Written by: Stephen Katz
Directed by: Bruce Kessler
Transcribed by: Michelle Furnas
Disclaimer: I have NO claim to the characters NOR am I associated in any way to the show. The characters were created by Stephen J. Cannell and belong to him and Columbia Tristar Television Distribution.
This is a transcript of The Crystal Duck, originally aired October 2, 1983.
Opening Credits and theme play.
The episode opens on a basketball game. Mark and his team against the Judge and his team of LAPD officers.
HARDCASTLE: Foul! Foul! I'm callin' a foul here. Kenny stuck his foot out and tripped me.
KENNY: Aw, man.
MARK: Come on, Judge, maybe if you moved a little bit, you wouldn't get hit, ya know?
HARDCASTLE: Basket's no good. We take it out. Carlton, come on over guys.
MARK: (in a huddle) Let's shake these guys up, huh? They're only cops.
HARDCASTLE: (in a huddle) We're not gonna let them win. We're tied. One basket and we got it.
MARK: (in huddle) Let's get the ball back, all right?
PLAYER ONE: (on Mark's team) Okay, Chief.
HARDCASTLE: (in huddle) I'll stay back in case they try to steal it.
PLAYER ONE: (on Mark's team) You take the Judge, I'll take the Lt.. Fast break to the basket.(not sure of this last part)
The game resumes. Mark steals a pass. Hardcastle is there to block him. They scuffle over the ball. Hardcastle gets it away and throws it to a teammate who makes a basket.
MARK: Foul. I got fouled. Foul here. I got fouled. Bring the ball back.
HARDCASTLE: I never…I never
MARK: You hit me. I was shooting.
HARDCASTLE: Slice? I never sliced you.
MARK: Look I got paw prints on my shirt.
HARDCASTLE: No foul. Game is over. Good guys win. I'll give ya a lift home.
PLAYER ONE: (on Mark's team) You live with this guy?
MARK: Yeah, makes your stomach crawl don't it.
HARDCASTLE: (to his teammates after Mark and the other guys walk away)Gentlemen, one of the hardest things in life to do is learn to lose gracefully after you've been cheated.
CARLTON: That was a good gorilla steal, Judge.
Scene changes to the inside of an office. Two men are there.
MAN ONE(Quinlan): Yeah I remember you could look out a window once and see kids playing in the street, maybe a couple of trees. Huh. Now you look out, you see traffic signs, parking meters. It's like somebody put the world through our limit or something(not sure of this) I bet you're wondering why I called you in on a weekend, huh kid?
MAN TWO: No, no Mr. Quinlan, I figure you got your reasons. Look, uh, I amost started working today. I'm keeping regular hours. You're looking at a real model citizen, sir.
QUINLAN: I'm glad to hear that. Course I also heard that you're associating with a convicted felon, a two time loser.
MAN TWO(Teddy): I don't know what you're talkin' about.
QUINLAN: Delgado.
TEDDY: No, Mr. Quinlan, wait a minute, I mean I ran into the guy at a diner. We started talking. He bought me a cup of coffee. It was hello and goodbye. I swear to you that's all that went down.
QUINLAN: Oh I'd sure like to believe you, Teddy. Because coming within fifty feet of a weasel like Delgado's like jumping into a meat grinder. I mean I could violate your parole, send you back to prison.
TEDDY: No, no, no, wait a minute, Mr. Quinlan, I don't want to jeopardize my parole.
QUINLAN: You have jeopardized your parole. You know something, Ted? I got a special program of guys like you to keep from sending themselves back to the slammer. There's some friends of mine waiting downstairs right now to give you the details. See you Friday, huh? If I were you, I'd listen very carefully to what they had to say.
Teddy leaves and finds two big guys waiting for him in front of the building
THUG ONE: I'm just gonna lay it on you once so listen up. You're ticket for staying out of the joint is a thousand bucks a week cash or merchandise. Now I don't care if you rip off a bank or take it out of little old lady's purses. Just get it. You've got a week for the first net then we collect every Tuesday night.
TEDDY: You guys must be kidding.
THUG TWO: Do we look like we're kidding? We're ex-cons. We know how you think, and if you try to run, we'll find you.
Teddy tries to trip up Thug two and run, but they grab him. They shove him against the wall and beat on him. A cop car pulls up and hits its siren. The two thugs run off.
COP ONE: Hold it. Hold it.
