Rating: G
Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction for entertainment purposes only. The characters and concepts of Hardcastle & McCormick do not belong to me, but to their creators. Neither do I possess any rights to the song, "Wherever You Will Go", used here as recorded by The Calling.
A/N: Well, I had intended to take a break, and devote a minute or two to RL. But I was driving home from work the other day and heard this song and immediately thought of the episode "Do Not Go Gentle". Hardcastle's voice wouldn't leave my head, so I thought I'd better let him speak...
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WHEREVER YOU WILL GO
by Cheri deFonteny
"I'm coming apart at the seams here." That's what McCormick said as he sat across the table from me, clearly not really knowing what to say. Of course, he eventually figured it out; he always does. Never known anyone who can run their mouth like that kid.
We talked a long time after we got home from dinner, and it was nice. Too bad it took a death sentence hanging over me for us to finally say some of those things, but that's the way it's always been for us. We're both pretty bad about holding things inside. Even tonight, even with everything that's happening, even though we talked for hours, there was still a lot left unsaid.
One of the things I still didn't tell him is how worried I am about him. Oh, sure, we talked about the practical aspects of surviving-and the kid still insists he doesn't want my money-but we didn't really talk about how he's gonna handle it when I'm gone. Mark's been left alone so many times in his life, and I hate that I'm gonna do it to him again...
So lately, I've been wonderin
Who will be there to take my place
When I'm gone, you'll need love
To light the shadows on your face
If a great wave should fall
It would fall upon us all
And between the sand and stone
Could you make it on your own
Of course, he's strong-stronger than me in a lot of ways. And, I meant it when I told him he was squared away now; it's been a long time since I've really needed to do any "rehabilitating" with him. But still, I've had some experience at being left alone myself, and it's hard. And even though he has plenty of friends, he will be alone. We don't even pretend not to care any more, though right now I wonder if it might not have been better if he'd kept hating me. I remember how sad he looked when I finally kicked him out and made him go to bed tonight...like he was afraid he might never see me again. I wish I didn't have to leave him so soon...
If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go
We talked quite a bit about Nancy tonight, probably more than we ever have since I've known him. Only natural, I guess. But I was still caught off guard when Mark said something about me being reunited with her; sometimes his Irish Catholic roots jump out and surprise me.
As for me, I've never really considered myself a particularly spiritual person, but I have lived my life these past thirteen years sort of quietly assuming that I would see my wife again someday, and I have found some peace in that belief. And I have found comfort in our home; in spending time in the places she loved, remembering the times that we shared. Once or twice, I even allowed myself to believe that she was with me, though that's not something I could tell anyone. But maybe I could find a way to bring that sort of comfort to McCormick...
And maybe, I'll find out
The way to make it back someday
To watch you, to guide you
Through the darkest of your days
If a great wave should fall
It would fall upon us all
Well I hope there's someone out there
Who can bring me back to you
If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go
I just wish I didn't have to leave him so soon, when there is still so much left to do, so much left to say. Maybe I shouldn't even have sent him away tonight. But he was exhausted, so I told him I'd see him in the morning and made him go. Someone has to watch out for the kid...
Runaway with my heart
Runaway with my hope
Runaway with my love
"See you in the morning." That was kind of a lame thing to say after all the talking that went on tonight. What I should've said was that we'd get through this just like we've gotten through everything else that's come our way in the last few years-together. Should've told him that I'd be with him forever, no matter what. I should've told him that he is my legacy now...
I know now, just quite how
My life and love might still go on
In your heart and your mind
I'll stay with you for all of time
Yeah, there was a lot of talking tonight, but there's still a lot left to be said. Thank God there's still time. Not much, maybe, but there's time. And McCormick was right when he told me to take advantage of every minute left to me. He might be surprised by some of it, but there's things I need him to know...
If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go
If I could turn back time
I'll go wherever you will go
If I could make you mine
I'll go wherever you will go
God, I wish I didn't have to leave him so soon.
***THE END***
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