Nine: Thou shall become a subscriber to 'The Luncheon Buffet of Leonardo DiCrapio'

Eight: Thou shall not commit assault, unless on Leonardo DiCrapio's head and neck

Seven: Thou shall observe Los Angeles as the birth place of Jeffrey Dahmer, who I hear was a good pal of the Crap-Man

Six: Thou must have a website devoted to God, Leonardo DiCrapio, artificially flavored cheese byproducts, and the Green Bay Packers

Five: Thou must sacrifice all of Leo's movies AND their soundtracks to the immortal beings in the realm of cosmic energy

Four: Thou shall never stop kicking Leonardo in the ear, if you get the chance

Three: Thou shall offer his friends hundreds of dollars for two minutes with Crap-Man and an electric blender

Two: Thou shall make it thy mission in life, to meet, marry, kill, and collect insurance on Leonardo DiCrapio (his one good use)

One: Thou shall come to this site every day, strip naked, smear yourself with fingerpaint, and sacrifice a small action figure of the likeness of the Crap-Man to the wrathful gods (And, if you get the chance, get their autograph)