's a fact. See, the only reason we're on probation rather than
               servin' time at the state pen is that our Uncle Jessie promised the U.S. government that
               he'd never make any more ever again.

DAVID: I see. So, you live with your Uncle Jessie?

BO: Yes, sir. We all help run the family farm together.

               LUKE: Matter of fact, since I figure you ain't got no place to go for dinner,
               why don't you come on back to the farm with us? I bet he'd be real happy to meet ya.
               'Specially with all the stories you must have to tell from travellin' on the road so much.
               How 'bout it?

               DAVID: Well, I'm not so sure my travel stories are fit for dinner table
               dicussion, but I'd sure
                            appreciate the meal.

LUKE: You got it. Why don't we head on over there after we finish these beers?

(Cooter enters)

BO: Oh, hey, here comes Cooter. Hey Cooter. How's it goin', buddy?

               COOTER: Hey, Bo! Luke! How y'all doin'? Listen,I just want to thank y'all for
               droppin' Rosco into the drink like that. One more repair bill like the one I'm gonna be givin'
               Boss Hogg and I'll be able to pay off my truck. By the way, boys,how's that new cam
               shaft I put in the General last week holdin' up?

               LUKE: Like a charm. Hey, listen, Cooter. I'd like you to meet a new friend of
               ours. Name's
                          David Bradford. He just got into town.

               COOTER: Howdy, Mr. Bradford. Nice to meet ya. Any friend of the Dukes is a
               friend of mine. Oh, by the way, just to warn y'all; Boss Hogg gave Rosco orders while I was
               givin' him a tow to bring y'all in on ANY charge. So you might want to lay low for a
               while.

LUKE: Much obliged for the info.

COOTER: Y'all don't mind, I think I'll sit down with ya and have a cold one.

               BALLADEER: Now, while the boys and Cooter were busy getting aquainted with
               David, Boss was arrivin' at the Bore's Nest for his fourth lunch of the day so he
               could eat while he thought up a new way to snooker the Dukes out of the farm.

(Boss Hogg and Rosco enter through the back entrance)

               BOSS HOGG: Rosco, so help me, if you cost me just one more red cent on repairs
               to your patrol car, not only will you be outta your job as sheriff, but I'm
               gonna divorce my wife, your fat sister, Lulu. Fortunately for you, I already thought
               me up any other way to get the Duke farm.

ROSCO: OOOOOOOHHHH!! Good news, good news! How're you gonna do it?

BOSS HOGG: Here's my plan...

BALLADEER: Meanwhile, outside in the bar, some lowlife was gettin' a might
fresh with Daisy. Now, friends, don't that just curdle yer blood?

DAISY: Now, I'm warnin' ya! You keep your hands to yourself or you'll regret
it!

LUKE: Hey , why don't you leave the lady alone?! She just tryin' to do her job!

LOWLIFE: You got somethin' to say about it, plowboy? What's it to ya? She yer
kin or somethin'?

BO: Matter of fact, she's our cousin! Now why don't you do like he asked and
get your dang hands off her?!

LOWLIFE (approaches): You gonna make me, plowboy?

(Bo stands and faces off with lowlife)

BO: Well, maybe I just will...

LUKE: Bo, don't start nothin'! We don't wanna get David, here, involved in
somethin' that ain't his concern to begin with!

LOWLIFE: (to David) What's the matter, stranger? You too chicken to stand up to
me?

               DAVID: Look, I don't want any trouble and I don't think these boys do either.
               So, why don't you go back to your table, finish your beer, and just leave the lady
               alone.

LOWLIFE: (Grabs David's shirt) You tryin' to tell me what to do, stranger?

COOTER: (stands) Hey, leave him alone! Y'all ain't got no beef with him!

               (Lowlife elbows Cooter in the stomach and punches David. Bo + Luke attack, put
               up a fight, but are eventually tossed to the floor. Cooter attacks, but a punch in the jaw
               sends him into a table and knocks him down. Lowlife punches David in the face, then the stomach, then
               grabs him by the back)

LOWLIFE: This otta take care of you!!

(Lowlife throws David behind the bar. We get a close-up of David. His eyes are
now white.)

BALLADEER: Now, friends, this is where the Dukes day is about to get a
miiiiggghhht strange.

               (David's shirt begins to split open, revealing green skin. His pants then split
               at the seems,
                followed by his boots.)

