BACK
("Three Blind Mice" melody.)
The THREE STOOGES
CURLY LARRY MOE
COPYRIGHT MCMXLIII BY COLUMBIA PICTURES CORP.
Produced and directed by
Jules White
Story and Screen Play by
CLYDE BRUCKMAN
Director of Photography
BENJAMIN KLINE, A.S.C.
Film Editor..CHARLES HOCHBERG
Art Director..VICTOR GREENE
APPROVED
CERTIFICATE
9270
mpPdA
Western Electric
MICROPHONIC
COLUMBIA SHORT SUBJECT
(Moe is reading the following letter aloud, verbatim except for the Latin header, the "#," and the handwritten signature, and he reads "proved" instead if "proven":)
Fortes et Valor
Republic of Cannabeer, P.U.
DRAFT BOARD No. 145 I.O.U.
Wrong Brothers--R.F.D. #7
Stincoala, Moronica
Sirs:
This draft board has decided to extend to
you a thirty day deferment from military service.
This is based on your claim that you have
invented an airplane that will revolutionize
flying. However, if at the end of thirty days
you have not proven your plane to be all that you
claim it is, you will be inducted into the service.
Very truly yours
Joe Strubachincoscow
JOE STRUBACHINCOSCOW
MOE: Shew! What a moniker! (Excitedly) We made it! Now we got a chance to finish the Buzzard, the greatest plane ever made!
LARRY: Nobody ever thought of inventin' a plane like ours.
CURLY: You said it, we're great inventors. Robert Fulton, Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell, da na Vinci and us!
MOE: Huh huh huh. (Pats Curly on the head.)
CURLY: Huh huh huh huh.
MOE: OK, let's finish 'er up so a-flying we can go!
LARRY (singing into a tube): Da da-da, da da-da, da da-da...
ALL (singing): A-flying we will go!
LARRY & MOE (singing into tubes): Da da-da, da da-da, da da-da...
ALL (singing): A-flying we will go!
MOE: S-- (The Stooges start to reach out together in a stage routine but collide with each other.)
MOE: Oh!
CURLY (as Moe clamps plunger on Curly's head): Upp!
(They begin marching and singing, with Moe leading Curly around by the plunger on his head.)
ALL (singing): A-flying we will go. A-flying we will go. (Curly begins keeping beat by banging on a pan.) Da da-da, da da-da, da da-da, A-flying we will go. A-flying we will go.
MOE: Break it up! (Pulls the plunger off Curly's head.)
CURLY: Oop!
MOE: Boy, when we paint the Buzzard with this quick-drying melted rubber, it'll be waterproof and iceproof.
LARRY: Right! (Moe throws the oar to Larry, who begins acting like a soldier carrying a rifle.)
LARRY: Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! (Larry turns like a soldier, smacking Moe in the face with the oar.)
MOE: Ooh!
(Larry quickly begins stirring the rubber paint with the oar.)
CURLY (laughing at Moe): Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk...
MOE (angry at Curly): Why you...
(Moe grabs the hammer from Curly's hand and conks Curly on the head with a hammer but the hammer bounces back and hits Moe in the head, too.)
CURLY & MOE: Oop!
MOE: Come on... (Moe drags Curly off by the ear.)
CURLY: Don't do that. Don't do that!
MOE: Where's your vice?
CURLY (angelically): Vice? I have no vice. I'm as pure as the driven snow. (Gestures with his two hands flat, then holds them in a praying position.)
MOE: (Nods sarcastically.) But you drifted. (Hits Curly on the head.)
CURLY: Oh!
MOE: Get outta here and get the vice.
(Moe is assembling a carburator, which is held by a vice..)
MOE: Hold that. (Hands Curly a large wrench.) Hold that. (Hands Curly a hammer.) Here, roll me a cigarette. (Hands Curly a tobacco package.)
(Larry is stirring the paint with the oar and pretends to be at sea by extending his other arm with a paddling motion. Curly pours a huge amount of tobacco onto the cigarette paper, fumbles and drops tobacco all over while rolling the cigarette, ending up with an empty paper. Moe reaches for the handle of the vice, but can't reach it.)