TEDDY: Hey they got my wallet.
The first cop chases after the two guys while his partner is radioing it in. Teddy walks past the police car toward another car that pulled up across the street. The driver has crossed the street to mail something. He sees Teddy take off in his car.
MAN: Hey! Hey! Hey! (to second cop on radio) That guy stole my car!
The cop gets in his car and goes in pursuit but loses Teddy at the corner. The scene changes back to Hardcastle and McCormick after the basketball game.
HARDCASTLE: Hey, McCormick
MARK: You know, Hardcastle, I thought you knew winning is not everything.
HARDCASTLE: You're right. Losing is nothing. Hey what is this? I heard you been ordering up enough food for two people for a week. Now don't go gettin' soft on me, will ya?
MARK: What soft? I was hitting over eighty percent outside that key. You saw me. No one including you could stop my jumper. What you were watching, my man was poetry in motion.
HARDCASTLE: What did I do with that thing? (checking his pockets)
MARK: What are you looking for?
HARDCASTLE: Oh. I noticed some footprints around the tomatoes this morning. I think somebody's been prowling around casing the place.
MARK: Oh it was probably me. I was back there weeding the garden the other day.
HARDCASTLE: Yeah, well anyway, here (hands him a piece of paper) Fairwood Kennels. The guy's expecting us. I want you to stop there on the way home.
MARK: Fairwood Kennels?
HARDCASTLE: Yeah, I wanna get a couple of dogs. You know, big Dobermans. Patrol the grounds to keep anybody from comin' over the gate.
MARK: Well you don't need a dog for that. You have me.
HARDCASTLE: You're not housebroken.
MARK: Judge, you know now that you mention it, Sara told me the other day that she was allergic to animals especially dogs.
HARDCASTLE: Did she?
MARK: Yeah I know. I know. I feel as bad about it as you do. Imagine being deprived of man's best friend. But I tell you what, if you're really interested in beefing up security which I don't think you need to do, why not just go out and buy another alarm?
HARDCASTLE: Nah, I like dogs better. They're cheaper in the long run.
MARK: With dogs you gotta walk 'em, gotta get 'em their shots, gotta give 'em love and attention. I mean it's not like keeping an ex-con, ya know.
HARDCASTLE: Well, I figured you would be the one to take care of 'em.
MARK: Oh, oh, oh. Me?
HARDCASTLE: Sure. We could name one of them after you.
MARK: We don't need a dog.
HARDCASTLE: No, the boy dog could be McCormick. We get a boy dog and a girl dog.
MARK: Judge…
HARDCASTLE: And then you can breed them see…
MARK: We don't need a dog.
HARDCASTLE: And you can sell the puppies…
MARK: We don't need a dog. Why don't you just worry about your hook shot?
Change scene. Hardcastle is playing basketball at home. We see Teddy sneak onto the property. He uses a ladder to climb into the gate house.
MARK: (looking under the bed) Where are they?
TEDDY: If you find a twenty, that's mine.
MARK: I can't find my other pair of shoes, Teddy. (he looks over and sees that Teddy is wearing his shoes) Do you mind?
TEDDY: Hey, they're your shoes.
MARK: Give 'em to me.
HARDCASTLE: (off screen) Come on, kid, let's move it.
TEDDY: What, you goin' out?
MARK: Yeah, playing cards with a bunch of judges no less. They're all pals of Hardcastle's.
TEDDY: Judges, huh?
MARK: Yeah
TEDDY: Can I come?
MARK: No, you can't come.
TEDDY: Thanks for the jacket.
MARK: Listen, you gotta get your own address. I mean if your parole officer ever found out you were staying with your old cell mate, man he'd fry my butt right along with yours.
TEDDY: I'm working on it.
MARK: I know. It's been over a week, Ted. You need some money? I'll lend you some money.
TEDDY: No, I'm okay. I'm okay.
MARK: How was work?
TEDDY: Great, only I had to call in sick.
MARK: You called in sick on your first day on the job?
TEDDY: Yeah so what? It's never been done before?
MARK: Teddy!
TEDDY: I was gonna be late anyway. That's not a way to start a new career.
MARK: All right, look, here (hand him his watch) take this. Do me a favor. Don't be late anymore, all right. Ted, come on, we can't afford it.
TEDDY: Aw thanks Skid. Hey Skid, how does this grab you. PizzaWash.