LOWLIFE: That'll teach ya to mess with me!

( A low growl is heard from behind the bar. Bo looks in confusion.)

LUKE: What the heck....

               (The hulk slowly stands. The crowd looks in awe. Daisy screams. Hulk flexes
               and lets out a
                loud roar. He then uses his fists to smash an opening in the middle of the
               bar. He walks through the
                opening and grabs lowlife by the shirt. Growls in his face.)

LOWLIFE: What in the heck are you?

               (Hulk roars in his face and throws him through a window. He then looks at the
               rest of the crowd, flexes
                and roars once again. Boss and Rosco enter bar from rear entrance.)

ROSCO: Allllright, everyone! Just freeeeze!

(Hulk silently approaches Rosco.)

ROSCO: (scared) Everyone except for you.....WOOJEE!!

BOSS HOGG: Tarnation...what is that thing?

LUKE: I don't know about y'all, but I don't aim to stick around and find out.
Let's get outta here!

(The crowd rushes toward the door. Once they have left, Hulk throws a table at
the door in confusion.)

BO: Anybody got any idea where in the heck that thing came from?!

LUKE: Yeah, I got myself a pretty good idea, but I ain't pointin' no fingers
'til I know the whole truth.

(With erveryone gone, the Hulk calms down, sits down, and slowly begins changing
back to David.)

COOTER: (searching the crowd) Hey, y'all, I don't see that Bradford fella you
two was talkin' to anywhere.

LUKE: Yeah, and I think that's a little bit more than a coinceidence, too.

               (Bo, Cooter, and Daisy all look at each other in confusion. David comes out of
               Bore's Nest without a
                shirt, and wearing torn pants.)

LUKE: (whispering to himself) Just about what I figured.

BO: You alright, Mr. Bradford? Boy, that guy must've beaten you good! Tore
the shirt right off your back! You want us to find him and teach him some manners?

DAVID: No, that's quite alright, really. I'm fine.

DAISY: Mr. Bradford, did you see that big green thing that tore up the whole
bar?

DAVID: No, I didn't. But tell me, was anyone hurt?

COOTER: Just the guy that gave you the once-over. Nothin' more than a few
scratches, though.

(Boss Hogg and Rosco approach)

BOSS HOGG: Alright, Rosco, arrest the whole group of 'em!

LUKE: For what, Boss? We ain't done nothin!

BOSS HOGG: For disturbin' the peace, that's what!

BO: Boss, you didn't even show up until after the fight started. How do you
know who started it?!

               BOSS HOGG: A few of my patrons said that you boys, and you, whoever you are,
               were involved and that's good enough for me. Alright, Rosco, do like I said and
               arrest 'em all!

(Rosco pulls out his gun and handcuffs)

ROSCO: Allllright, you Dukes, just put your hands out so I can cuff ya and
stuff ya.

(scene freezes)

BALLADEER: Now, do Y'all realize that all this started 'cause Bo and Luke was
tryin' to pay the mortgage on time?

(end act 1)

LUKE: Rosco, you wanna point that pee shooter someplace else?!

(Luke knocks the gun out of Rosco's hand, and the group makes a run for it,
except David.)

DAVID: What's going on? What are you boys doing?

LUKE: You wanna go to jail?

(David shakes his head)

LUKE: Then get in!

(David jumps in the window of the General Lee, followed by Luke. They all take
off in their cars.)

BALLADEER: Now, friends, y'all might get the idea that this is David's first
time runnin' from the law. But it ain't.

BOSS HOGG: Rosco, you numbskull, you let 'em get away again!!

               ROSCO: I'm sorry, little fat buddy, but Luke Duke, he took me by surprise when
               he knocked my
                              gun outta my hand.

               BOSS HOGG: Rosco, you lugnut! Them Dukes have been pullin' the same tricks to
               get away from you for years, and you still never se 'em commin'! Now, come on back
               inside with me so I can see how much all the damage that thing did is gonna cost me.

ROSCO: Boss, you got any idea what the heck that thing was?

               BOSS HOGG: Well, of coarse I ain't!   I was lookin' at it just like you, wasn't
               I? I never seen anything like that creature before in my life. And after what he did to my
               Bore's Nest, I hope I never do again!

(Fade to Bo, Luke, and David in the General Lee.)