MOE: Hey, when I say "now," tighten this vice, will ya?
CURLY: You can depend on me. (Continues rolling the cigarette.)
MOE (thoughtfully, to himself): Let me see, now if I...
(Curly rushes up and clamps the vice down on Moe's fingers.)
MOE (in pain): Oh oh oh oh oh! Look what you're doin'... Oh oh!
CURLY: I did what you said--and you said "now." (Moe kicks Curly.)
CURLY: Oh! Ungrateful, eh? (Barking.) Ruff! Ruff!
MOE: Oh! Get me out of this--! Oh, oh, oh, oh... (Curly knees down to release the vice.)
CURLY: Hey Moe, it's stuck, hit it on top of the head.
(Moe hits the vice lever, which rotates and hits Curly in the cheek.)
CURLY (holding his cheek in pain): Oh, oh, oh, ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
(Moe frees himself from the vice.)
MOE (in pain): O-wo-wo-wo...
CURLY: Ooh he broke it--I hope!
MOE: No, he didn't! (Pokes Curly in the eyes with his two injured fingers.)
CURLY: Oh! Why you...! (Curly lifts Moe's bangs and conks him on the forehead.)
MOE: Oh! I'll murder you...
CURLY: Oh no-no-no-no...
(Moe tries reaching for something on the table, then begins chasing Curly.)
CURLY (getting behind the tub): Oh no, I didn't mean it, please! Look out!
MOE (to Larry): Get out of the way!
CURLY: Oh! Wait a minute, wait a minute! (Moe pauses.) Don't you dare hit me in the head--you know I'm not normal.
MOE: I'll normal you!
(Moe swings the oar back over his head, smacking Larry behind him on the head. Moe yanks on the oar, which yanks on Larry's hair.)
LARRY: Uhhh! (Moe yanks the oar again on Larry's hair.) Uhhh!
(Moe spits on his hands for a better grip, yanks one last time, hard, the oar pulls free from Larry's head, but Moe falls backward into the tub of rubber paint.)
CURLY (scared): Mmm! (Looks at Larry's hair stuck to the oar.) Oh! OK, Moe. (Dips oar under Moe.) Help me, Larry! (Strains on the oar.) Mmm! Mmm!
LARRY (helping Moe out with pincers around Moe's neck): Come on, Moe, there you go, there, there you go, there, come on, come on boy.
(Moe is standing up, completely covered with rubber paint. Larry wipes the rubber from Moe's face with a cloth.)
MOE: Get his rubber off of me, you idiots!
CURLY: You know that self-sealing rubber don't come off easily. This is gonna be a tough job.
MOE: Inflate this rubber thing with that hydrogen gas. Then when the gas fills the suit, it'll pull away from my body, then you can cut it off in strips.
(Larry and Curly get the hoses from the hydrogen tank. Moe flaps his arms once in exasperation, but then they stick to his sides.)
MOE (woefully): Now my hands are gone!
(Curly inserts the gas nozzle into Moe's right trouser leg.)
LARRY: Gas on. (Turns the gas on two tanks labeled HYDROGEN GAS, after a few seconds looks astonished at Moe.)
(The gas has inflated Moe's rubber coating like a balloon. Curly is lying on the floor at Moe's foot and nozzle, inspecting the operation.)
LARRY (kneeling down to Curly): How you comin'?
CURLY: OK. Gas off!
LARRY: Gas off. (Larry goes and turns the gas off.)
MOE (muffled): Hey, hurry up you guys. Get a knife and cut this off of me.
LARRY: OK! Hold still!
(Larry and Curly two run off, Moe floats to the ceiling.)
MOE: Woahhhh!
CURLY (scared): Nyuh!
(Moe's head strikes a rafter.) Oh-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo...
CURLY: Hey, Moe, what're you doin' up there?
MOE: It's the gas, you idiots!
CURLY: Shall I get you some bicarbonate soda?
MOE: Shut up and get me down! (Curly is reaching up to Moe with a pole.) Oh, ooh! Get me down!
CURLY (holding the pole): Nyuk nyuk!
