hazzardhulk2

Part 2

BOSS HOGG: Cooter called in that reporter so he could collect the reward! And
you know he's gonna get help from them no-good Dukes! So, ya know what we gotta do?

(Rosco shakes his head)

BOSS HOGG: We gotta make us our own Hulk and beat them Dukes and Cooter to the
punch!

ROSCO: Oooooooohhh! I love it, I love it!

BALLADEER: Now, while all this was goin' on, Cooter had arrived at the Dukes,
and they were explaining to him what he'd done to David by callin' in that reporter fella.

               ( The Dukes, David, and Cooter are gathered in the Dukes' kitchen. David and
               Daisy are seated at
                 the table.)

COOTER: (grinning) Now, wait a second. Y'all are tryin' to tell me that
David, here, is runnin' from the law, because that thing from the Bore's Nest supposedly did him in.

BO: Right.

COOTER: Only, that ain't possible because (looks at David) Y'all ARE that
thing?

DAVID: That's right.

LUKE: Cooter, we know how far fetched it sounds, but we swear it's the truth.
I mean, if you think about everything we've already told you, it all fits together.

(Cooter's expression turns very serious)

COOTER: Which means I just brought a whole mess of trouble down on y'all.

               UNCLE JESSIE: Don't worry about it, Cooter. You had no way of knowin'. We'll
               just have to find a way to throw that reporter off the trail so David can settle down here in
               Hazzard, that's all.

BO: Uncle Jessie's right. Heck we've gotten ourselves out of worse situations
than this!

LUKE: (looks at Bo skeptically) We have?

DAVID: (Starts standing) Look, I've caused enough trouble for you folks
already. I'm just going to leave Hazzard before McGee has a chance to find me.

               UNCLE JESSIE: Now, David, you just sit right back down! You're not goin'
               anywhere! Dukes don't give up no matter how tough things seem to be! We're gonna find a way to
               decoy McGee and get him outta Hazzard once and for all! Then, you'll be able to
               settle down here and make some real friends.

LUKE: I think you just hit the nail on the head, Uncle Jessie.

UNCLE JESSIE: What do you mean.

LUKE: We'll decoy him. We'll make up our own Hulk.

BALLADEER: Uh huh. I was afraid of somethin' like this. Luke's got the same
idea as Boss Hogg. Kind of a scary thought, ain't it?

BO: Luke, how are we gonna get someone who's the same size as the Hulk? We
can't tell anyone else the truth about it!

DAISY: Bo's right, Luke. Think what might happen to David if anyone else found
out.

LUKE: Now, hold on a second. I agree with both of you. Which is why one of us
is gonna have to be the decoy.

(Everyone looks at Cooter.)

COOTER: Oh, now, hold on a second, y'all. Everyone in Hazzard knows what I
look like. They'd recognize me on the spot.

               LUKE: Not if we made you up to look like the Hulk. Y'all heard what Uncle
               Jessie said. Everyone who called
                          here said they saw a big green monster. No one could give any
               details or real good description.

BO: Which means no one got a real good look at him.

LUKE: Or, more likely, the were just too dang scared to remember what he looks
like. Cooter, he ain't got more than a few inches on you. I don't think anyone would notice.

BO: Luke, you seem to be forgettin' somethin'. Cooter ain't as ugly as that
thing....

UNCLE JESSIE: Bo!

BO: No offense, David.

DAVID: That's alright.

BO: And he sure as heck ain't green.

               LUKE: Right on both counts. But that ain't nothin' the Hazzard costume shop
               can't take care of for us. We just get us some face make-up and some green body paint, and presto, Cooter
               is the Hulk.

DAISY: Ain't they gonna get suspicious of us buyin' all that stuff right now?

BO: Daisy's got a real good point, Luke.

LUKE: I already thought of that. Which is why it won't be any of us buyin' any
of that stuff.

COOTER: Well, then who's it gonna be?

LUKE: Someone who'd do just about anything for this family. Or, more
accurately, one member of this family.

