The House Skit

• John-Robert
• Robber-Jimi
• Sheriff Jack Wimbeldon-David
  (The scene is taking place in a very big urban area, John a new resident has just settled in, and decides to meet his neighbor. Little does he know, his neighbor is being robbed by some poor, dirty, helpless, nobody, good for nothing piece of monkey... well I think you get the picture. Anyway, he doesn't know what his neighbor looks like so he assumes that the robber is his neighbor. You would probably do the same right?)
  • John: 'ello there, I don't think we've met, my name is John, and I'm your new neighbor.
  • Robber: Um...'ello (breaking into the house while talking)
  • John: So tell me how long have you been living here?
  • Robber: What are you talking abou...Um...ten to twenty years. Maybe, I think...
  • John: Well, thats quite a long time, I expect that you know this town very well then, don't you?
  • Robber: Yes, Yes, like the back of my hand.
  • John: Well, apparently better than you know your own house, eh?
  • (Still breaking into the house.)
  • Robber: Yeah, right, well, whatever. Do you mind handing me that crowbar?
  • John: Well, you know I can tell a lot about a certian person by his or her own home and judging by yours, you're a very decent, honest and civil minded person.
  • Robber: Oh, really?
  • John: So, do you enjoy home improvement projects?
  • Robber: Home Improvement projects, what the hell are you talking about?
  • John: Like, um, painting the shed or som...
  • Robber: Yes, yes, hand me that hammer will you?
  • John: Yes, sure...So you like cars?
  • (There are sounds of a car pulling in to a very long driveway.)
  • Robber: Shut up!
  • John: Say, who's that in your driveway, is that your wife, maybe one of the teens coming home late eh?
  • Robber: Yes, thats my wife. Got to go.
  • John: (Yelling) Wait a second, I didn't catch your name?
  • Robber: (Yelling as he runs away) It's John!
  • John: (Talking to himself) Well isn't that strange that we have the same name and that we're neighbors.
  • (The car finaly reaches the house)
  • John: (Talking to himself) Wait, it look's like a man, I mean he has a beatiful wife.
  • (The man steps out of his car. The man was wearing a sheriffs badge on his left shoulder, so logically he would be a Sheriff, which he is.)
  • Sheriff: Who are you? What are you doing to my house? My door! Alright young man, were you trying to break in to my house?
  • John: Your house? This is John's house.
  • Sheriff: Who are you?
  • John: I'm John!
  • Sheriff: So, you think this is your house?, you stupid shit!
  • John: What are you talking about?, this is John's house.
  • Sheriff: Your a schizophrenic luney!!
  • John: No, currently not at the time.
  • Sheriff: Sheriff Jack Wimbeldon's the name and I'm taking you to the station.
  • John: No, Stop! You can't do this.
  • Sheriff: I'm the sheriff I can do anything!
  • John: But what did I do?
  • Sheriff: Breaking and entering. (reads him his rights while taking him to his car. Once they get in to the car they pull off down the road, but then the original robber runs up to the door, pops the door open by turning the knob then dashes off with a piggy bank, that probably holds all of about three cents.)

    This skit is from the movieStairway to Upstairs.

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