DAVID: We're in a lot of trouble with the local police now, aren't we?

BO: Shoot, David, that's nothin' new to Luke and me.

DAVID: Well, trouble with the police is one thing I don't need. I think maybe
I should just skip the dinner invitation and leave Hazzard as soon as possible.

LUKE: Lookin' like that?

DAVID: Yes, I suppose you're right.

LUKE: Listen, we'll get you back to the farm, you can borrow one of my shirts,
and we'll get you somethin' to eat. Then we'll help you get out of Hazzard. Deal?

DAVID: (reluctantly) Alright.

(Cooter,s voice comes over the c.b.)

               COOTER: Breaker one, breaker one! Might be crazy but I ain't dumb! Craaaaazy
               Cooter commin' atcha!

               LUKE: (into c.b. mike) We read ya loud and clear, Crazy C.

COOTER: Y'all make it outta there okay, come back?

LUKE: Yeah, everyone made it out in one piece.

COOTER: Hey, listen, y'all got any idea what that thing in the Bore's Nest was?

LUKE: Ain't like nothin' I've ever seen before. I aim to get to the bottom of
it, though. We're headed back to the farm right now.

COOTER: That's a big 10-4! Meantime, I'll keep my eyes peeled for that thing.
Y'all holler if ya need me.I'm gone.

               BALLADEER: Now, when the boys, Daisy, and David got back to the farm, they came
               home to a might curious Uncle Jessie. You see, folks who were at the Bore's Nest when
               the Hulk tore the place apart had been callin' old Jessie to make sure the boys and Daisy
               were o.k.

               UNCLE JESSIE: What in tarnation is all this jibberish I've been hearin' on the
               phone for the last half hour about some big, green monster tearin' up the Bore's Nest and you
               boys bein' involved?!

DAISY: It ain't jibberish, Uncle Jessie! Someone picked a fight with the boys
and David, here....

BO: Oh, uh, speakin' of which, Uncle Jessie, this here's David Bradford. We
picked him up hitchhikin' into town.

UNCLE JESSIE: Howdy. Good to meet ya. Now, what was you sayin, Daisy?

DAISY: Someone picked a fight with them and Cooter, then he grabbed David and
threw him behind the bar, and that's when that big green thing showed up!

LUKE: Now, David, that thing popped up right about where you got knocked down.
You sure you didn't see nothin'?

DAVID: No, I'm sorry. I hit my head on the bar and got knocked out cold.

LUKE: Alright, listen, why don't you go grab a clean shirt off the clothesline
and go inside and get cleaned up.

DAVID: Alright. Thank you.

(David walks away from the group. Uncle Jessie looks suspiciously at Luke)

UNCLE JESSIE: Alright, Luke, I know that look. What's on your mind?

LUKE: Listen, y'all, I think there's more to David than meets the eye.

BO: What do you mean?

LUKE: Well, first, he said he didn't see that thing when it showed up right
next to him.

DAISY: Luke, you heard what he said. He hit his head on the bar and got
knocked out cold.

LUKE: Anyone see a bump on his head? And howcome, all of a sudden he ain't got
no shirt? And his pants look all torn?

UNCLE JESSIE: Come on, spit it out, Luke. Just what are you gettin' at?

LUKE: We've all heard the story of Jeckyl and Hyde, right?

BO: Yeah...(starts laughing) Oh, come on, Luke, you don't think that David IS
that thing, do you?

DAISY: Luke, that Jeckyl and Hyde story is just a fairy tale, sugar.

UNCLE JESSIE: Luke, now I don't mean to doubt ya, but don't you think that's
just a little far-fetched?

LUKE: So, the idea of a big green monster poppin' up out of nowhere in the
Bore's Nest ain't?

BO: I guess you got a point there.

LUKE: You heard what he said in the General, Bo. About havin' to avoid the law.

               BO: Yeah, but he's probably wanted for somethin', and judgin' by the way he's
               been to us today, it's probably somethin' he didn't even do. Now, you and me, we aughtta
               identify with that.

LUKE: Maybe HE didn't do nothin'...but I'm bettin' that creature DID.

UNCLE JESSIE: Like what?

LUKE: I don't know, but it's gotta be somethin' serious for him to be avoidin'
the law like that.