(Larry grabs the pole from Curly and pushes the pole into Moe's nose, causing it to honk.)
MOE: Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah... (Moe's head strikes the rafter again.) Ah-wah-wah-wah-wah...
LARRY: Open your mouth and I'll push you away.
MOE: OK.
(Moe opens his mouth, they put the pole in Moe's mouth.)
MOE: Oh-h-h, oh-h-h... (Moe's head bangs a rafter again.)
CURLY: Ooh!
MOE: Help me, you guys!
CURLY: I got an idea. Get out of the way!
(Curly pulls a lasso down from a shelf and pretends to be a cowboy.)
CURLY: Yahoo! Wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa!
(Curly throws the lasso, which catches Larry behind Curly around the neck. Curly pulls Larry up to him and Larry bumps into Curly with a honking sound.)
LARRY (pulling off the lasso): Get outa here you...
(Now Larry tries the lasso.)
MOE: Get me down! (Begins crying.)
(Larry throws the lasso, it catches around a beam behind Moe's head and across Moe's neck.)
LARRY (to Curly): Come on! (Curly joins in pulling on the rope.)
MOE: Be careful! Or I'll murder you. Oooh...!
(The rope is pulling across Moe's neck.)
MOE: Ungh!
CURLY: Wait a minute! Wait a minute! We're out of rhythm. When now I say "three," we'll both yank together. One... (Pauses.) What comes after one?
LARRY (spitting the word): Two!
CURLY: Ooh! (Wipes Larry's spit from his face.) Mmm! Thank you.
CURLY: One! Two! (Spits back in Larry's face on "two.")
CURLY: Three!
(They yank hard, the rafter flies down and hits them on the heads, knocking them to the floor. Larry rubs his head.)
CURLY: We got 'im! Heh-heh. (Reels in the rope.) Are you OK, Moe? Talk to me, say a few-- (Reaches the board at the end of the rope.) That ain't Moe.
LARRY: Shut up, you splinter brain. He's still up there!
CURLY: Hey, what dummies we are! We can jump up and pull him down!
LARRY: Right!
LARRY & MOE: Hey, hey! Hup! Hup! Hup!
(They go into a Russian dance routine. Larry jumps on Curly, who holds Larry by the legs.)
MOE (while being pulled down): Oh, you feather brains, I'll murder ya.
LARRY: Whew!
CURLY: Whew!
LARRY: Success!
CURLY: Success!
(Larry and Curly shake hands.)
LARRY: Let's get the knives!
(They shake hands, whereupon Moe floats off again, this time through an opening in the ceiling.)
MOE: Oh, I'm floating! Save me! Oh, oh-oh-oh!
CURLY (scared): Nyuh-uh-uh. He's a free balloon!
MOE (among the clouds): Oh, I'm floating!
(Larry stands watches Moe drift off, wringing his hands in worry. Curly runs to where a rifle is leaning against a bench. He grabs and cocks the rifle. Larry runs up to Curly.)
LARRY: What're you doing with that rifle? Don't you know any better than to use a rifle? You might miss 'im! Here! Use the shotgun!
CURLY (gleefully): Ooh! (Runs up, looking for Moe.) Woo-woo-woo-woo...!
MOE: Save me, oh-oh-oh...
LARRY (points upwards): There he is!
MOE (among the clouds): I'm floating away!
CURLY: Hold still, Moe, I'll have you down in a minute.
(Curly aims carefully and shoots the shotgun. Moe's suit explodes with a bright flash and remains floating while Moe falls free through the bottom of the suit.)
MOE (falling): Woahhhhhhhhhhhh...
CURLY (scared): Nyuh-uh-uh!
(Curly drops the shotgun, and Larry and Curly run up to where Moe is falling, with Curly "wo-wo-wo"-ing as he runs. Moe lands in a well. Curly and Larry run up just as the water splashes them in their faces. Curly slaps himself in the face to clear the water, and sputters.)
CURLY: I'm through.
LARRY: So am I. At last the Buzzard is finished. Let's get it out.
MOE: Yeah, the aircraft men will be here in a minute to watch our test flight.
