The FSMs and FSs have spent a few days educating Maria, their new member, in the ways of Frollo-ite. She is now wearing black and purple robes herself. Happy to have a reason to explore their favorite haunts, the Frollo crowd travels around terrorizing the calm Parisians, carrying black banners supporting Frollo. When his time allows, Frollo himself joins them, and often his minions do jobs for him. Today, he has assigned Maria on her first solo duty to watch the square outside of Notre Dame and keep it clear of sexy young gypsy dancers with sidekick goats. Uncertain that she'll be able to do a solo run withotu a few glitches, a few FSMs lurk around the square, keeping an eye on her.
She stands in a business-like, intimidating manner on the steps of Notre Dame. Across the square, Clopin's puppet show is going on, with throngs of modern gypsies partying their hearts out. Suddenly, Esmeralda appears in their midst and begins dancing. Maria stiffens, glaring at Djali.
"You, gypsy girl!" Maria yells across the square.
"Oh, great, the fanatic new kid," the gypsies mutter. Generally, the FSM and CSG crowd gets along, but clearly unwitting newcomers regularly overstep bounds and provoke hostilities.
"Get that goat out of here!" Maria yells. The hidden FSMs begin to rise, but Aranxta gives a negative signal from her post at the belltower. They sink back down, waiting. Maria continues. "Frollo doesn't like you around here! You did bad things to him, so clear out," Maria continues. Clearly annoyed, Esmeralda vanishes back into the gypsy crowd. The Clopin fans give up an agitated murmur.
"Look," one of them says, "We don't bother you, you don't bother us. Just because you like a creepy villain and we like a flambuoyant gypsy king doesn't mean that we can't get along."
"But there's a BIG conflict of interests," Maria says back, staring down the brightly clothed CSG.
Unable to contain themselves, two FSMs rise and dash into the square, where clearly a fight is brewing. They bear the guilty look of those who bear affections for Clopin as well. However, the crowd, gypsy and Parisian, is too heavy now and they can't get through to Maria in time before...
She begins to sing
MARIA:
Judge Claude Frollo...
You lovely villain...
Villain of scandalous obsession
Always the fireplace burning,
Always his blackened heart yearning...
(speaks) See, he really is so much better!
A few CSGs, really vexed now, begin to sing
CSGs:
Judge Claude Frollo...
You ugly villain...
Villain of moral recession
Always his loyalities turning
Always the innocents burning
And commands screeching
And off of the commoners leeching
And the law breaching
and immoral favors beseeching!
Now, giving in to their bloodlust, all the FSMs jump from their posts into the square, some even coming from their posts afar. The double affiliated FSMs sigh, and give up their dual-sided natures and join their loyal companions in rooting for Frollo. The FSMs form three lines on the steps of Notre Dame, with each line taking a step down towards the more numerous CSGs, who side-step each time and then cartwheel around the darkly clad offenders.
FSMs: We like to be Frollo's mistresses!
CSGs: Even though he always misdresses!
FSMs: We like to cling onto his tresses!
CSGs: Our stomachs he always distresses.
MARIA, challenging a specific CSG: I love the way he sings "Hellfire."
CSG: Clopin could sing that song much higher!
MARIA: When he falls from the roof I swoon.
CSG: Didn't fall a moment too soon!
The CSGs form a parallel set of lines to the FSMs, and a back-and-forth dance begins
CSGs: We like to worship our Gypsy King!
FSMs: HA! What is up with that puppet thing?
CSGs: We sacrifice horus to hear him sing!
FSMs: We FSMs weren't even listening.
The battle between Maria and the CSG continues
CSG: I love the flippant way he reigns!
MARIA: Frollo put "Gymnast Boy" in chains!
CSG: When he sings, blood heats in my veins!
MARIA: For me, he induces strong muscle pains!
All the FSMs and CSGs begin to tango with each other wildly
ALL: Frollo and Clopin don't get along
As evidenced by this wacko song
Frollo does no right, Clopin no wrong
But in our hearts these two guys belong!
Clearly annoyed by the saccharine ending to the song, the CSGs and FSMs stop dancing and break off into conversation.
"Well, THAT was a cheesy ending," Covielle says, leaning on a fellow FSM.
"Who wrote this thing, anyway?" her partner answers. Covielle blushes deeply and pretends to be deeply engaged in cleaning her fingernails.
"It had a better ending than the movie," Frollofreak says to the CSG, her eyes misting over with the vision of Frollo plummeting from the cathedral.
"It was a GREAT ending! Esmeralda was happy and Clopin climbed up on the pole and cheered and then had a solo!" the CSG answers, clearly confused.
"How can you SAY that? It was TERRIBLE!" Several FSMs answer, and the friendly conversation comes to a sudden end. Instantaneous fighting breaks out, the FSMs throwing torches and whipping plastic daggers out of their sleeves, and the CSGs blinding them with red powder and vanishing under brightly colored tablecloths. Occasionally a spat will break into friendly conversation again and then randomly burst into fighting once more. Before long, the torches light a large pile of red powder and a giant inferno ensues, sending all members scurrying back from whence they came.
All materials copyright Covielle 1998. Well, okay, the song that I spoofed is "America", copyright the authors of "West Side Story", used wihtout permission, yada yada, will be removed upon yada yada, etc, etc, etc...