UNCLE JESSIE: Well, when he gets back out here, we'll have to get some answers,
that's all.

(David exits house.)

UNCLE JESSIE: Here he comes now.

DAVID: Well, Luke, it seems you and I are practically the same size. The shirt
fits perfectly. Thank you.

LUKE: Don't mention it. Listen, David, there had to be some way you saw that
thing! Even before you got knocked out cold. I mean he didn't just appear outta thin air.

DAVID: Luke, I'm sorry, but like I told you, I didn't see anything.

               UNCLE JESSIE: Now, Mr. Bradford, I ain't about to call nobody a liar without no
               proof. My boys could get in a lot of trouble and maybe even go to jail for bein' involved
               in what happened at that bar today. Now, you tell us that you don't know nothin', but
               we got ourselves a lot of evidence that says different. Like the fact that your
               clothes were fine before you got thrown behind that bar...

LUKE: And when that creature first stood up, he had a shreaded version of your
shirt on before he threw it on the floor. And the fact that you're runnin' from the law...

DAVID: Banner.

BO: Banner?

DAVID: My name...is David Banner.

UNCLE JESSIE: Why'd you go and give my boys a phony name?

DAVID: Because I'm supposed to be dead. If you'll all sit down for a minute,
I'll explain everything.

UNCLE JESSIE: Alright, let's have at it.

               BALLADEER: Now, while David was givin' the Dukes the lowdown on where he really
               came from, Cooter, without knowin' it, was gettin' David into more trouble than a fox with
               a pack of wild dogs nearbye.

COOTER: Yeah, National Register? Y'all got a guy by the name of Jack McGee
workin' there?

               BALLADEER: Now that McGee had heard about the Hulk sighting in Hazzard, he was
               on the first plane there.
                And by the time all this happened, David had Just about finished tellin' everything to the Dukes.

LUKE: So, you ain't never been able to find a cure for that thing?

DAVID: No. I've tried everything I can think of, and even a few longshots.

BO: And you say this McGee character ain't gonna stop lookin' til he finds you
OR the Hulk.

DAVID: Well, almost. He doesn't know that I'm the creature. He just knows
that a man meeting my description changes into it.

DAISY: Well, won't he eventually put two and two together?

LUKE: Would you go lookin' for a guy you thought was dead?

UNCLE JESSIE: Well, I'll be. You gotta pretend to be someone you ain't...and
you can't go home to see your family. Must get a might painful around the holidays.

DAVID: Yes, it does.

(Cooter's voice comes over the cb. Luke answers.)

LUKE: We read ya loud and clear, Crazy C! What's up?

COOTER: Y'all ain't gonna believe this, but I found a newspaper called the
National Register...

DAVID: Oh, no...

               COOTER: They got a reporter named McGee workin' there and he's got a reward out
               for ten grand on that thing that tore up the Bore's Nest. He said he's gettin' on the next flight to
               Hazzard to come find it! But, don't worry, I'm gonna share the reward money with y'all when he catches that
               thing.

LUKE: Cooter, is there any way you can call back that newspaper and tell 'em
false alarm?

COOTER: The General's fumes goin' to your head, Luke? Why would I wanna do a
thing like that?

LUKE: Come by the farm, you'll find out right quick.

COOTER: Alright, y'all. I'm on my way! I'm gone.

DAVID: Well, that settles that. I'll have to leave Hazzard as soon as
possible.

BO: Shoot, David, you ain't gotta leave.

               DAVID: Bo, you don't understand. Now that McGee has heard that the creature
               has been spotted here in Hazzard, he won't stop until he finds it, or at least how much
               truth there is to it.

               UNCLE JESSIE: Well, there's your solution right there. When this McGee
               character gets here, Cooter'll just tell him he was wrong. He'll tell him he saw a bear or
               somethin' that he thought was that thing.

DAISY: That's a great idea, Uncle Jessie! That way you won't have to leave Hazzard, David. You can finally settle down.

LUKE: As good as that plan sounds, it ain't gonna work.

BO: Why not?

LUKE: Sure, the bear story covers the size of that thing, but any of you ever
seen a green bear before?

BO: Dang it! I never even thought of that!

DAVID: Standing around here isn't getting anything accomplished. I'll get my
things together and be on my way.