CURLY: Yes, yes, go on. I'm palpitating.
MOE: Shaddup. Just remember. If we flop, we're drafted. We've got to make good!
LARRY: Hey, wait a minute. Who's gonna fly the Buzzard? We don't know anything about flyin'.
MOE: Neither did the Wright Brothers. But they flew. Anything the Wright Brothers can do, the Wrong Brothers can do! Right?
LARRY: Right.
CURLY: Wrong. (Larry and Moe look at Curly angrily.)
LARRY: --Brothers!
MOE: Alright, we gotta get the Buzzard out. (Moe walks forward.) Hey, wait a minute. We can't get the Buzzard out--the door's too small!
CURLY: Why take it out? Let's fly the garage with it! (Laughs.)
LARRY: Yeah, sort of a cabin job. (Larry and Curly laugh.)
(Moe begins to laugh along, mockingly, then slaps both on the faces in a single sweeping motion.)
MOE: I'll getcha out of this. Wait a minute. (Snaps his fingers.) We got a cutting job to do. Get some saws!
(Curly and Larry grab some saws, Larry runs off with his saw but Curly remains and begins sawing on one of the plane's wings while Moe stands thinking.)
MOE: Hey you nitwit! Don't saw the wings, you saw the garage!
CURLY: I see the garage, but I don't saw the garage. You are
speaking incorrectly. You are more you're into King's English. Et cetera.
See? Saw? See? See?
MOE: Yagh! (Starts to strangle Curly.) Shut up! You saw one side and
Larry will saw the other. (Moe points.)
CURLY: Oh, I see. I saw! (Curly grabs Moe's left arm and begins to
saw.)
MOE: Woah! (Grabs the saw away from Curly.) Not like that,
like this! (Moe pulls the saw blade back like a spring and slaps Curly in
the side of the face with it.)
CURLY: Oh! (Moe then draws the saw forward on Curly's head.)
(Moe holds up the saw and is astonished to see the saw teeth have been badly damaged from drawing it across Curly's head.)
(Moe throws down the saw, angrily.)
MOE: Come on, we gotta warm the plane up. (Grabs Curly by the ear. Yells to Larry.) Hey, porcupine, get in the cockpit!
(Larry is sitting in the cockpit, Moe and Curly are at the propeller.)
LARRY: Contact!
(Curly pushes the propeller up, which hits Moe on the head.)
MOE: Ooh. I'll murder you!
LARRY: Contact!
MOE: Contact!
CURLY: Hey, wait a minute! I want a contract, too! You can't get away with this!
MOE: OK, OK! (Pats Curly on the face, obligingly.) You'll get a contract. Step right on the dotted line. (Pulls Curly over to where Moe was originally standing.)
MOE: Contact!
CURLY: Oh boy, I'm gonna get a--
MOE: (Moe pushes the propeller up which bangs Curly on the head.)
CURLY: Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
MOE: Come on, get over here! (Moe pulls Curly aside by the arm.)
MOE: Contact!
LARRY (answering): Contact!
(Moe spins the propeller, which causes the plane to spark, then stop. Moe snaps his fingers in exasperation.)
MOE: Now, contact!
LARRY (answering): Contact.
(Moe prepares with three starter pushes, then gives a big push on the propeller away from him, but the propeller comes back at him. Moe gets stuck on the whirling propeller.)
MOE: Woah! Woah! Woah!
(Moe is thrown off and tossed into the tub of rubber again.)
CURLY: Oh!
(Curly grabs the oar and Larry grabs a pincers hook.)
CURLY: Here we go again!
(Larry and Curly begin extracting Moe from the tub of rubber paint.)
(Two men in suits are waiting outside the garage to watch the test flight. The man with binoculars is lighting a cigarette for the man with glasses.)
MAN WITH BINOCULARS: You know, I never thought the Sky Aircraft Company would watch a test flight of three screwballs like the Wrong Brothers.
MAN WITH GLASSES: They're either miracle men or they're insane.
MAN WITH BINOCULARS: There they go. (Holds binoculars to his eyes.)