(Luke looks at Uncle Jessie)

UNCLE JESSIE: Luke, I know exactly what you're thinkin' and it ain't right nor
safe bringin' Emma in on this thing.

LUKE: Why not, Uncle Jessie? We all know Miss Tisdale would do anything for
you. Probably with no questions asked. She's the only shot we got.

               UNCLE JESSIE: (reluctantly) Alright. I'll give her a call first thing in the
               mornin'. Right now, we all need to get some sleep. David, you can stay in the guest bedroom. Cooter,
               it's gettin' pretty late. Why don't you sleep on the couch.

COOTER: Yes, sir.

BALLADEER: Well, bright and early the next mornin', Boss had Cletus report
extra early for work...for Hulk duty.

               (The scene is Boss Hogg's county court house office. Boss Hogg is seated at his
               desk, Rosco stands next
                to him, and Cletus stands on the other side of the desk.)

CLETUS: Cousin Boss, you can't be serious!

BOSS HOGG: On the contrary, Cletus! I couldn't be more serious!

CLETUS: But, Cousin Boss, everyone in Hazzard knows who I am. They'll
recognize me!

ROSCO: Boss, he does have a point there.

               BOSS HOGG: (to Rosco) Will you just hush up, please?! I know all of Hazzard
               county knows who you are.That's why I had this special make-up and body paint delivered from the
               Hazzard costume shop.

(Boss places a paper bag on the table.)

ROSCO: Boss, wasn't Henry over at the costume shop a little curious about why
you wanted that stuff right now?

               BOSS HOGG: Well, maybe he was, and maybe he wasn't. But, if he wants to keep
               his job, he wasn't! Now, Cletus, you just go into the men's room and start puttin' that
               there make-up and paint on.

CLETUS: Cousin Boss, do I have to?

BOSS HOGG: Well, you want to get your raise, don't you?

CLETUS: Buzzards on a buzzsaw! I'm gettin' a raise out of this?!

BOSS HOGG: No. But if you don't do it, you ain't gonna have a job to ever get
a raise FROM!!

(Cletus sighs in frustration.)

BALLADEER: And, back at the Duke farm, Uncle Jessie was on the phone to Miss
Tisdale.

UNCLE JESSIE: Emma? This is Jessie Duke. How're you doin'?

MISS TISDALE: Oh, just fine, Jessie. What can I do for such a fine, handsome
man today?

UNCLE JESSIE: Well, I've got kind of a big favor to ask...

(switch to Miss Tizdale at the other end)

MISS TISDALE: Well, I'd be happy to do that for you, Jessie! By the way, I
heard what happened at the Bore's Nest yesterday. Are your boys alright?

UNCLE JESSIE: They're just fine, Emma. Listen, could you pick those things up
as soon as possible?

MISS TISDALE: Sure thing, Jessie. You can pick them up here at the post office
in about an hour.

UNCLE JESSIE: Actually, Emma, I was wonderin' if you wouldn't mind droppin'
them off here at the farm?

               MISS TISDALE: (face lights up) You want me to come out to your farm, Jessie.
               Well, I'd be glad to!
                And you can make that half an hour!

               UNCLE JESSIE: Alright, Emma. We'll see ya then! Thank you very much! Bye,
               now. (hangs up phone) Luke, this plan of yours had better work! I hate leadin' that
               poor woman on like that!

LUKE: Don't worry, Uncle Jessie. It'll work...

( A car pulls up in front of the house)

DAISY: Hey, someone just pulled up outside. I don't recognise him, though.
Must be from outta town.

(David moves to the window)

DAVID: It's McGee. I have to hide.

LUKE: You go hide in the bedroom, David. We'll get rid of him.

(David goes to bedroom, the Dukes walk outside to greet McGee)

UNCLE JESSIE: Howdy, stranger! What can we do for ya?

MCGEE: Good morning...Mr. Duke, I presume?

UNCLE JESSIE: That's right. I'm Jessie Duke.

MCGEE: Well, Mr. Duke, I'm looking for a man named Cooter Davenport. I was
told I might find him here.

