The Wreck of the Joe Don FitzBaker

The story didn't end, like we all thought my friend
When the credits of "Mitchell" came creeping
There was a bit more, on the cutting room floor
that was saved from the janitor's sweeping
With Balsam laying dead, with a bullet in his head
and a dead cork named Benton gone floating
Mitchell looked around, and in a soft sound
said "Crap, I know nothing about boating".

The boat it was nice but had paid a big price
getting rammed by a yellow thing swinging
and Mitchell was beat, a right tired slab of meat
and his head from the bullets was ringing
He stood on the deck, looked around and said "Heck,
Where the hell is that dude with the chopper?"
And looking towards land, what he thought would be grand
was to get back by noon for a whopper.

To the cabin he ran, with a half-baked plan
to radio for help back to someone
yet the hunger he fought, made it difficult for thought
and he knew that his plan was a dumb one
The radio he tried, when suddenly he spied
some soup that'd been brought on by Merlin
So he sat there and ate as the day ran on late
And the twilight of evening came whirlin'

When the soup was consumed and the darkness it loomed
our hero he started to panic
he had let his mind roam, and now he'd never get home
in time to sit down and watch "Mannix"
He was frozen with fear, thinking 'bout pretzels and beer
four directions, unsure which to take 'er
And later that night, Joe Don's pants wet with fright
Came the wreck of the Joe Don FitzBaker

He heard a weird sound, and he looked all around
it was too dark to see what was rumbling
when there in the night, he picked out a spotlight
but his last shreds of hope started crumbling
For there in the light, slightly off to the right
in a speedboat John Saxon came cruising
seems that he wasn't dead, like the radio said
and he yearned to give Mitchell a bruising

But Mitchell was quick, and he tried a fast trick
and the empty soup bowl he sent flying
despite it's small size, it hit Saxon 'tween the eyes
and our once thought dead villain, fell dying
But the speedboat still sped, with her Captain laying dead
and there was just no way it would stall
Mitchell screamed "shit!", he had drank his last Schlitz
And was lost in a huge fireball

So we swing closed the book, with one final quick look
and we know why Part 2 did not happen
Mitchell is gone, but his legend lives on
nothing left but the sound of waves lappin'
The story didn't end, like we all thought my friend
When the credits of "Mitchell" came creeping
There was a bit more, on the cutting room floor
that was saved from the janitor's sweeping