We hear a horse approaching. Through the midst appears a very old knight, with long with hair and a long beard which has not been groomed for ages. His clothes are torn and he is very tired. Following him is his servant, who bangs two half coconuts together.
The Old Knight gasps, trying to catch his breath. Finally he can speak.
Old Knight: It’s…
The Knights Sailing Across the Sea
Cue "King Arthur’s theme"
Okay, stop that now.
Narrator: The amazing adventures of King Arthur have been retold from generation to generation and throughout the ages. Yet, many of his travels as he searched for the Holy Grail remained unknown to us. Recent discoveries have proven that there are countless of adventures that were never revealed. Now since we have stole them, we bring you… "The Knigts Sailing Across the Sea". Very lovely written, I might add.
The knights are sailing across the sea.
Robin: (to Arthur) Sir, we are out of supplies.
Arthur: And we have many days of sea ahead of us.
Lancelot: Let’s eat the servants!!!
Bedevere: Oh shit!!!
Arthur: What? It’s not a bad idea…
Bedevere: No, no, no. Oh shit!!!
Arthur: You mean a ship?
Bedevere: Oh, yes! A ship!
Lancelot: Well, then let us eat them instead!
Robin: Why don’t we look for their supplies first?
Lancelot: Well, I suppose we could do that, too…
Arthur: Okay, it’s decided then.
Arthur’s ship is side to side with the other one. Strangely, nobody can be seen aboard the other ship.
Arthur: I am Arthur from the castle of Camelot. King of all Britons and sovereign of all England! Surrender your supplies to us!
There is no answer. How can there be a ship all alone with no one on board? Suddenly, a man appears.
French Guy: No, you English bastard! We will do no such thing, you ninnies! You smell like rotten fish from last month!
Arthur: WHAT??? You dare to insult me???
French guy: Oh? Are you going to cry? Your mother was uglier Captain Black beard and even she was braver than you are, you sissy!!!
Arthur: Sissy??? I am Arthur, King of the Brit---
French guy: You are the Royal Highness of all sissies traveling in the royal latrine across the sea!
Arthur: That’s it! CHAAAAAARGE!
Cannons are fired at Athur’s ship destroying most of it.
Arthur: Sail away! Sail away!
They escape.
Narrator: Arthur could not defeat the mean French Guy. Therefore he and his men desperately hoped that they would find someone who could share their supplies with them. One day, Lancelot ate a servant and the others followed. There was much rejoicing. But even servants don’t last forever…
Robin: (to Arthur) We are still starving, sir.
Lancelot: And we are out of servants. Not to mention there’s no one to row the boat for the sail was lost in battle.
Arthur: (praying on his knees with his sword close to his face) Lord, we need thy help in this our most desperate time…
Bedevere: Oooooooh!
Lancelot: What?
Bedevere: Ooooooooooh! as in surprise.
Lancelot: You mean "Ahhhhhhhh!"
Bedevere: Oh, right: Aaaaaaaah!
Robin screams like a woman.
A cartoon of a sea serpent comes out of the water.
INTERMISSION…….
Narrator: While you were away the most interesting thing happened. King Arthur and his Knights managed to defeat the great beast of the seas. Therefore, they were able to use its skin and bones to repair the ship and were hungry no more for they ate the monster.
Lancelot: How much farther, sir?
Arthur: I don’t know, dear friend.
Lancelot: And what do we do once we get there?
Arthur: The Lord shall guide us to the right path.
Bedevere: A goat!
Lancelot: (drawing his sword) Where? Where???
Arthur: (breathing deeply) Do you, by any chance, mean a boat, Sir Bedevere?
Bedevere: Yes, yes: a boat.
Lancelot: (placing back the sword) Oh bloody hell.
Arthur: Take us close to the boat. and, Robin, you replace Bedevere up there in the watching tower. (whispering) He is getting pretty annoying.
Indeed there is a small boat just floating there with a very old man inside.
Arthur: Old man, what are you doing in such a small boat in this great sea.
The old man laughs.
Arthur: Where do you come from?
The old man laughs.
Arthur: Answer please.
The old man laughs.
Arthur: Oh bloody---
Old Man: I come from the Island of Bones.
Arthur: That is also our destination. How far is it? He have traveled for five months.
Lancelot: Three, sir.
Arthur: Three months.
Old Man: You will arrive soon…very soon.
The Old Man vanishes.
Robin: Oh, dear Lord! Where did he go???
Arthur: No matter. We are close to Bone Island.
A day later…
Robin: Land !! LAND!!!!!
Arthur: At last. Prepare to disembark.
The Knights go down a rope ladder at the side of the ship. They are all very anxious to touch ground. Arthur goes first, but everyone wants to be second.
Arthur: One at a time…ONE AT A TI---AAAAAAHH!!!!
King Arthur and the Knights fall helplessly in to the sea.
Narrator: King Arthur and all the Kingths were soaking wet, so they did what any honorable Knight would do in such dreadful situation. They took off their clothes and wore nothing but their helmets and their Medieval boxers.
Arthur: This is what happens when you don’t listen to me!
Robin: Sir, bones!!!
Arthur: What did you expect to see in the Island of Bones, Sir Robin?
Robin: Oh, yeah.
Lancelot: Sir I found a clue.
They all go and look. There was a sign made that pointed to three different places.
Pointing to the left:
CAVERN OF THE TERRIBLE GHOST
DEATH PIT
Then, pointing to the right.
ARTHUR GO THIS WAY
Robin: So where should we go?
The rest look at him, and then go right leaving Robin behind.
Robin: Oh, right! He he. But shouldn’t we put on our clothes first?
Silently, they come back and put on their clothes.
Narrator: And so, King Arthur and his loyal Knights went on their way to seek for the Holy Grail. Who was that strange old man? Where their clothes dry when they put them back again? Just were was Sir Gallahad throughout the story??? All this questions may or may not be answered next time. Until then, this is the Narrator saying good-bye for now.
The Old Knight lies face down on the dirt. His servant pushes him with his foot and he wakes up. He slowly rises and begins his way back into the forest, followed by his servant who bangs to half coconuts together. We see the old knight until he disappears in the distance.
To be continued… hopefully….