my obsessive compulsive disorder

Ahhh...yes. Yes, yes....I know. I know what you're thinking. 'Not another one of those stupid little girls that just swoon over older rock stars.' Well, maybe you'd like to think you're right. But it's so much more to me. I don't even know if anyone's going to actually read all of this. I really don't. But I do know that I have to say all this. And for those of you that don't really care to read this or just don't feel like reading right now, I put some exceptionally stunning pictures of him on here:) I have been completely fixated with this man for what seems like the longest time. Just the mention of his name gets me weak in the knees and turns me into a giddy, little uncontrollable teenybopper. I eat, sleep, and breathe Jakob Dylan. I will never forget the first time I saw him. It was in the June '97 issue of Seventeen. He was in "Top 10 Guys We Love" article...to be absolutely truthful, I must say that at first glance I thought he was a Gallagher brother. Don't laugh! I didn't know anything about music at the time...LOL....ok, you can laugh now. Um, well, after reading about him, I found out that he was actually not an Oasis brother, but that he was really the lead of a band called the Wallflowers....a band that, in the near future, I would just fall in love with. Anyhow, after seeing the article, I got a little interested and I soon saw him on MTV for the video of that so unpopular (yeah right;) song called "One Headlight". As soon as I heard his voice and saw his face enlarged on the screen, every other guy that I had had crushes on for 3 months flew out one side of my head. I was hooked.

The internet became my therapy for this sudden infatuation. I looked everywhere for pictures and facts on him. I quickly found out that he was married to a lady named Paige. I locked myself in a dark room, lit candles, and cried after finding out this information (no joke). After coming out of this solitary hiding, I looked for more things on the internet. I found out that the Wallflowers were coming to Dallas, which is only half an hour away from where I live. Oh joy!! Not for long. My parents decided to drag me on a trip to hell on the day of the holy concert. Well, gee folks, that kinda blew my plans. I spent my entire summer buried under a dark cloud of depression. I wanted to die. The fact that I had to go into seventh grade only made that worse.

I did, however, find a little peace in watching MTV, drawing, writing poetry, dreaming, and repeating to myself, "Do not fear, the Wallflowers will return....." over and over again. Then, one glorious day in late November, I was listening to my local alternative radio station. "Push" was playing. When the song ended, the DJ said "That was "Push" by Matchbox 20....they're coming to Dallas next month to perform at Bronco Bowl with the Wallflowers...." I remember that ever so clearly. I went into shock. Was I hearing the DJ right? I then slapped myself and ran into my mom's room, screaming at her. I got her to call the ticketmaster and I crossed every limb on my body, hoping that I would be able to get good tickets. No such luck. They were all sold out :(

Yet again, I was depressed. Even more this time. I couldn't believe it. I cried myself to sleep that night. My parents tried to cheer me up, but nothing worked. Then, something wonderful happened. On the 27th (which is my birthday), my mom informed me that she had gotten front row tickets from a scalper. I went crazy. I have never seeing a person go from depression to pure bliss in such a short time period. From that time on, I literally counted the hours till the concert. Time passed by quickly, and Christmas came. Five days after Christmas was the concert.

The concert was amazing to say the least. My older brother, John, was the only person that went with me. Matchbox 20 was on for a little while and then the Wallflowers came on. I nearly fainted. I could not believe Jakob Dylan was on the stage. I was completely out of it. All I could see was blue lights and Jake. He looked beautiful, absolutely beautiful. And his raspy voice sounded like that of an angel's. It was obvious to me that he had it, whatever it is. The whole show just blew me away. I even got Mike Ward (the bald guitarist for those of you who don't know;) to wave at me! But I wanted Jake to open his eyes and shake my hand, or at least look at me and acknowledge my existence. So far, he had shaken one person's hand in the audience and even hugged a lady in a red shirt that ran on stage. It was my turn, I thought to myself. So, I started to lean over the railing during the last song. I screamed Jake's name over and over again. Why couldn't he just look at me? I leaned over it some more until I was practically sitting on the rail. Before I could even scream Jake's name again, I was pushed over. I landed in front of the railing, on both feet. Then this guard came over to me and dragged me off to a farther away seating. I was nowhere in the band's sight. To this day, my brother swears that Jake smiled at me. And you know what? I believe him. (He's always been an honest boy and he never, ever would lie about something like that or I'd be forced to kill him :)

Well, what can I say after that? I became even more obsessed with the Wallflowers and their music and became determined to see them again. I waited for 4 short months and then, late in April, I was listening to that same alternative station and I heard the DJ say "Next month, May 24th at the Coca-Cola Starplex, Violent Femmes, Toadies, and the Wallflowers are gonna perform...be the 94th caller to win tickets...." Talk about deja' vu. Well, I called in over and over again and then some more. The DJ picked up, and do you know what? I won!! Well, after I freaked out on the phone and made sure that I made a complete fool out of myself on the radio, I ran around the house screaming obscenities at everyone. They all wondered the same thing, "Why the hell are you so happy?" I was really, really happy. Ecstatic, actually.