MARK: What's a PizzaWash?
TEDDY: It's a combination pizza parlor and laundry mat. I mean think about it. What do people do while they're waiting for their fluff and fold? I mean they look at walls. They look out windows and they look at Cadillacs. I mean bored people and bored people eat. So we sell it by the slice. I mean think about all that loose change. We can't miss.
MARK: I got a crazy man stayin' with me.
TEDDY: Oh yeah?
MARK: A crazy man.
TEDDY: Well I ain't the one that's livin' with no judge.
MARK: Hey now wait a minute, it's not too bad. Really. Hardcastle's all right. Yeah for a donkey, he's all right.
TEDDY: Oh yeah what then you're gonna defend the guy.
MARK: No.
TEDDY: Hey Skid, it's us against them. And this Hardcastle guy, he's a them. Remember?
MARK: I remember, Ted. (Teddy starts bouncing a basketball) Teddy, no! Teddy, no! This is Hardcastle's championship ball. Believe me, we can't play with this one.
TEDDY: Excuse me.
MARK: Look it you smudged Jerry West here bouncing it.
TEDDY: Well I'll notify his next of kin.
Teddy walks over to the bookshelf and picks up a crystal duck.
MARK: Teddy, no! No! Believe me, everything here is worth a fortune.
TEDDY: So who's gonna break it? (he asks throwing it up in the air. Mark catches it.) It's probably got a quack in it anyway.
HARDCASTLE: (at the door off screen) Hey, sling your hash in gear kid.
MARK: That's Hardcastle now. Go on, get upstairs. Get upstairs and hide under the bed, all right. (as soon as Teddy's hid, Mark opens the door) Well, I guess we better get going, huh Judge?
HARDCASTLE: Yeah we better get goin'. We're goin' up to Judge Gault's house on Crescent Drive and play cards. You know what that means? That means you're lookin' at a happy man. You know why? Do you know how long I been waitin' to sit across a poker table from the Honorable Winnie K. Gault? Since 1972 when he was sittin' on the appellate court and he went and overturned me on appeal. That was only the first of six times he did that to me. Of course the man's entitled to his opinion.
MARK: You're not gonna wear that thing(pointing at Hardcastle's gun), are ya Judge?
HARDCASTLE: Sure I am. Old Henry brings me luck. Now look, these are important people see so I want you to keep a low profile. Don't go makin' any of your smart alec remarks and no hoggin' the dip, ya hear?
MARK: Right, no hoggin' the dip.
The Scene changes to the poker game. A man wearing a ski mask breaks in with a gun and robs it. Mark recognizes his watch.
ROBBER (Teddy): All right everybody, money in the sack. Wallets, rings, watches. Now. Come on, come on. Let's go, let's go. Okay, hands on the table.
The thief waves the gun around and takes off.
HARDCASTLE: Well let's get 'im.
JUDGE GUALT: God, we could have gotten killed.
HARDCASTLE: Never mind that. Call robbery.
Hardcastle and Mark go out and follow in the Coyote.
HARDCASTLE: There he goes. Man ruins my full house, steals my gun. He's got a lot to answer for. Move it. Move it. Will ya move it.
MARK: I am movin' it.
They give chase, but you can tell Mark's holding back.
HARDCASTLE: Now we're gaining on him.
Mark's forced to stop pursuit when a truck pulls out in front of him.
MARK: ( to himself) I'm gonna kill him.
The Judge looks at him. They go home.
HARDCASTLE: What bothers me is that some yoyo is walking around out there right now with my shield. On top of which he cost me the best hand I had all day.
MARK: You know I don't believe you. We almost totaled the Coyote. We both could've been killed. And all you're worried about is a piece of tin foil and a lousy hand of cards. What'd you have?
HARDCASTLE: Both. Nines over threes.
MARK: Well you saved yourself some money. You woulda lost.
HARDCASTLE: Why?
MARK: I saw Winnie's hand. He had queens over fours.
HARDCASTLE: Hold it. You mean you cheated?
MARK: Well a little. I couldn't help it. You know.
HARDCASTLE: Listen, did you happen to cheat a little back there? I mean just now. You know you came down the driveway faster than you were chasing that guy. Is your foot getting a little light, there on the gas?
MARK: You know, it's funny, Judge, but I had the impression that I mighta seen that guy once before. Now I'm not saying that I'm positive or that I know him.