               UNCLE JESSIE: Mr. Banner, for someone who's got so much at stake, you sure give
               up a might easy. Don't you want to find a place to settle down? Find yourself a cure
               so you don't turn into that thing no more?

               DAVID: Mr. Duke, believe me, there's nothing I'd like better, but until that
               happens, I simply can't let McGee
                            see me.

               UNCLE JESSIE: You let us worry about that. You just get inside and sit down and
               have some dinner with us.
                                  We'll come up with a better idea for that McGee character on a full
               stomach.

DAVID: (smiles) Alright.

               BALLADEER: Later that night, Jack McGee finally arrived in Hazzard. And since
               Cooter's garage was already
                             closed, he figured he'd check out the spot where Cooter said he had seen
               the Hulk. Which led
                             him straight to the Bore's Nest, and Boss Hogg.

               BOSS HOGG: (frustrated) Rosco, it's gonna take me at least a month to get this
               place back into shape after
                              what that thing did to it!

ROSCO: I know, Boss. That thing made a horrendous mess.

(McGee approaches Boss and Rosco)

               MCGEE: Excuse me, gentlemen, I couldn't help but overhear your conversation.
               Could you describe the
                              creature that did this?

BOSS HOGG: Well, maybe I can and maybe I can't. Depends who's askin'!

MCGEE: My name is Jack McGee. I'm a reporter for the National Register.

BOSS HOGG: National Register? Never heard of it.

ROSCO: Me niether.

               MCGEE: In a town this size, I'm not surprised. Now, could either of you
               gentlemen describe the creature to
                              me?

               ROSCO: Oh yeah! It was big (flails his arms to show the Hulk's size), green,
               and he didn't say nothin'. He
                       just kinda growled, like (makes growling noise).

               BOSS HOGG: Rosco, will you zip your lip?! Mr. McGee, what's it matter to you
               what that thing looks like, any-
                              way?

MCGEE: Well, I've been trying to capture it for quite some time, now. There's
a warrant for murder out on it.

BOSS HOGG: Well, is there any kind of conpensation for findin' it?

               MCGEE: As a matter of fact, my paper is offering a $10,000 reward to anyone
               with any information leading to
                       the capture of the creature.

BOSS HOGG: Well, Mr McGee, I'm the county commissioner 'round these here
parts...

ROSCO: And I'm the sheriff!

MCGEE: (To Rosco) Yeah, I figured that out, thanks.

               BOSS HOGG: Like I was sayin', Mr. McGee, I'm boss around here, so if anyone
               sees anything, they'd be sure
                              and report it to me...

MCGEE: Well, then, you must have been in contact with a Cooter Davenport by
now, right?

               BOSS HOGG: Cooter Davenport, huh? Well, as a matter of fact, he was in contact
               with me today and he told
                              me all about it...

ROSCO: He did? I don't remember Cooter talkin' to you at all...

BOSS HOGG: (stalling) Well, that's because you were filing all the police
reports about the creature...

MCGEE: The Hulk.

BOSS HOGG: Beg your pardon?

MCGEE: The creature. It's called the Hulk.

               BOSS HOGG: Well, Mr. McGee, the reason my sheriff didn't hear me talkin' to
               Cooter earlier is that he was too
                              busy filin' all the paperwork on the Hulk.

MCGEE: I see. Well, is there any way I could talk to Mr. Davenport, myself?

               BOSS HOGG: I'm afraid he's gone home for the evenin'. But you can talk to him
               and look at all the county records on the Hulk tomorrow mornin'. In the meantime, why don't you go
               get yourself settled in at the Hazzard Hotel.

MCGEE: Alright, I'll do that. And I'll be by the county building tomorrow morning to view those records, and
then I'll pay Mr. Davenport a visit.

BOSS HOGG: That sounds like a good idea. Good night, now.

MCGEE: Good night.

(McGee leaves Bore's Nest)

ROSCO: Boss, if Cooter called you earlier today and told you about callin' that
reporter, howcome you didn't recognize his name when he introduced himself?

BOSS HOGG: Rosco, I hope you never go bald.

ROSCO: Oh, I appreciate that! Why...?

               BOSS HOGG: 'Cause if you did, all them termites in your brain would freeze to
               death! I never talked to Cooter today, you knucklehead! I just said that to get that reporter out of
               here. You know what happened, don't you?

ROSCO: Of coarse I.....no, what?

Part 2