COOTER: I'm Cooter Davenport. Who might you be, mister?

MCGEE: My name is Jack McGee. I'm from the National Register. We spoke on the
phone yesterday.

               COOTER: Yeah, I remember, Mr. McGee. Listen, I'm real sorry you had to come
               all the way out here from the city, but by the time I called back, you were already on a plane headed
               here. I don't know quite how to tell y'all this, but I didn't really see that Hulk thing you're
               lookin' for.

MCGEE: Oh?

LUKE: That's a fact, Mr. McGee. You see, during that bar fight, my buddy,
Cooter, here got knocked silly and started seein' things that wasn't there.

MCGEE: And one of those "things" was the Hulk?

COOTER: That's right. Listen, Mr. McGee, like I said, I'm real sorry for makin
y'all come all the way out here, but there ain't no Hulk here for ya to find.

MCGEE: But, Mr. Davenport, I've already spoken to several eye witnesses from
yesterday's incident. Their descriptions match the one you gave to a tee.

               UNCLE JESSIE: Well, Mr. McGee, I don't know what them other people saw, but
               like Cooter says, he got knocked out and started seein' things. And if that's what he tells
               ya, then that's the truth. Now, if you don't mind, me and my family have a farm to run.

MCGEE: (reluctantly) Alright. Thank you all for your time.

(McGee gets in car and leaves.)

               UNCLE JESSIE: That there was too close for comfort. Let's get this plan in
               motion and get that McGee character out of Hazzard as soon as we can. Luke, what do you have in
               mind once Emma shows up with all that stuff we ordered?

               LUKE: Well, the way I figure it, all that really needs to happen is for McGee
               to see the Hulk get knocked off right in front of him. That way, he'll quit lookin' for him and
               leave Hazzard once and for all.

(David approaches)

               DAVID: Luke, I appreciate the effort, but that's not going to work. McGee has
               been trying to find the creature for the past three years. He's seen it up close. He knows what it
               looks like.

               LUKE: That just makes the plan all that much easier. Cooter never has to get
               anywhere near McGee. We just have to make sure he sees him good enough from a distance to believe
               he's the Hulk so that when one of us takes him down, he's convinced enough to leave.

DAVID: Well, I'll admit I'm still sceptical. But I sure hope your plan works. I
can't tell you how much I'd love to settle down here in Hazzard.

DAISY: We're all gonna help see to it that you get to, David.

UNCLE JESSIE: Well, we're not gonna be able to do any of this on an empty
stomach, so let's all get inside and get some breakfast while we're waiting for Emma to show up.

BALLADEER: And, back at the courthouse, Cletus was finally all decked out in
his "Hulk" costume.

               (Cletus enters Boss Hogg's office looking more like Frankenstein than the Hulk
               and carrying a newspaper in
                his hand.)

               CLETUS: Cousin Boss, do I have to go through with this? I mean, I feel so silly
               wearing this get-up. No one's gonna beleive I'm the Hulk. I mean, look at the article in the
               Hazzard Gazzette. Everyone described that thing as "muscular". And I do have to admit, "muscular" is one thing I'm
               not!

               BOSS HOGG: "One thing" is right. Now you just listen to me. Rosco is gonna
               sneak you out the back way.Then, you're gonna run through Hazzard Square makin' all kinds of
               roarin' and growlin' sounds like the Hulk made at the Bore's Nest yesterday. You got that?

CLETUS: But Cousin Boss, I wasn't at the Bore's Nest yesterday. I have no idea
what that thing sounds like!

               BOSS HOGG: Oh, for heaven's sake, Cletus! How hard can it be?! You just growl
               and roar like a lion. Even you should be able to handle that! Now, get out to that county square and be
               the Hulk!

ROSCO: (Waving Cletus on) Come on, you dipstick, let's get at it.

(Rosco and Cletus exit)

BOSS HOGG: (Chuckling to himself) Ten thousand semolians, here I come!