HARDCASTLE: You're trying to tell me somethin'.
MARK: What me? No, no, no. It's just you know, the city's full of guys with ski masks after awhile you tend to get them confused.
HARDCASTLE: Yeah but there was something about this particular guy that kinda made him stand out.
MARK: Did I say that?
HARDCASTLE: Yes!
MARK: No, what I said was that there's was a chance that I might've bumped into him once before.
HARDCASTLE: You mean you know him.
MARK: There you go again thinkin' the worst. Here I'm tryin' to be helpful, provide you with some useful information about how he was wearin' a piece of my clothing.
HARDCASTLE: What piece of clothing?
MARK: Well, actually it was a watch.
HARDCASTLE: Your watch?
MARK: Yeah I lent it to a friend of mine.
HARDCASTLE: What friend?
MARK: Well he got out a couple weeks ago.
HARDCASTLE: Got outta what?
MARK: (backing up) Judge, let's try and maintain a proper perspective on this. I mean after all, what was taken? A little pin money, some plastic, your badge. It'll all turn up in a mailbox somewhere.
HARDCASTLE: GOT OUTTA WHAT?
MARK: Prison and he was staying with me in the gate house and his name is Teddy Hollins.
HARDCASTLE: He was what?
MARK: I know. I know on reflection it sounds like a bad move.
HARDCASTLE: Dumb move, McCormick. Dumb move.
MARK: Dumb, very dumb.
HARDCASTLE: Then you told him about that game, didn't ya?
MARK: No, not exactly. I didn't, no.
HARDCASTLE: Then what idiot did?
MARK: I'm talkin' to him. He was under the bed, Judge. But Judge look at it from the bright side. At least he didn't take the Reubens.
SARA: (running from the corner of the house yelling) Judge, it's horrible. They took the Reubens. (They go to the gatehouse) They took everything, everything.
HARDCASTLE: My autographed basketball. They took my autographed basketball!
SARA: Why they even took the crystal duck.
MARK: Aw man, I never thought Teddy would do something like this, Judge. I don't know what to say. I feel like such a dummy.
HARDCASTLE: You're suffering from a psychological condition, total brain fade, that's what. Now why? Why would he do this to me? I don't even know him.
MARK: Well it mighta been cause I called you a donkey.
HARDCASTLE: You did?
MARK: Yeah
HARDCASTLE: Well I thought we were gettin' along real good here.
MARK: Well we are, but Judge, I can't tell one con that the Judge that sent me up is a good friend of mine.
HARDCASTLE: Why not?
MARK: Well because…
HARDCASTLE: Because? I like your logic, McCormick. Sara, you make a list of everything missing then you call the police and tell them I'll fill a report out later.
SARA: Right, your honor. I'd choose my friends a little more carefully, young man.
MARK: Well I didn't exactly choose him, Sara. I mean I woke up in a jail cell one morning and he was sleeping in the next bunk. What do you want from me? Aw, she's right. She's right. Judge, I feel so bad. If there's anyway I can make this up with ya, I will.
HARDCASTLE: Oh I'll think of something. Has your buddy got a parole officer?
MARK: Yeah his name is Quinlan.
HARDCASTLE: Well maybe he can give us a lead on him.
Change scene to the Department of Corrections. Mark and the Judge exit an elevator on their way to speak to Quinlan.
HARDCASTLE: You look like an accessory.
MARK: What? I only…
HARDCASTLE: That's how it reads on paper. Look, you put Hollins up. You tell him we're playing cards. He's using your watch. Now any assistant DA fresh outta law school is gonna have you for breakfast.
MARK: Judge, would it help to say I'm innocent in this?
HARDCASTLE: That's what they all say.
MARK: I am.
They enter the office.
QUINLAN: It's nice to meet you, Judge. We don't get law and order types here very often. You know I'm a great fan of the Vargos/Barrows decision. It's a nice piece of work. Put half a dozen of my clowns back in the can. You get 'em on one end, I get 'em on the other.
HARDCASTLE: Well as long as we don't get caught in the middle, huh. We're trying to find a parolee of yours, Teddy Hollins.
QUINLAN: Hollins. Well, I'm not surprised. Guys like him never learn. Out on Monday, Tuesday they've got their hands jammed in the collection plate.
MARK: Well at least he's going to church.
HARDCASTLE: (doing the intro) This is Mark McCormick.
