Classic Comments
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that
nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains,
because the average man can see better than he can think.
When I get real bored, I like to drive down town and get a
great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many
people ask if I'm leaving.
When I was a kid, we had a quicksand box in the backyard. I
was an only child. . .eventually.
I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had
to buy them again.
I went to a general store, but they wouldn't let me buy
anything specific.
I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little
pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran
around in circles.
I spilled Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
I bought some powdered water, but I didn't know what to add.
I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collection of sea
shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world.
Maybe you've seen some of it.
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories...
There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the
shore like an idiot.
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't live there?
Did George Washington just flash a quarter for his ID?
I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live
above me are furious.
Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers . . .
It doesn't matter what temperature a room is, it's always
room temperature.
Ballerinas are always on their toes. Why don't they just get
taller ballerinas?
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the
precipitate.
You can't have everything...where would you put it?
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time."
So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I
think I've forgotten this before.
On the ceilings in my house, I have paintings of the rooms
above so I never have to go upstairs.
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you
sleep good?" I said, "No, I made a few mistakes."
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The E-Mail Humour Resource Center
