The Incredible Experiment: More Silly Stuff
BySqueaky
Penny and the prospect sit on the couch at the L&S set and do a little scene as Shirley for their audition.
***Mary Katherine Gallagher***
Penny: “I don’t know what to do, Shirl. I’ve tried everything. How can I get him to like me?”
M. K. : (hands stuck on her armpits) Gee well um… you could send him flowers… or uh… a copy of Harry Potter with a little pink ribbon on the side…
Penny: Wait, wait, lets stop for a second here. (disgusted)Your hands. They’re…
M.K: Sometimes I like to put my hands under my arms and then smell ‘em like this…
Penny: (yelling)Oh now that’s just gross! Let’s get this audition over with! Where do they get this people???
M.K.: Okay, you’re screaming at me. I would like to express my feelings in a monologue by M. D. Prezt called “You”
She rises and faces where there would be an audience.
M.K.: (overly dramatic) Daddy, daddy please I didn’t mean to! This is just the way I am. I cannot help it! You made me this way with your screams and your anger, and your indefference! It was you, you, you YOUUUU!!!!!
Mary Katherine jumps backward and breaks the kitchen counter.
Penny: Next!
***Martha Stewart***
Penny: “I don’t know what to do, Shirl. I’ve tried everything. How can I get him to like me?”
Martha: This is a very lovely pattern.
Penny: (confused) What?
Martha: Your sofa. It has a very beautiful flowery pattern. It is a little worn, though. From 1946 perhaps? You can take that juice stain off with a homemade paste made of cinnamon and hair grease
Penny: Huh? Could we just---?
Martha: You have a very beautiful space here (goes to the window) but what you should do is move this radio to the back and put some more flowers in here to create a mixture of nature and city life. Geranium would be nice; it would compliment the cream tones of the wallpaper.
Penny: (impatient) Would you get back here? I like the set just the way it is.
Martha: We should take a break.
Penny: A break? But you just got here!
Martha: I will show you how to make Christmas ornaments with boiled eggs and clothing pins…
Penny: Oh please anybody! Next!
***Stuart (Mad TV)***
Penny: “I don’t know what to do, Shirl. I’ve tried everything. How can I get him to like me?”
Stuart sits munching a bowl of potato chips, looking blankly ahead.
Penny: (snaps fingers) Hey kid, that’s your cue. Say your line.
Stuart: (soft high pitched voice) I don’t wanna say it.
Penny: Your auditioning, you gotta say the line.
Stuart: I don’t wanna say it!
Penny: Say it!
Stuart gets up from the couch.
Stuart: Look what I can do!
He takes a jump, twisting his body trying to impress Penny. His mom, Dareen enters the set.
Dareen: Well who’s your new friend, Stuart?
Stuart: She’s Laverne DeFazio.
Penny: Actually my real name is actually Pe---
Stuart: Well Stuart have you shaken hands with your new friend?
Stuart shakes his head. Penny sighs, and rolls her eyes.
Stuart: Well go on shake her hand.
Stuart slowly moves closer to Penny.
Dareen: (grabs his hand and points it toward Penny’s who’s hand is already extended) Well go on!
Stuart: (releasing his hand) No, let me do it!
Dareen: Well go on Stuart! Shake Laverne’s hand!
Penny gets so impatient that she starts walking toward Stuart trying to shake his hand. But Stuart bends down, slowly, away from her until he is lying on the floor, with his legs up.
Stuart: (whining) Dooooon’t!
As Penny steps closer he kicks her and she flies across the room.
Dareen: Stuart what does mommy say about kicking people?
Stuart: I don’t wanna say it.
Dareen: Say it Stuart!
Stuart: (soflty) Kicking people will turn my legs into horse legs, and then I’ll have to eat hay and sleep in my own poop.
Penny: Neeeeext!
***Nope… still no new Shirley Feeney. The search continues…***