QUINLAN: Yeah I remember him. You're the wiseguy that got in the habit of takin' other people's cars.
MARK: I need this, Judge?
QUINLAN: So what did Teddy boy do?
MARK: We'd just like to talk to him.
HARDCASTLE: It's a possible 211. He might be showing his bad manners again.
QUINLAN: Well, I knew I'd have a problem with him. He missed his last appointment.
MARK: Well he didn't have a watch.
HARDCASTLE: Get an address on him?
QUINLAN: Yeah.
Quinlan goes to the file cabinet.
MARK: Look at this, Judge. It's a crystal duck.
HARDCASTLE: It's a goose.
MARK: It's a crystal duck.
HARDCASTLE: You collecting ducks?
QUINLAN: (back reading from file) 32D South Lincoln.
MARK: Ah, could I talk to you outside for a minute, Judge? Excuse us for a minute.
They go into the hallway.
HARDCASTLE: What? What?
MARK: That duck in there is the same one that was on the mantle in your gatehouse.
HARDCASTLE: Aw, come on, we're not talking the Mona Lisa here. There's hundreds of those things laying around.
MARK: Teddy steals a crystal duck and his parole officer just happens to have an identical one lying on his desk?
Inside the office, Quinlan is watching the two through a glass window. He makes a call.
MARK: Come on, Judge that is not a coincidence. There's something goin' down here.
HARDCASTLE: You know what I wish was lying on his desk? My basketball. Now come on, kid, you're reachin'. You can do better than that.
QUINLAN: (on phone in other room watching them talk) We may have trouble. Some judge is asking a lot of questions about Hollins. I don't like it. Find Hollins fast and get him down to the hanger.
MARK: Look, I spent two years in a cell with Teddy Hollins. I know the kid. You gotta understand him.
HARDCASTLE: I don't want to understand him. I wanna find him.
MARK: He's a dreamer. He's always coming up with one wacko scheme after another to make a million bucks. Once in the joint he came up with this idea. He started a company to print up posters. Con of the month, he even sold shares. Half the inmates were stockholders. Now you and me we see nine to five on a time clock, but Teddy, man, he sees his name on a building. Sure he's a flake, Judge, but he's a buddy and he wouldn't rip off a friend unless he had a good reason.
Hardcastle and McCormick reenter the office
QUINLAN: (still on phone) I'll see ya soon. (hangs up) (to Hardcastle) These guys can think a hundred ways to jam your calendar.
HARDCASTLE: Yeah. (Hardcastle picks up the duck)This is nice.
QUINLAN: Yeah, my secretary gave me that. I collect them.
HARDCASTLE: Okay, 32D South Lincoln. Appreciate it. Maybe we'll get lucky.
QUINLAN: I'll call you if we pick him up.
They leave.
MARK: Now what secretary in her right mind would give a guy like Quinlan an expensive piece of crystal like that?
HARDCASTLE: Maybe she liked working for him. You're shaking the wrong tree.
MARK: Well, now what do we do?
HARDCASTLE: We find out if this address he gave us is right.
MARK: That's a dead end, Judge. He moved out a week ago. He was thrown out.
Change scene to the address.
HARDCASTLE: (comes out of building) Well the room's around the back and he's paid up 'til the end of the month.
MARK: Well he wouldn't have lied to me, Judge unless he was in trouble.
HARDCASTLE: Oh not a guy like Teddy.
MARK: I don't understand this.
They walk around back and find the two thugs that worked over Teddy in the beginning.
HARDCASTLE: Hey, you friends of Teddy Hollins?
The two thugs pull out guns and shoot at Hardcastle and McCormick. They shoot out the tire on Hardcastle's car. He returns fire.
HARDCASTLE: Come on McCormick.
MARK: Judge, Judge, he hit the tire. It's flat.
A cop car pulls up.
HARDCASTLE: Hey! Hey! There! There!
COP: Drop it. Ah Judge.
HARDCASTLE: Yes!
COP: We heard gunfire.
HARDCASTLE: Get out an all points on a yellow sedan, 527 young, edward, paul.
COP: Uh Judge, it just came over the wire. There's a warrant out to arrest McCormick here under 211.
MARK: What?
HARDCASTLE: Who issued the warrant?
COP: Judge Gualt.
HARDCASTLE: Gualt?
COP: I've gotta take him in, Judge.