(The Stooges' biplane takes off from a runway but is weaving almost uncontrollably in every direction.)
(The Stooges are sitting aboard the open biplane, which is flying.)
CURLY: Hey! Quick wavin' bye-bye, I'm gettin' seasick!
MOE: Shut up!
(Moe turns around and slaps Curly in the face.)
CURLY: Oh!
(Scene of the plane flying with clouds in the background.)
MOE: Boy, isn't this Buzzard a honey? We oughta get a contract for a million of them.
LARRY (to Curly): Hey move will ya, you're on my leg.
(Larry and Curly begin arguing rapidly.)
CURLY & LARRY: --Hey, I told you...--...on the side... --You're on my leg...--...on my leg...--...You're on my leg...--I told you...--...on the side...--...hush!...--
(Curly's foot comes up and breaks a wire.)
MOE: What was that?
CURLY: That isn't anything. Just some little ol' wire broke loose from some little ol' lever.
(Moes stuggles with the controls.)
MOE: That was our rudder, you idiot! Now we can't get our plane where we want it to go!
CURLY: Is that important? Are we goin' anywhere?
LARRY: Yeah, into the army, if this plane fails, you dope.
CURLY: That wouldn't be bad. I wouldn't mind being a general. Hup! (Salutes.) Hup! (Salutes, chopping Larry in the head.)
(The plane begins sputtering.)
MOE: We're losing altitude! We gotta get rid of some weight. (Looks at Curly.)
CURLY: What'ya lookin' at me for?
(Plane begins diving with a roar.)
MOE: Is there any gas left?
CURLY: I don't know. The arrow points half way. I don't know if it's half empty or half full!
MOE (exasperated): Why... Throw out the clutch.
CURLY: (slaps his forehead in disbelief) But Moe if I throw out the clutch--
MOE: Do as you're told! (Curly winces.)
CURLY: I guess he knows what he wants--I hope. (Pulls up his shirt and pulls out the big wrench, reaches down to the controls.)
MOE: Hey, roll me a cigarette. Here you are. (Hands tobacco to Larry in the back seat.) Here you are.
(The tobacco flies in Larry's face and chest as he attempts to pour it in the wind. Larry sputters, wipes his face and chest and pulls a cigar out of his right shirt pocket.)
LARRY: Here. (Hands Moe a cigar.)
MOE: Oh thanks. (Puts the cigar in his mouth.)
CURLY: Hey I couldn't find the clutch so I'll throw out the gear shift lever. See? (Curly throws out the gear shift lever.)
MOE: Woah! (Grabs in vain for the falling gear shift lever, and loses his cigar.) You idiot, I oughta kill you!
(The two men below are looking up, open-mouthed, at the Stooges, and the man with binoculars holds the binoculars to his eyes.)
MOE: Take the controls!. I'll fix the rudder cable.
(Moe attempts to stand and nearly falls out of the plane. Curly grabs him.)
MOE: Woah! Woah you--
(The plane comes flying in.)
CURLY: Hey, what'll we do next?
(Curly yanks a large rod from the controls and throws it out. Larry looks down, bug-eyed from fright, at the falling rod. The plane begins spinning uncontrollably, then downwards, and another plane goes by.)
MOE: Woah! Wo-oh-oh...! Woah!
(Moe is turned around in the front seat, gripping Curly by the shoulders.)
MOE: Wo-oh-oh!
LARRY: Hey, are you two guys going steady?
(Moe slaps Larry.)
MOE: Woah!
(The plane makes a low pass, then pulls into a vertical climb.)
MOE: Woah! We're turnin' over! (The plane turns upside down.)
CURLY: My stomach's in my mouth!
ALL (falling): Ahhhhhhhhh...!
(They all fall out, through the clouds, and into their well. The two observer men rush up to the well. The well splashes the two men, knocking the hat off the man with glasses. He shakes his fists in exasperation.)
(The Stooges have been inducted into the service and come walking up near a bench.)
MOE: Oh boy, a bench!
CURLY (chuckling contentedly): Heh heh heh heh heh...
CURLY: What a life! Nothin' to do but live off the fat of the land.