BALLADEER: A few minutes later, Miss Tizdale was arrivin' at the farm with some
surprisin' news for the Dukes.

(Miss Tizdale places brown bag on kitchen table.)

MISS TIZDALE: That's right, Jessie. J.D. Hogg made an order like yours not ten
minutes before you called me.

UNCLE JESSIE: Emma, I know that must seem pretty peculiar to ya, but...

MISS TIZDALE: Why should it, Jessie? I know that a fine man like you could
never have the same ideas in his head as J.D. Hogg.

BO: Well, shoot, Miss Tizdale. Didn't you hear about that big green thing
tearin' up...

LUKE: Bo!

MISS TIZDALE: Oh, come now, boys. You don't really believe any of that
claptrap, do you?

LUKE: Of course we don't, do we, Bo.

BO: (grinning sheepishly) Ah, no. No, ma'am, we don't.

               MISS TIZDALE: Well, good for you, boys. I'm glad to see your Uncle Jessie
               raised you to have more sense than that. Well, I gotta be goin', now. But listen, Jessie, you
               need anything else from town, you give a holler, y'hear?

UNCLE JESSIE: I'll do that, Emma. Bye, now.

(Miss Tizdale exits.)

               UNCLE JESSIE: Bo, what in tarnation was goin' through yer head, spillin' the
               beans that way? If the wrong person finds out why we have all this stuff, the law will be down on
               David like a hound on a T- bone.

BO: I'm sorry, Uncle Jessie. I didn't mean to slip like that.

UNCLE JESSIE: You just watch what you say from now on, y'hear?

BO: Yes, sir.

LUKE: Look, we got more important things to worry about right now. Like why
Boss went and made the same order we did. We all know that can't be coincidence.

DAISY: Yeah, but who does Boss Hogg know that would fit the description of the
Hulk?

               LUKE: Nobody. But that's never stopped him before. Why should this time be any
               different? Alright, we gotta set this plan in motion. Daisy, go tell David it's safe to come out
               now. He's got a bigger stake in this than any of us.

(David enters)

               DAVID: No need, Daisy. I had the bedroom door open. I heard everything.
               Look, folks, I appreciate everything you've all done for me and everything you're obviously all
               willing to do for me, but now that this "Boss Hogg" appears to have the same idea as us, I think for us to
               try to continue with this plan will just turn Hazzard into one big circus. Now, I know all your
               intentions are good, but no good can come of this. I'm just going to leave Hazzard before...

               COOTER: Now, wait just a second, there, David. I got you into this mess and I
               intend to get you out. Now, even if Boss Hogg does have the same plan as Luke, we can always come up with
               another one. It ain't like it'd be the first time. And, as for turning Hazzard County into a
               circus...well, I think the folks in this town would get more suspicious if things stayed quiet for a day, y'know what I               mean?

               LUKE: Cooter's right, David. Now, I think it's pretty obvious, with what Miss
               Tizdale just told us, that we can't set my plan in motion until we find out what Boss is really up to. So,
               me and Bo will take a ride into town and see what we can find out. Meantime, Cooter, you start puttin' that
               stuff on so, in case we CAN still use my plan, we can pick you up directly once we find out what's goin' on.

DAVID: Aright, Luke, but listen, I'm going with you two...

LUKE: (shakes head) No dice...

               UNCLE JESSIE: David, have you gone plum loco?! After what happened at the
               Bore's Nest yesterday, the townspeople would spot you in a second! And with that McGee character
               snoopin' around everyplace, you can't afford to have that happen!

DAVID: Alright, I'll stay behind. But, listen, boys. Please be careful.

LUKE: Don't worry about us, David. Let's go, Bo.

(Bo + Luke exit. Fade to them driving the General Lee into town.)

BO: Luke, do you really think this plan of yours is gonna work?

LUKE: Hard to tell right now. I can't be sure until I see what Boss is up to.

BO: Yeah, I know it. Hey, who do you think he's gettin' to be his Hulk?

LUKE: I ain't a mind reader, Bo. I gotta wait and find out, same as you. Why
don't you take a few shortcuts. The quicker we get into town, the better.