MARK: What? Judge! Hey Judge, I really don't wann go back inside. You understand?
HARDCASTLE: I'll get it cleared up.
MARK: Good.
HARDCASTLE: If I can.
MARK: What do you mean if you can? Look you gotta do this. This is serious now. Come on, Judge. Judge, listen I'm out on a pass. I go back inside, I'm back in for a long time. Can't you pull some strings.
HARDCASTLE: I don't pull strings, kid.
MARK: You don't…
HARDCASTLE: Don't worry. I'll do everything I can. I'll get you out.
MARK: Judge…Judge…
HARDCASTLE: Don't worry.
Change scene to Hardcastle pulling up in front of Gualt's house.
HARDCASTLE: Ah, it looks real good. (referring to Gualt cleaning his car)
GUALT: Ah let me try to guess why you're here, Milt. "Skid" Mark McCormick.
HARDCASTLE: Right. Now listen Winnie, one old war horse to the other, why don't you just let the kid go in my custody.
GUALT: He was already in your custody.
HARDCASTLE: Yeah but he didn't have anything to do with robbin' that game.
GUALT: I had the crime lab here this morning dusting the place. They came up with a set of latents off the door and the computer popped up with a name, a parolee, uh Teddy Hollins.
HARDCASTLE: You know computers. They get their wires crossed spit out all kinds of stuff.
GUALT: I got the whole package. Names of associates, prison records, everything, and you know what name came up? Your boy, McCormick. Yesterday's big winner just happens to be the former cellmate of this Hollins. I figure they set up this whole thing together. McCormick bird-dogged the game, his pal shows and we get cleaned. I say your friend is in a lot of trouble, Milt.
HARDCASTLE: Well, you don't have to tell me how bad it looks, but I'm tellin' you that he didn't have nothing to do with it. Now Hollins saw a way to score and left the kid to hang solo.
GUALT: You're getting soft, Milt. All right, if you're so sure McCormick didn't do this, I'll tell you what I'll do. The arraignment's a day after tomorrow. You show me I was wrong about McCormick before then, he walks. After that, I'll throw the book at him.
Change scene to the airport. Quinlan is there and his two thugs show up.
QUINLAN: Hey, come here. That crystal duck you guys gave me came from the Hardcastle heist. What are you tryin' to do bring the cops down on me?
THUG TWO: You collect those things. I just brought it over.
QUINLAN: The cops pick up Hollins, we all go down.
THUG ONE: I don't think a guy like you would do real good in the joint, Mr. Quinlan.
QUINLAN: Nobody's going to the joint.
Change scene to the jail. The prisoners are being let out for their exercise time.
MARK: (to another prisoner) Hey, uh, you don't happen to know a parole officer named Quinlan? (the guy walks away so he asks another prisoner and gets the same response. He goes and sits down and the guy next to him opens up.
PRISONER: You buyin' or sellin' brother?
MARK: Neither. I'm trying to find someone in here who might know a P.O. named Quinlan.
PRISONER: See that guy over there (indicates a very large prisoner lifting weights)?
MARK: Him?
PRISONER: That's Waldo. Now Waldo, he don't like to be disturbed you know what I mean, but he knows Quinlan.
MARK: That's all right, I'm good with people. Thanks.
Mark goes over to talk to Waldo.
MARK: Hi, my name's Mark McCormick. Listen, I was told you might be able to help me out. Now a friend of mine's in a little bit of trouble. Which is to say which one of us in here isn't in a little bit of trouble I know, Waldo, right. Can I call you Waldo?
WALDO: Grrrrrrr
MARK: Waldo, I was told you know a P.O., parole officer named Quinlan…
Waldo tosses the weight at McCormick and proceeds to try to strangle him. The guards pull him off. The prisoner who sent him to Waldo approaches him again.
PRISONER: You okay?
MARK: That guy tried to kill me, you idiot.
PRISONER: You said you wanted someone who knew Quinlan. If you wanted to talk about Quinlan, that's another story. You shoulda asked me. I'm back in her because I wouldn't steal TV sets for that bum, Quinlan. Yeah
Change scene to Gulls Way.
HARDCASTLE: I already did everything. There's no way I can get that warrant rescinded.
SARA: Your honor, the boy wouldn't steal from you.
HARDCASTLE: Oh I know that.
A beeping noise is heard and a light blinks on the alarm.
SARA: It's the gatehouse again, Your Honor.
