Who ever thought Manila's pretentious crowd of Feelings, wannabes, and social climbers could be more colorful than a POLO SPORT emblazoned on a shirt?

    They're everywhere now, driving their Honda Civic VTECs, declaring to the world that Tower Records is their favorite music store, and even if they're a decade late, still aspiring to be called, of all things, YUPPIE.

    They're a force to be reckoned with, a broad-reaching market. San Miguel Beer, for example, changed their image from the people's beer of choice to the new monicker SMB. There was nothing wrong with the old concept, except maybe for one commercial where Fernando Poe Jr. gazed longingly at the eyes of a deer, then ate it as pulutan with his friends. But the powers-that-be just had to create SMB for the city's great pretenders or YAP (young affluent pretender), by creating characters, which epitomize this new lucrative breed. For example, there's a woman who's 'Single By Choice' and a 'Net Warrior,' if there ever was a thing, whose favorite food is cold pizza and SMB.

    YAPs are a marketer's wet dream since they'll lap up everything, buy anything, do what it takes as long everybody else does. They're image-driven,caring deeply about belonging,being called something, which they strive madly for: 'IN.' Globe, one of the more visible defenders of YAPs, loved this market so much that they created GenText, an 'exlcusive' club for, of all people, texters.

    If you're a YAP, then Makati would be your Mecca. You can dress up in your best designer outfits, splash on the latest cologne or perfume, and go to Starbucks 6750 where, after ordering your favorite frapuccino, you can hang out on the outdoor tables and text your friends about the Y2K bug. Or if you're feeling more upbeat, head for the nearest Strumm's where you and your buddies can drink, dance, and scream in ecstasy when the band plays Horny. If you want other people to see you, and for you to see other people, then go to bars like those along the frontage of Glorietta 4 (your favorite mall); Venezia, which still plays Love is Contagious; and, Giraffe, where spelling out the letters YMCA with your arms is so IN. But if you call yourself a 'Raver' just because you love to be seen going to raves (a late 80's phenomenon), then your best bet would be to head out to The FORT, and single out the latest bastion of high pretense, Fat Willy's. If you're lucky, you might even catch a highly-publicized, heavily-commercialized Lucky Strike-sponsored 'underground' event with 'international' DJ Manolet Dario. If you're really lucky, DJ Mano might just play Madonna's Ray of Light techno version. And if you're totally blessed, you could bump into Tim Yap and come out in his 2BU column in the Philippine Daily Inquirer.

    Congratulations, you're now a full-pledged Yaparazzi!

    Are you happy? See, the point is you don't have to be a YAP. You don't have to be seen dining in Stars, hanging out at Robin da Rosa's Sambo's with his showbiz crowd, or going down to the penultimate depths of pretention: taking Ecstasy and Special K in ABGs (drugs are not good for you, you know). You're much, much better than who Globe and MTV will ever describe you to be. So when looking for a good time, forget about everything commercials tell you. It's okay to take the bus, buy second hand clothes, and hang out in places, which pride themselves in having no dress codes.

Forget about the class thing, nobody needs it. Just do whatever it is you feel like doing, wear anything you feel like wearing, evolve into whoever it is you're being. And remember, you don't have to be called anything but your name, to belong to any clique but your own circle of close and trusted friends, or to be anybody but yourself.

Anonymus

Submitted by Rolo, December 19, 1999