*~questioning the sky~*
questions of why and how
you seem to see the answers
before i ever seem to
the truth can be so confusing
like trying to trace a spider web
or the path of a heart
wondering and pondering
will i ever know anything at all
i search and scrape and roll around
in everything that has come before
mix it up with desire and dreams
and try to find who i really am
everyone see's what they want to see
sweetness and goodness
anger and hurt
wounds and wishings
but they don't really see me
even the mirror lies
and laughs and cries and screams
so where do i begin
and where do i end this questioning
do i need the answers to survive
do i have to see the path
in order to walk away
what if all the answers were here all along
but i kept closing my eyes
and asking questions
to everyone but me
*~pretending~*
did i pretend all of this
did i make it all up
did i lose myself in all that you are
or all that i wanted you to be
did you ever exist
you say i'm a good memory
one of your best
you say that seeing me was amazing
did i tell you it was heartbreaking for me
that i built you up into everything
i ever wanted
to be
did i pretend to love you
did i pretend to let you go
did i let go
or are you still the one i long for
even today
you say that she would mind
if we were friends
you say that we could never be just friends
did i tell you that i wanted more then that myself
that i want to be her
and to run
from me
*~ages~*
when am i old enough
to know better
to answer politely
to say no
to love
to leave
is there really just one time when your allowed to
grow
change
develop
learn
fuck up
why do i feel so young
at this age
at this time
at this point in my life
i knew more about life at six than sixteen
i knew more about play at thirty than three
but i still don't know who i am
what age will i be when i know