The Step-Sister

Lauren "Lone Wolfette" Miller   
lonewolfette@webtv.net

ONE
Lenny & Squiggy's apartment, morning

Squiggy has just gotten the mail and is looking through the envelopes.
Lenny is sitting at the table, watching him.

"Let's see...occupant.  That's yours," Squiggy said, tossing the
envelope on the table.  "Occupant.  That's yours..."

"Squig?..." Lenny started.

"Bill..." Squiggy said, making a face.

"Squig?.."

"Occupant..."

"Squig?!..."

"Wha-at?!" Squiggy said, annoyed.  He put the rest of the envelopes on
the table and one fell on the floor.

"...You dropped one...and stop givin' me the ones for this 'occupant'
gu!" Lenny said, pushing the envelopes away from him.

Squiggy picked up the envelope that fell on the floor.

"Hey..." Squiggy said, reading the return address.  He tore the envelope
open and began reading the letter.

"What is it?" Lenny asjked.

Squiggy turned the page over, looking for more of the letter.  "This is
from y step-sister," Squiggy said.

"Step-sister?" Lenny asked, making a face.  "I didn't know ya had a
step-sister!"

"Well, ya do now...Her letter says that she's comin' to visit," Squiggy
said, still holding the letter, but putting the envelope on the table,
"tomorrow!"

"Tomorrow?"  Lenny picked up the envelope and looked at it.  "Uh,
Squig?"

"What?"

"She's comin' today!" Lenny said, holding the envelope up to Squiggy's
face.


TWO
Laverne & Shirley's apartment

Shirley is waiting impatiently for Laverne.

"Come on, Vernie!  I don't wanna be late for work again!" Shirley
shouted towards the bedroom.

"I'm comin, I'm comin'," Laverne shouted back.

There's a knock at the door.

"Don't worry, I'll get the door," Shirley shouted, sarcastically, going
over to the door.  She opened the door and found a girl standing there.

The girl was wearing a baseball cap with her pony-tail showing through
the back.  She had on a purple T-shirt and black jeans.  She reminded
Shirley a little bit of Squiggy.

"Uh...does Squiggy live in this building?" the girl asked.

"Yeah.  On the fourth floor.  Why?" Shirley asked.

Laverne finally came out of the bedroom.  "Okay, Shirl, let's get go-"
She stopped when she saw the girl standing at the door.  "Hi."

"Hi, I'm Lauren...Squiggy's step-sister," the girl said.

Laverne and Shirley stod frozen with surprise.  Finally, Laverne snapped
out of it.

"You're his step-sister?" Laverne asked.

"Yeah, I just came to visit him...Hey, he's written about you two.
You're Laverne and Shirley, right?" Lauren asked.

"Yes," Shirley answered, motioning for Lauren to have a seat on the
couch.  "You know about us?...Huh, that's funny.  We don't know anything
about you."

Lauren shook her head, "That figures, he's always been a creep like
that...but I'd still like to visit him."

Suddenly, the girls' door flies open and the boys come in.

"Hello!" Squiggy said. "Ooh..."

"You still do that?" Lauren said, glaring at him.

"Well..." Squiggy staggered.

"Is that your step-sister?" Lenny asked.

"Yeah, that's her...Everyone, that's Lauren," Squiggy said.

Lauren let out a sigh.  "Could I possibly introduce myself?" she said,
getting up from the couch.  She went over to Lenny.  "Hi."

"Hi," Lenny said.

"You must be Lenny...and let me guess, you ALSO don't know anything
about me," Lauren said.

Lenny nodded.

"Squiggy, why haven't you said anything about me?" Lauren asked.

"Well..." Squiggy staggered again.

"Nevermind.  I don't wanna know," Lauren said.

"Uh, I hate to end this conversation, but wwe gotta get to wor...You
wanna come with us to the brewery?" Laverne asked.

"Actually, I don't think I can...don'tcha have to be twenty-one?" Lauren
asked.

"Yeah, why?" Shirley asked.

"I'm eighteen," Lauren answered.


THREE
The Pizza Bowl, mid-morning

Lauren is sitting at a table.  She was talking to Mrs. Babish all
morning and is now waiting for Carmine to take her to his dance studio.

"Hey, the Big Ragoo is here!" Carmine said, coming in the door.  He went
over to where Lauren is sitting.  "Are you Lauren?"

"Yeah, you must be Carmine," Lauren said.

"Yup," Carmine answered.

"You have a dance studio, huh?" Lauren said.

Carmine nodded.  "Yeah, maybe I could teach ya..."

Lauren stopped him.  "Good luck.  I've got two left feet and no rhythm!"

"Well," Carmine paused, thinking, "I'll find ya somethin'."

"Anything's better than sitting here bored...especially since I can't go
to the brewery."  Lauren got up and the two left.


FOUR
Outside the apartment building, afternoon

Lauren is sitting on the stoop, waiting for everyone.  The girls pull up
in their car and get out.

"Hey, I hope ya haven't been sittin' there all day!" Laverne teased.

