Adam Rich is the kid who just makes Mitchell nuts
when he screams about how his mom hates Mitchell's guts
Mitch rolls up his windows to block out the way
a kid on a skateboard unnerved him that day.....
For "B" we head right up to Canada you know
the dark frozen land of the great BTO
Mitchell sure likes them, and Linda can tell
this chubby band that fits Mitchell so well....
Sour Cream is the thing that fuels Mitchell's desire
as is plainly observed by his midsection tire
So open a tub up, oh hell why not two
and chug back that sucker like Mitchell would do.....
It might be confusing and it might not seem clear
when the guy known as Deaney just plain Disappears
So watch it again 'till you find out the trick
that got old John Saxon right out of that flick....
She's lovely and talented, hey she's Linda Evans
to Joe Don she seemed like a gift right from heaven
She got beer spilled on her and rolled in a bed
I can't even imagine what's wrong with her head....
A rag in a gas tank that made a loud boom
was Mitchell's big trick that he pulled on some goons
Leave it to Mitchell, that's one cop who's tricky
to come up with the thing that we call Flaming Dickey....
A rich white guy's house and a breaking of glass
look out here comes Mathis, a robber with class
He takes only the best and the rest gets neglected
a cheap Goldstar TV he never expected.....
The voice of Hoyt Axton and a song people dread
while Joe Don and Linda got sweaty in bed
I don't think Hoyt knew that his song would get tagged
on a scene that would make most sane people gag......
He's the chubby blue line, a crime fighting sensation
and no one can top Mitch on an Investigation
His methods are sloppy, spends time on the can
but in the end Mitchell gets every last man.....
But Linda got mad and crashed into his bumper
'cause all Mitch would do is get drunk and then hump her
She got out her lipstick, she KNEW this would work
as she wrote on his windshield in big letters: "Jerk!"....
Some bad guys were after old Mitchell one day
but he soon turned the tables and blew them away
One looked like Andy Kaufman, but not really too much
but his last dying words were "Tank you veddy much"....
John Saxon came home and could sense soon enough
that Mathis was messing around with his stuff
But he had some nice toys that would soon stop that crime
All hail Cedar Lattice. Yep, works every time......
The lattice swung shut and he started to bolt
but John Saxon soon ended his life with his colt
He was Johnny Mathis but just like the rest
your voice don't mean squat with some lead in your chest....
Cut back to the scene with the old stinky sheets
and Mitchell and Linda both sharing some treats
I just cannot watch this. I really must go
Wait! There on the night stand, it's Baby oil... NO!.....
Don't forget Merlin Olsen, as an actor he's tops
and he's perfect in roles that involve soup and cops
But in the end Mitchell just blew him away
get that man a loser actor bouquet..........
Large in the belly and face rather scruffy
Old Mitchell's a guy you could almost call Puffy
He eats every scene, and he drinks every other
I bet you'd be proud to be that big guys mother....
There on a park bench is where Balsam met him
all the while hoping Mitchell wouldn't get him
His accent is phony, his development thin
an old guy who was ALMOST Anthony Quinn....
On a stakeout so boring and dreadfully dumb
Mitchell seemed to have Balsam right under his thumb
But Mitch seemed confused and looked over his head
"Watch out for Falling Rocks" is what Balsam said...
He drinks every can he can get in his mitts
It seems our boy Mitchell's a sucker for Schlitz
His apartment is littered with bottles and cans
He'd drink if he could out of big pots and pans....
Not long after Mitchell had gotten past first
he was suddenly hit with a Mitchell sized thirst
He was pinned under Linda, oh what could he do?
He used the old Toe hook and snagged a cold brew....
He knew he would have to outsmart those thugs
and catch Martin Balsam and bust him for drugs
He went Undercover, can you figure that?
His awesome disguise was a stupid old hat......
A actor who's puffy, with little appeal
Joe Don has a face that makes me think of Veal
He sleeps in patrol cars, he drinks lots of beer
In my book old Mitchell is cop of the year....
The opening credits have faces that pass
Wind tunnel? Buddha? A small mouth bass?
The music is cool in a 70s way
I smile when that Waka Ju Waka does play.....
In an X-ray of Mitchell, just what would you see?
Lets look inside and see what these things be
A beer tab, some butter, a doughnut, a steak
I wonder sometimes why his belt doesn't break...
A big Yellow thing that he swung on a rope
would soon make short work of Merlin, that dope
The chopper was faster than Balsam's big boat
And Mitchell caught both of them, despite of his bloat
His apartment is shabby and covered in grime
and littered with beer cans most all of the time
Even if your nose was stuffed up with the Flu
His apartment still smells like a ripe Petting Zoo....
And so all you children we are at the end
you should know your ABCs like an old friend
Mitchell is over, the music fades out
Anyone have any idea WHAT it was about?
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