BO: You got it, cousin. Hang on!

               BALLADEER: While Bo was takin' every shortcut he could think of to get into
               town as quick as he could, Cletus was standin' in an alley the town square with a baaad case of stage
               fright.

               CLETUS: Rosco, I changed my mind. I don't care what Cousin Boss says, I ain't
               goin' out there and makin' a fool of myself in front of everyone in Hazzard! He can fire me
               if he wants to, but I ain't doin' it!

ROSCO: Cletus, I don't know what you're so worried about. You make a fool of
yourself every day! The only difference here is that no one will be able to recognize ya'!

CLETUS: That's not funny, Rosco.

ROSCO: You just hush and get out there and do like Boss told ya!

CLETUS: (sighs)...The things I go through to keep this job.

(Bo + Luke pull into the square in the General Lee)

LUKE: Alright, cousin, keep yer eyes peeled for anything peculiar.

BO: (chuckling) You mean like that?

(Bo points to Cletus, who is pretending to be the Hulk)

LUKE: Is that Cletus?!

(Bo + Luke laugh hysterically)

LUKE: I can't believe Boss actually got him to do that!

BO: Well, I guess we don't gotta worry about yer plan not workin' now, huh?

(Boss Hogg rushes out of the county courthouse)

BOSS HOGG: Run, everybody! Run for your lives!! It's the Hulk! He's back to
wreak more havock on Hazzard!!

(Boss Hogg spots McGee leaving the Hazzard Hotel and runs toward him.)

BOSS HOGG: Mr. McGee! There he is! It's the Hulk!! Grab him while you got the
chance!!

CLETUS: (shocked) WHAT?!

MCGEE: Mr. Hogg, you don't really expect me to believe that's the Hulk, do you?

BOSS HOGG: Well, of coarse that's the Hulk! I mean, who else could possible
look that big and ugly?!

MCGEE: Well apparently your deputy, for one.

BOSS HOGG: Why, Mr McGee, whatever do you mean?

               MCGEE: Look, Mr Hogg, I've been chasing the Hulk for over three years now. I
               know what he looks like. That isn't him. And I happen to recognize your deputy because he's the one who told
               me where I could find Mr. Davenport this morning. And frankly, Mr. Hogg, a lot of people have
               tried to scam me and my newspaper over the past three years to try to collect the $10,000 reward and I
               must say (points to Cletus) this has to be the lamest attempt I have ever seen! Now if you'll excuse me, I
               have an investigation to conduct.

BOSS HOGG: (angry and frustrated) DANG! DANG! AND DOUBLE DANG!!!

(Bo + Luke are still laughing)

BO: Well, I guess we can head back to the farm and let everyone know there's no
need to worry.

LUKE: Why don't we need to worry?

BO: You saw what just happened, same as me. McGee didn't believe Boss for a
second.

LUKE: Yeah, but I also heard what McGee said. David was right. When we make
this happen, we gotta keep Cooter as far away from McGee as possible.

(Rosco sneaks up behind the General Lee)

ROSCO: Allllright, you Duke boys! I finally gotcha! Get out of that vehicle!
Oooh, I love it, I love it!

BO: Before we get out, Rosco, would you mind tellin' us why?

               ROSCO: Don't you play dumb with me, Bo Duke. You know I still gotcha on them
               fightin' charges from yesterday. And as soon                   as I find Cooter
               and that stranger you were with, I'm gonna arrest them, too! Now, you just
               climb on out of that vehicle!

BO: Alright, Rosco, you got us. We'll get out...just as soon as you can catch
us!

(Bo and Luke peel off in the General Lee)

ROSCO: You're not gettin' away from me that easy!

(Rosco runs to his patrol car)

ROSCO: Cletus, get in your patrol car and help me chase them Duke boys!

CLETUS: Dressed like this?!

ROSCO: Cletus, I'm gonna knock you into the middle of next week! Now you just
get in your patrol car and follow me! That's an order!