MOE: And eat and sleep.
(The sargeant is standing in front of them.)
SARGEANT: Attention! (The stooges spring to their feet.) Right shoulder: arms! Attention! (The Stooges stand at attention with their rifles shouldered, Moe had shouldered his rifle on the left.) About: face!
(They turn, which causes Larry's and Curly's rifles to hit the sargeant in the head with a clanging sound.
SARGEANT (holding his head in pain): Oh!
(The Stooges turn around again, again hitting the sargeant in the head with a clanging sound.)
SARGEANT: Attention! Present arms! You dumb bells!
(The sargeant kicks Larry in the rear, causing his rifle to fire. A duck falls at his feet.)
CURLY: Ooh!
(The sargeant kicks Curly, causing his rifle to fire. No duck falls. The sargeant kicks Moe, causing his rifle to fire. A duck falls at his feet.)
MOE: A duck.
LARRY: Look at mine.
CURLY: But mine missed! (A duck falls at Curly's feet.) Ooh! A duck for my tapeworm! (Laughs.)
SARGEANT: Drop those ducks and fall in line!
(The Stooges start to run off, carrying their ducks.)
SARGEANT: Hey! (The Stooges run back and set down their ducks.)
CURLY (to his duck): Don't go away! Nyuk nyuk nyuk!
(The Stooges fall in with the rest of the company, lined up.)
SARGEANT: Now get this. I'm gonna make soldiers out of you guys if I have to kill ya. (To rest of company.) And that goes for you, too! Attention! Right shoulder: arms! R-ight face! (The Stooges face in the wrong direction.) By twos: Forward: march!
(The sargeant marches off with the rest of the company while the Stooges march off in the opposite direction, with Curly in the rear doing a fancy walking-and-sliding pattern.)
CURLY: Nyuk nyuk nyuk. Hey, don't look now but I think we're goin' the wrong way!
(Moe and Larry stop, alarmed, and all three go running back to join the rest of the company marching.)
SARGEANT: To the rear! March!
(The company reverses direction, now led by the Stooges. The sergeant rushes up in front of the company to lead everyone. Curly begins his odd skipping march and the company behind him begins to copy Curly's march. The sargeant stops to let them march by, notices something wrong, stoops down, wide-eyed in astonishment to see their march.)
SARGEANT: Company! Halt! What do you guys think you're doin'? Playin' hippity hop at the barber shop? (Curly brushes the seargeant's stripes to appease him but the sargeant sweeps his hand away.) Now snap into it and march like soldiers. (To rest of the company.) And that goes for you, too. About: face!
CURLY (to Moe): I won't do it. He don't pay my salary. It's the guy with the beard. I would--uh-yuh! (The sargeant is suddenly behind Curly, listening in.)
SARGEANT: About face! Forward march!
(The company is facing each other and ram into each other as they start to march.)
SARGEANT: Company attention! Fall in on that line! Fall in! (The company falls in.) Now listen. One more break out of you guys and I'm gonnna hang ya. All three of ya! Now I'm gonna teach you how to be soldiers whether you like it or not! Right shoulder: arm! Left shoulder: arm! Right shoulder: arm! Forward: arm! Extension: arm! Port: arm! Extension: arm! Right shoulder: Arm! Arm! Arm! Arm! Arm! Arm! Arm! Arm! (Quick pause.) Arm! Left shoulder: arm!
SARGEANT (to Curly): What do you think you're doin'? I'm gonna show you how to do the manual of arms. (Takes Curly's rifle.)
SARGEANT: Port: arms. Present: arms! (The sargeant throws the rifle to Curly.) Now do it just like I did it!
SARGEANT: Port: arm! Present: arms!
(Curly throws his rifle back at the sargeant and knocks him unconscious with a clanging sound.)
CURLY: Ooh!
LARRY (scared): Nyuh-uh-uh!
(They all run off down a palm-lined city street.)
CURLY: Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo...
("Three Blind Mice" melody.)
BACK to "Little Sweetheart" page
File: lsdizzy.htm
Updated: November 22, 1998
Get your own Free Home Page