Hardcastle looks out the window and sees a flashlight beam in the window of the gatehouse. He grabs his shotgun and heads over. He enters and flips on the light.
HARDCASTLE: There's not much left to steal.
TEDDY: I don't believe in violence.
HARDCASTLE: Well I'm glad to hear that.
TEDDY: You must be Hardcase?
HARDCASTLE: Castle…Castle.
TEDDY: For a second there I thought you were a burglar.
HARDCASTLE: Oh that's cute.
TEDDY: You know I knew this was gonna happen. I said to myself, Teddy you go back to that gatehouse, you're life's gonna change. Is that thing loaded?
HARDCASTLE: I hope we don't have to find out. What did you come back for?
TEDDY: I don't know. I figured I owed Skid an explanation. It's a pleasure meetin' you, Judge. Skid's told me so much about you about how you've inspired him.
HARDCASTLE: Did he?
TEDDY: Yes and just looking at you I know what he means.
HARDCASTLE: That's nice. Now you wanna tell me why he's in the county cooker payin' your tab?
TEDDY: What? No look Judge, I didn't mean for that to happen. Look, Skid's my friend.
HARDCASTLE: You got a funny way of showing it.
TEDDY: Yeah well sometimes you gotta do what you don't want to but I'll do whatever I have to to get him out, okay? I'll cop to rippin' off your card game, cleanin' out this place. You want a confession? I'll sign it in triplicate.
HARDCASTLE: Now McCormick is chewing on some kind of bone that maybe Quinlan's got something to do with this.
TEDDY: I don't know what he's talking about.
HARDCASTLE: Well he says you wouldn't rip off a friend unless you had good reason. You wanna tell me the reason?
TEDDY: I'm a thief, Judge. I see a way to score I take it so let's stop playin' twenty questions.
HARDCASTLE: Okay, I'm gonna take you to Judge Gualt, you're gonna take a lie detector test and you're gonna spring McCormick outta the can for me and then you're gonna tell me what you did with my basketball.
TEDDY: A lie detector test. Judge what are you kidding me? That stuff only works in the movies. Anyway I'm never gonna pass. Doctors they say I'm pathological.
HARDCASTLE: We'll see.
Change scene. A squad car pulls up dropping Mark off at Gulls Way.
TEDDY: Did the kid deliver or did the kid deliver? You see, Judge, I knew that lie detector would get him out.
MARK: I knew you'd get me out. I just didn't think you'd get me in.
TEDDY: Aw come on, ancient history. Look put that behind you. We're gonna go down to Australia. We're gonna import used microwaves. I hear they're very big down there.
MARK: You wanna tell me about Quinlan?
TEDDY: Oh Judge, I'm workin' on getting your basketball back. I got a call into the guy that's got it.
MARK: Teddy, will you grow up? This isn't a PizzaWash franchise we're talking about here. We're talkin' about your life. You go back inside, you're a three time loser, man. You and me and the Judge. We can do it.
TEDDY: Judge, will you excuse us for a minute. Hey look Skid, I want to get this Quinlan more than anybody, but this guy Hardcastle, can he do it? Cause if he goes after Quinlan and it don't stick, your burnin' me. I go back to the can, I'm a dead man. Quinlan's got the connections he can see to that.
MARK: Let me tell you something, Teddy. I trust that man. Now if that Lone Ranger over there says that he's gonna get Quinlan. That's not a place bet. You puttin' your money down to win.
TEDDY: I hope you know what you're talkin' about. Judge, you know what you're doin?
HARDCASTLE: First thing we're gonna do is get Quinlan to make a dumb move which is gonna be easy because he's very nervous with you running around.
TEDDY: He's got a remedy for that. It comes out of a 38. It's called death.
Change scene. They enter the house and Teddy calls Quinlan.
QUINLAN: Hey Teddy, you had me worried. I figured the cops had picked you up.
TEDDY: You gotta get me outta here. This guy, Hardcastle, he's got half the cops in the city lookin' for me.
QUINLAN: Yeah that was pretty stupid. You rippin' him off like that.
TEDDY: Hey, your friends were the ones were climbing all over me. You got me into this. You're gonna get me out.
QUINLAN: Now what is that supposed to mean?
TEDDY: What it means is twenty five thousand dollars cash. All right? If I don't get it, I'm going to the papers, then the DA. I yell hard enough, somebody's gonna pay attention.