(Fade to Bo and Luke in the General driving through the backroads of Hazzard)

LUKE: Looks like we got a pretty good head start on 'em. Shouldn't be too hard
to lose 'em.

(A delivery truck pulls out in front of the General Lee from a side road)

LUKE: Bo, look out!!

(scene freezes)

BALLADEER: Now, ain't that just typical Duke timing?

(end act 2)

(Bo quickly swerves out of the way.)

BO: Cousin, that was closer to meetin' my maker than I want to come for a long
time.

(Fade to Rosco and Cletus in their patrol cars)

               ROSCO: Cletus, this is your superior officer talkin'! I want you to take
               Meadow Lane up to Swamp Crossing! I'll take Ridge Road and
               we'll cut 'em off at the pass!

CLETUS: 10-4, Rosco! I'm gone!

(Fade back to Bo and Luke)

               LUKE: I don't see Rosco or Cletus anywhere in sight. We shouldn't have any
               problem makin' it to Swamp Crossing. We'll be in the clear from
               there.

BO: You got it, Luke. Hang on!

(A quick shot of the General Lee twisting and Turning throught the Hazzard
backroads)

(Fade back to Rosco and Cletus)

ROSCO: Alright, Cletus, I'm commin' up on Swamp Crossing! Where are you, you
dipstick?!

CLETUS: I ain't more'n a half a mile away, Rosco!

ROSCO: Alright! When we get there, we form a road block! You got that?!

CLETUS: Yes, sir, Sheriff!

(Cletus manages to reach Swamp Crossing before Rosco. Bo and Luke approach in
the General Lee)

LUKE: Bo, watch it! There's Cletus!

BO: I see him, cousin. Hang on!

(Bo narrowly steers clear of Cletus)

BALLADEER: Now, friends, y'all know they don't call this Swamp Crossing for
nothin'.

(Rosco approaches too fast and can't stop in time.)

ROSCO: Cletus! Get out of the way, you dipstick!!

(Rosco's car launches into the air and lands in the Hazzard swamp. We get a
shot of Rosco as his car starts to sink)

ROSCO: Cletus, help me get outta here! (to himself) Boss ain't gonna be happy
about this. WOOJEE!!

LUKE: Well, it looks like Rosco's alright.

BO: Yeah, and it looks like we just helped Cooter pay off his tow truck. HAHA!

BALLADEER: Meanwhile, back at the farm, Cooter was ready to show everyone what
he looked like dressed as the Hulk.

UNCLE JESSIE: Alright, David, now tell us. Does Cooter look anything like that
thing you turn into?

DAVID: (skeptically) I don't know...I just don't know.

UNCLE JESSIE: Well, you better decide, and real quick. Cause Cooter, here, is
the only chance you got of gettin' rid of that McGee character once and for all.

(Dixie horn sounds as General Lee approaches)

DAISY: Here's Bo and Luke. I wonder if they saw anything.

UNCLE JESSIE: We'll all find out soon enough.

(Bo and Luke enter)

UNCLE JESSIE: Well, what did you boys see? Anything?

               LUKE: Oh, we saw, quite a bit, alright. And believe me, we ain't got nothin'
               to worry about...except McGee seein' Cooter up close while he's dressed as the Hulk. See, Boss Hogg's                 plan         was to have Cletus dress up as the
               Hulk and run through the town square scarin' everybody. Luckily, McGee saw right through it.

(Bo looks at Cooter and laughs)

COOTER: What's so funny?

BO: Nothin'. It's just that you look more like the Jolly Green Giant than the
Hulk.

               LUKE: Alright, Y'all. Now, here's my plan. Cooter, you're gonna run through
               town as fast as you can. But you gotta make sure noone gets a good
               look at ya. We'll all be there, too. Bo and me in the General, and Uncle
               Jessie and Daisy in the pick-up.
                Now, Bo and me will start chasin' you outta town, followed by Uncle
               Jessie and Daisy...