Well, I called everyone I knew and told them the good news. Then, a few days before the concert, I found out that I got back row seats. Not good. But I had hope that something good would come out of this. Or I could just make a really big sign. And that's exactly what I did. It was huge and said (this is cliched;) "I LOVE THE WALLFLOWERS!" on it. And I even bought a little teddy bear and decorated it with a golden mask and a little cape with the (W) insignia on it. I was determined to get the bear to Jakob.

Well, I went to my second Wallflowers' concert. Yes, I was really far away from the stage, but even from afar, you can still see all the emotion in Jake's face when he sings. They all performed just brilliantly. I cried when they played "Josephine". I really did...it was too amazing. The show ended and I walked around outside, still holding the little bear. I met up with these two girls (who were almost as obsessed as me;) and they told me to give the bear to this guard who was standing near the backstage fence area. I did and then me, John, and the two girls went to another side of the fence and waited. And waited some more. Then, something utterly fantastic happened. Mario Calire (drummer) came out! I was shocked enough. I got a hug and autographs from him. But then something very, very miraculous happened. A van drove out of the fence and the door popped open. There sat all of the Wallflowers, I couldn't see Jake yet though because he was in the back of the van. There was a man standing next to it telling us not to take pictures or get too close. I couldn't help it, I just had to see Jakob! So, I jutted my head in the van and there sat, hunched over, the most beautiful creature I have ever laid my eyes on in person. I nearly cried by just staring at him. Obviously he saw me since he looked at me and said, "I like your shirt" (it had him on it...;) All I could do was mutter out a little thank you and continue to gawk. Then that guy next to the van got my head out and the Wallflowers signed everything they were given. They are really nice people.....they're all very down-to-earth and completely normal, **laughs** nothing like me. Anywho, after they signed everything, they talked to the few fans that had surrounded the van.

So, I was just standing there in front of their van, struggling to think of something to say that I wouldn't regret in years to come. Then I remembered to ask the band if they had gotten the bear. Rami Jaffee (keyboards) said "Oh yeah, the one with cape?" So, to my surprise, they did get it. I'm glad I could trust that guard. **smiles** Cause most of them are evil. Anyways, then I got up the courage to ask Jake for a handshake. So, I stuck my head in the van again and said something like this, "Oh my gosh....Jake, I love you *so* much...I would die if you would shake my hand...." so Jake scooted up a little and then I stuck my left hand out (no, I'm not a lefty...for some strange reason I just wanted to feel his ring....don't ask why;)....so Jake extended his left hand out in this angle so that it was like he was holding my hand, not shaking it. Then he squeezed it. It was the most remarkable feeling ever. I nearly died right there. My whole body went numb. I couldn't believe what was happening.

That pesky guy got my head out of the van again, but I did congratulate Jakob on his new baby. He smiled really big to that. I also told him about how I kiss all his pictures at home for good luck (ok, I kiss 'em even when I don't need good luck;). He smiled to that to and said, "Oh, well Greg does the same thing..." awwwwww.....lol.....did I mention Jake's got a real sense of humor? Well, he does. My boy's hilarious. Ok, then that same guy made everyone get about a foot away from the van. The doors were still open and you could see Jake's silhouette through the window. He put his hood on. I told the girl next to me, "Doesn't he just look adorable in a hood?" and she told me to say it louder so he could hear me. So I said again, only louder this time, "He looks so adorable in a hood!" Right then you could see him turn his head and wave. Then me and the girls held up our signs and screamed while the Wallflowers drove away.

And that is what has happened to me up to now involving Jakob. He has really become a big part of my life. I just adore him. And, no, it's not because of those big, gorgeous blue eyes or even his pouty lips. Yeah, he's very, very handsome, but I see more than that. I would just like people to know that I don't like him just for superficial reasons. I love him for so many reasons. I love him for just being him. I love his shyness. I love his lyrics. I love the way he just changes the subject when an interviewer starts talking about Bob. I love the way he sings with such passion that he doesn't have to use any gimmicks. I love his strength to keep his band together no matter what. There are so many things that I love about this man that the list could go on and on forever. There, I'm glad I got that out in the open. Just had to put the way I feel into words....I feel much better now.....I think I'll go listen to some Wallflowers....