*~where to go~*
you saddle up to the local five and dime and drop your wrinkled up costs on the counter
trading earnings for a quick fix of caffeine
you notice that your heart is beating erratically
low on octane or lack of love, who can really say
you stare into the neon sign above and awed by the strain
you feel like you blink in that blinding way all too often
opening and closing to the we around you
you know you never feel the belonging
blankets and arms are only passing constraints
nothing really holds you for long
your step quickens and you shiver
the night could be rich with mystery if you let it, but you are so tired now
you are at an uncharacteristic loss for words
you sip your bitter fluid of strength and wait for the familiar kick
there it is. slap!  right in the soul
you slide into the faux leather of your borrowed charriot and turn the key
"where to" the clinking seems to query
where to? wouldn't you like to know
you long to rush headfirst to his suite
the one he always ran to
even though you know he's long gone
maybe if you tore apart the bed sheets or lay face down on the floor
you could find his scent, you could breathe him in
remnants of him, something to grasp onto
but you drive on
you know some momentary recollection will never truly satisfy
loss is a lonely tune played too loud on some rickety old jukebox in a bar with no name
you remember the night there
you spun out faster than the turntable could belt out the songs
you slammed right into the piano and laughed hoarsely and strong
you used to play piano
you used to do a lot of things
you are used by all the bloody "used to's"
you can barely stand the way they bombard your thoughts and beat you down to a nasty pulp
you don't even drink orange juice, but you can taste the sting now
blistering
you swallow it away, your good at swallowing
you swallow the pain and grimace a smile in the rearview mirror
"smile pretty girl and don't tell a soul"
you hit the gas and you hit the brakes
you swerve and then regain control in front of the yukon gas and serve
your car is in need of a quick fix, too
coffee and gas, you and your wheels
they are all much the same
all needing to be drunk and given direction
where to go
you see the neon sign again
on. off. open. close. blinking
where to go