New Student Arrives at Flatpoint
Studies show that new students' behavioral patterns tend to be unpredictable and past attempts at introduction Los Estudientes Nuevos (Lowse Es-too-dee-en-tay New-Weh-Vose) into a healthy asademic envior,ent have been precarious at best.
In 73% of the cases of the new students reacted with irrational anger when presented with the standard policy of hazing that commonly occurs during their introduction into the new enviorment. Of the teacher's polled , 93%, agreed that new students forced them to interrupt their lessons in order to introduce them to the class and arrange seating.
"If it were up to me I'd cover these new students with Styrofoam peanuts, box them up, and ship them the hell out of here!! says Principal Blackman. "The Board of Ed should be ashamed of themselves! The fragile disgestive system of our proud institution can only react with nausa, and dare I say the Hershey squirts in attempting to swallow this dirty pill they call transfer students."
The duration of this new student's stay is still unascertained, but Flatpoint staff members are advising students to avoid any and all interaction with "Ricky" to decreases the chances of contracting any diseases, bad reputations, or new ideas.
A source only identified as " A jealous Filipino snitch" reports that 46 year old Jerri Blank may be associating with the new student. The same source adds that this relationship may be dangerously close to consummation, rasing the hackles of many Flatpoint students.
"She's a troll!! What do you expect?" says Derrick Blank, Jerri's half-brother. "All I can say, is her and that new student are both lucky I'm being interviewed right now or I would give the both of them a serious beatdown."
When approached regarding this viscous rummor, Jerri reacted with shock, "Me, with the new student? Never! I mean...c'mon, he's new! Look, I'll prove it to you..." Jerri then proceeded to lead us into the parking lot to witness her slashing the new students tire.
Whatever the truth may be, we can be sure that the name "Ricky" will be on the tip of everybody's tongue and at the top of teacher's detention lists for the weeks to come.
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