               BO: Wait a second, Luke. That didn't work for Boss Hogg. It ain't gonna work
               for us, neither. As soon as Him and Rosco spot us followin' Cooter
               outta town, they're gonna come chasin' us.

               LUKE: And hopefully McGee will be with 'em. That's exactly what I want. Once
               we get far enough outta town that it's just them and us, Uncle Jessie
               takes out his rifle and shoots a couple o' blanks at Cooter. He takes a dive.
               McGee sees it and leaves Hazzard thinkin' that the Hulk is dead.

DAVID: It won't work.

BO: Why not?

               DAVID: First of all, once McGee sees Cooter get shot. He'll want to get closer
               to make sure that it IS the creature that was killed, and not a
               phony. Secondly, like I told you before, he knows that a man changes into the
               creature. So, even if he doesn't get close enough to recognize
               Cooter....

LUKE:...He'll know somethin's up when he doesn't change back.

DAVID: Exactly.

LUKE: Alright, just give me a minute to re-think this a little.

BALLADEER: And, back at the county courthouse, Rosco and Cletus was reportin'
to Boss that they couldn't find Cooter to give 'em a tow.

BOSS HOGG: What do you mean, you can't find 'im?! Couldn't you raise him on
the cb?

ROSCO: No, Boss. That's what we've been tryin' to tell ya. Cooter ain't at
his garage, and he ain't answerin' the cb.

BOSS HOGG: Yeah, an' I know exactly why. He's out at the Duke farm cohortin'
with them no-good Dukes and that stranger to try and snooker that reporter outta that reward money.

CLETUS: You really think so, Cousin Boss? I mean, that just doesn't sound like
somethin' the Dukes would do.

BOSS HOGG: Cletus, never mind what them Dukes would or wouldn't do! You just
get yourself cleaned up and out of that dang fool get-up and get back out to your normal speed trap duty!

CLETUS: (Sighs, frustrated) Yes, Cousin Boss.

(Cletus exits)

               BOSS HOGG: Rosco, I want you to get over to the Hazzard Gazette. I had Homer
               find me some old copies of that newspaper The National Register that McGee works for. I wanna find out everything there is to know about that Hulk thing while I still have a shot at beatin' them Dukes to that ten thousand
               dollar reward.

ROSCO: But, Boss, McGee saw right through your last scheme. What makes you
think he'd believe anything else you do?

BOSS HOGG: Will you just let me worry about that?! Now go get me them
newspapers I need! And while you're out there, bring me back somethin' to eat.

ROSCO: Boss, it's three o'clock in the afternoon. Ain't you had lunch yet?

BOSS HOGG: Yeah. But you can't very well expect me to scheme on an empty
stomach, now can ya?! Now get goin!!

ROSCO: Alright, I'm gone.

BALLADEER: And, at the farm, Luke was makin' sure everyone knew and was ready
for their parts in his big plan.

LUKE: Alright, it's just about show time. Now, everyone remember what they're
supposed to do?

DAVID: What about me?

LUKE: Well, to tell ya the truth, David, more and more I'm thinkin' the best
place for you to be during all this is right here at the farm, where you'll be as far from any trouble as possible.

DAVID: (reluctantly) Alright.

(Scene changes to Cletus in his patrol car)

               BALLADEER: Now, on his way to speed trap duty, Cletus had a sudden attack of
               conscience, which was leadin' him straight to the Dukes. Friends, you wanna talk about bein' in the wrong
               place at the wroooong time?

(Fade back to Duke farm. The Dukes and Cooter are just coming out of the house
to start Luke's plan)

LUKE: Alright, everybody, we'll see y'all in town.

UNCLE JESSIE: Alright, boys. But, listen, you just be careful you don't get
spotted, now!

BO: Yes, sir!

(Daisy pauses)

DAISY: Hey, wait a second, y'all. You hear someone commin'?

BO: I hope it ain't that McGee character again.

LUKE: Worse than that! It's Cletus! Cooter, get back into the house!!

(Cooter runs back into the house just as Cletus pulls up)

BALLADEER: Ya know, folks, given the way things usually work out for the Dukes,
I think I'd be more worried if Luke's plan had actually gone off smooth!