QUINLAN: I don't like threats, Teddy. You need the money, I'll get it for you. Be best for both of us if you go away for awhile but you can't come here. There's an old building I sometimes use. Hanger B near the south end of the airport.
TEDDY: Yeah, I'll find it.
QUINLAN: I'll see you there in two hours. I'll bring the money.
Both hang up and Quinlan addresses his thugs.
QUINLAN: I think it's time we ended Mr. Hollin's parole permanently.
Change scene to the airport hanger.
TEDDY: (talking into a wire to Hardcastle and Mark in a car)Anybody wanna buy some used radios? It's really creepy in here fellows. All right now listen, you guys are the badges. You're gonna take care of the bad guys, right? Me I'm just a spectator. Hey Judge, you ever think of investing in a PizzaWash. I could see it now. The Hardcastle Supreme--thick, crisp crust smothered in the finest imported Mozerella cheese and tomato sauce with seven toppings, I mean count 'em seven mouth watering ingredients.
HARDCASTLE: ( to Mark)He's givin' me heartburn.
TEDDY: We got company. (to Quinlan) Did you bring the money?
QUINLAN: You've become a complication, Teddy. See I can't have you running around making threats. It's bad for morale. We're all going for a little drive.
TEDDY: Oh wait a minute, wait these guys don't need their guns. Mr. Quinlan, look forget about the money. It was a bad idea anyway.
MARK: (to Judge) Let's go.
HARDCASTLE: (into radio) All units move in.
TEDDY: Please, let me walk out of here. Mr. Quinlan we can work this out.
QUINLAN: It's too late, Teddy.
THUG TWO: (searches him) He's wired.
Quinlan hits Teddy. He runs out and jumps into a car. His thugs run straight into the police. Cop cars roll in followed by Mark and the Judge who stop to check on Teddy.
MARK: You all right?
TEDDY: Yeah, go get Quinlan.
Mark and the Judge take off after Quinlan down the runway. Finally Mark makes a jump and cuts Quinlan off causing him to roll his car. He jumps out and they pursue him on foot through a bunch of broken down buses. Quinlan has a gun, but so does the Judge. Quinlan gets the jump on Mark.
QUINLAN: You're gettin' me outta here.
The Judge takes aim and shoots the gun out of his hand. Mark delivers the final blow.
HARDCASTLE: You outta soak that (meaning Mark's fist) in some ice water.
MARK: That's quite a shot, Judge.
HARDCASTLE: You ain't seen nothing yet.
Hardcastle spins his gun in a spectacular display…until he drops it. It goes off blowing one of the tires off one of the busses.
Change scene to Gulls Way. Mark's cleaning the pool. Hardcastle is lounging.
HARDCASTLE: Hey your buddy's due back from his job interview. I'm gonna get a little nervous if he's late.
MARK: Not to mention the fact that you let him borrow your car. You know you're gonna ruin your reputation you keep on bein' a nice guy.
HARDCASTLE: I was always a nice guy, McCormick. It's just a little hard for you to appreciate that when you're behind bars. (hear Mark's laughter) What kind of job's he up for?
MARK: International liason for a Texas oil firm. You get your own jet, your own apartment in Monaco and a quarter million dollars in an expense account. It was either that or the bus boy job down at Jack's.
HARDCASTLE: I'd say Teddy needs a couple lessons in reality perception. You gotta start at the bottom if your gonna go to the top. You know all about that, don'tcha?
MARK: Yeah, don't remind me.
We see Teddy pull up in Hardcastle's car. He's carrying a basketball which he pulls out a marker and writes on.
HARDCASTLE: Back on time. How'd it go?
TEDDY: Fantastic except the guy kept asking if I minded if my secretary didn't speak fluent French, and I told him if he didn't, the deal was off.
MARK: How'd the interview with Jack go?
TEDDY: Oh, I start the dinner shift Friday night. Hey Judge, I got something for ya. (He throws the basketball to the Judge.)
HARDCASTLE: Hey Teddy, thanks. Aw this means a lot to me. I got this the year the Lakers won the champion…
TEDDY: What the matter?
HARDCASTLE: It's Wilt Chamberlein, Teddy. Richard Chamberlein played Dr. Kildare.
TEDDY: Oh.
MARK: Nice try, Ted.
Hardcastle throws the ball back at him.
End credits roll. End of episode.
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