SMART ERAP Nakapila si Erap sa likod ni FVR sa isang ATM machine. FVR: O, ba't nakangiti ka?Erap: Alam ko na PIN mo, hee, hee.FVR: Sige nga, ano? Erap: Eh 'di apat na asterisks!
	HEALTH CONCIOUS ERAP Doctor to Erap after a checkup, " From now on, you can only eat animals that could swim"One week later, the Doctor visits Erap,Doc: "Maid, where is Erap?" Maid: "Ahh, ohh, he's in the swimming pool, teaching his pig to swim".
	ERAP ON A TRIP Erap: "Lintek na ibon, dinumihan ako." Bodyguard: "Sir kukuha ako ng toilet paper." Erap: "Huwag na, di na natin mapupunasan ang pwet ng mga iyon. Malayo na ang nalipad nila.
		"ERAP ON A CONVERSATION WITH A LESBIAN Woman: "..... You know, I'm a lesbian." Erap: "Ano ba yang Lesbian?" Woman: "I love to make love to a sexy girl, undress her, kiss and embraceher" Erap: "Hu, hu, hu, he, he, he, ako rin Lesbian din ako"
			How do you confuse Erap? Put him in a round room andask him to sit in a corner.
			Reporter: "Mr. President, what can you say about sex in the movies? Erap: I am against it. Ang daming motel, bakit pa sila nagsi-sex sa sinehan?" Reporter to Erap alighting from a PAL flight: "Mr. President, what can you say about the economy?" Erap: "I don't know, kasi nasa first class ako."
			Four Philippine Presidents: >Marcos... the Martial Law president >Cory..... the EDSA president >Ramos.... the centennial president >Erap..... the millennium bug Jinggoy: Dad, ano palang tawag sa damit > pangbuntis, fraternity dress? >Erap: Tanga! Panlalake yon! Sorority dress dapat! > > >Erap: (crying) Tumawag ang doktor... Mom's > dead! >Zamora: Condolence, sir. (after 2 minutes, Zamora > hears Erap crying even louder) >Zamora: What's wrong now? >Erap: My sister just called. Her mom died too! > > >FVR: Sorry I'm late! Brownout! Na-stuck ako > for 4 hours sa elevator! >Erap: Okay lang yun! Ako 3 hours na-stuck up > sa escalator. > > > >The dictator Marcos proved that you can make > yourself rich if you become President. >The housewife Cory proved anyone can be > President. >The alcoholic Erap proves that we don't need > a President. > > >Reporter: Sir, when you were in Ateneo have > you learned about liturgy? >Erap: Aba, hindi lang liturgy! Pati litur H, I, J... > > >Q: Ilang liters meron ang Coke 2000? >Erap: Apat! Liter C, liter O, liter K, liter E! > >Cory: Ba't ba ayaw mo ng English? >Erap: Nakakalito kasi, e! >Tingnan mo... ang isda, Pis. >Ang mukha.... Pis. >Ang katahimikan.... Pis. >Sa mga subdivision may Pis 1, Pis 2, Pis 3... > > >------------------------------------------------------------------------- > --- >---- > Bakit ERAP ang nickname in ERAP? > Kasi, ERAPturuan > ERAP mag-english > ERAP maglakad > ERAP magsalita > ERAP makaintindi > ERAP paniwalaan > at ang tao, ERAP na ERAP na! > - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - > > > ERAP: Nakakahiya! > JINGGOY: Bakit Dad? > ERAP: Sabi sa invitation black tie only, > pagdating ko dun, may suot din pala > silang polo at pantalon! > - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - >- > > STANLEY HO: Mr. President, please accept this Mercedes Benz as sign > of my appreciation to you >ERAP: Sorry, I don't accept bribes >SH: I'll just sell it to you for P100 > ERAP: Okay, I'll get two! > - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - >- > > ERAP: (singing) "Mile away . . . . you're so many mile away from me >. > > >LOI: Hon, lagyan mo ng letter "s"! >ERAP: Smile away, you're so many smile away from me . . ." > - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - >- > >DOCTOR: I need your semen, urine and stool samples >ERAP: I am a bit in a hurry. Can I just leave my underwear? > > - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - >- > > JUDE: Dad, nagpa-tattoo ako > ERAP: Aba, tama 'yan! Labanan natin ang tsismis na bading ka anak! > Patingin nga ng tattoo mo? > JUDE: O, di ba Dad, maganda na ang kilay ko? > - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - > > ERAP's Wisdom: 1) if the cat is away the mouse is alone > 2) if others can don't help > 3) don't talk to strangers if your mouth is full > 4) don't count the eggs if they are not yours > - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - >- > > Sabi nga sambayanang Pilipino: > Hindi na problema ang komunismo > Di na rin problema ang imperyalismo > ang problema as si ERAP MISMO!