CLETUS: Howdy, Y'all!

UNCLE JESSIE: Hey, Cletus. What brings you by this way?

LUKE: Did Boss send you to arrest us on them phony fight charges from what
happened yesterday at the Bore's Nest?

CLETUS: No, Cousin Boss didn't send me out here. I came out on my own. But it
does have to do with what happened yesterday.

UNCLE JESSIE: Alright, Cletus, spill it. What's on yer mind?

CLETUS: Well, since I saw the General Lee in town earlier today, I don't think
I have to tell you boys what Cousin Boss made me do so he could try to con McGee out of that reward money.

(Bo tries not to laugh)

LUKE: Yeah, we sorta caught a glimpse of that.

CLETUS: Yeah, well, he thinks you folks are up to something to try to collect
that reward money, too.

UNCLE JESSIE: You don't think that, do you, Cletus?

CLETUS: No,sir, Uncle Jessie. I know you folks better than that.

LUKE: Much obliged, Cletus. But right now, we're all headed into town, so if
ya don't mind...

CLETUS: Oh, no sweat. I just wanted to come out here and warn y'all. I gotta
get back to speed trap duty, anyway. Say, by the way, would y'all have any idea where Cooter is? Rosco and me can't find him anywhere.

BO: Sorry, Cletus, we ain't seen him.

LUKE: But if we do, we'll be sure and let him know that you're lookin' for him.

CLETUS: Thanks.

(Cletus gets back in his car)

CLETUS: See y'all later.

(Cooter comes out of the house)

COOTER: What did Cletus want?

LUKE: Well, you, amoung other things.

BO: Yeah, Luke and me kinda forgot to mention that we dumped Rosco in Hazzard
swamp and he was probably gonna need a tow.

COOTER: And when he couldn't find me, he went and reported it to Boss Hogg.

BO: And Boss probably already figured you were here with us.

DAISY: So, now that Boss Hogg is on to us, what are we gonna do?

LUKE: We're gonna stick to my original plan. I just gotta re-think it a
little.

               (The scene changes, once again, to the county courthouse, where Boss Hogg and
               Rosco are surrounded by copies
                on The National Register, and Boss is eating an extra large pizza)

BOSS HOGG: Alright, Rosco. We're gonna look through every one of these here
newspapers until we find out everything we need to know about the hulk.

(Boss picks up a copy with the famous picture of the Hulk running through New
York city on the front page.)

BOSS HOGG: Hmmmph! He's even uglier in the newspaper than he is in person.

(Rosco picks up an issue and his eyes light up)

ROSCO: Ooooo, Boss! Feast your fat little eyes on this one!

(Boss grabs the newspaper from Rosco)

               BOSS HOGG: (reading the headline) Incredible Hulk Kills Two: Mysterious
               creature takes the lives of Doctors Elaina
                               Marks and David Banner.

(Rosco points to pictures of David and Elaina further down on the page)

               ROSCO: Boss, look at that guy right there. The one they said the Hulk killed.
               Ain't that the guy that jumped into the
                              General Lee after the Hulk attacked the Bore's Nest yesterday?

BOSS HOGG: (gasps) Yeah, that's him, alright. And he's supposed to be dead.

ROSCO: But he ain't dead.

BOSS HOGG: He sure ain't

ROSCO: And he IS in Hazzard County.

BOSS HOGG: He sure is. Rosco, do you know what this means?

ROSCO: Are you kiddin' me?! Of coarse I...no, what?

BOSS HOGG: You numbskull! It means we can still collect that ten thousand
dollar reward!!

ROSCO: How're we gonna do that?

BOSS HOGG: (frustrated) Simple, you knucklehead! We're gonna go out to the
Duke farm right now...

ROSCO: Yeah?

BOSS HOGG: ...and arrest David Banner!!

(Scene freezes)

BALLADEER: Well, friends, like they say in all them mystery books: The plot
thickens!

(end act 3)

Part 3