"No.  Actually, I went to Carmine's dance studio and I watched him teach
some classes," Lauren paused, seeing the look on Shirley's face.  "And
no I didn't touch him.  He's nice, though.  You're lucky to have a
boyfriend like him!"

Sirley blushed.  "Thank you," she paused.  "Have you had supper yet?"

Lauren shook her head.

Shirley continued, "How about I go get some pizzas?"

"Okay," Laverne and Lauren said in unison.  They looked at each other
and laughed.

Shirley got back in the car and left.  Laverne and Lauren went into the
building and down to the girls' apartment.


FIVE
The girls' apartment

Laverne and Lauren come in.

"So, how do ya like Milwaukee so far?" Laverne asked.

"I like it alot.  It kinda reminds me of North Adams," Lauren said,
taking a seat on the couch.

Laverne headed towards the kitchen.  "You want somethin to drink?"

"Sure, whatever you're gonna have."

"Uh, well, I was gonna have a milk'n'Pepsi."

"So?"

"If you insist."

Laverne began mixing together the drinks.  She finished and carried them
over to the couch.  She handed Lauren a glass and sat down.  As soon as
Lauren had her glass in hand she took a long drink.  Laverne watched her
in amazement.  Lauren finished and looked at Laverne.

"What?" Lauren asked.

"It's just that I've never seen anone, other than myslef, drink that so
fast...or even drink that!" Laverne said.

Lauren held up the glass to the light.  "It takes an educated pallate."

The two girls began laughing.  Suddenly, the door flies open and Lenny
and Suiggy come in.  The two go over to the couch.  Squiggy sat next to
Laverne on the arm of the couch and Lenny sat on the couch next to
Lauren.

"Is that better?" Squiggy asked.

"Squig, I meant do you have to barge in?  Atleast when you say 'Hello!'
you sorta introduce yourselves...but that was just plain rude!" Lauren
said.

Laverne gave Lauren a hug.  "I love this girl!  She puts you in your
place!" Laverne said.

Shirley walked in through the open door, with pizzas in hand.  "Pizza's
here!"  She put the boxes on the coffee table and the others immediately
dove into the pizzas.  Shirley shook her head. "Animals."


SIX
evening

Everyone is sitting around, watching TV, surrounded by empty pizza
boxes.  

Shirley keeps glancing from the TV to the boxes.  "I can't stand this
mess anymore!" Shirley said, standing up.

Laverne looked at her.  "Then clean it up.  No one's stoppin' ya."

"No, I think she meant we should help her," Lauren said, standing up.

The three girls began cleaning up, while the boys continue staring at
the TV.  

Lauren came up behind the couch.  "Fellas..."

The boys turned aroud to look at her.

Lauren continued, "You gonna help...or be vegetables all your lives?"

"I love that girl!" Laverne yelled, suddenly.

The boys mumbled something, got up off the couch, and started cleaning.


SEVEN
later that evening

All the boxes are picked up and Shirley is looking around at the nice
clean room.  "See, isn't that better?"

"What do we care?  We don't live here!" Squiggy said, laughing.

The girls looked at Lenny and Squiggy, then looked at each other.
"OUT!" they said in unison and pushed the boys right out the door,
slamming it behind them.

Laverne turned to Lauren.  "You wanna stay on our couch?"

"Sure," Lauren answered.

"I'll getcha some blankets," Shirley said, heading towards the bedroom.

EIGHT
night

The room is dark.  Lauren is trying to get comfortable on the couch.
She sits up.  "This is NOT gonna work!" she whispered to herself.  She
got up off the couch, grabbed a key for the door, and left the
apartment.  She went up the stairs, out of the building, and sat on the
stoop.  She'd been looking at the stars for a few minutes when she felt
a tap on her shoulder.  She turned around quickly.  "Lenny?!"

"Mind if I join ya?" Lenny asked.

"No, go ahead," Lauren said, scooting over a little to make some room
for him.

"What're ya doin' out here?" Lenny asked.

"I couldn't sleep.  Besides, it's only nine o'clock," Lauren said,
looking at her watch.  "What about you?"

"Well, I kept pickin' on Squig about how you keep pickin' on him and,
well, he locked me out," Lenny answered.

Lauren shook her head.  "It figures.  He can really act like a little
kid sometimes..."

"Maybe he should be more like you?" Lenny said.

"Me?  No, I don't think so..." Lauren said, trailing off.  She looked
back up atthe sky; the clouds were beginning to cover the stars.  She
sighed.  "I'd rather be more like him...atleast he's been on dates...or
he's been lyin' to me!"

The two sat for a moment not saying anything.  

Finally, Lenny broke the silence.  "I got an idea," he started, "close
your eyes."

Lauren looked at him, skeptically, "Why?"

"Just close your eyes."

"Okay, okay."  Lauren closed her eyes.  A few seconds passed, then she
felt something.  Lenny had kissed her.  She opened her eyes quickl and
looked at him.  He was smiling.

"I fixed it...Now, you've been on a date."

Lauren smiled.  "Thanks!"

It started raining...heavily.

"Maybe we oughta go in," Lauren said.

"Yeah," Lenny agreed.

Lauren jumped up from the stoop.  "See ya tomorrow!" she said, going in
the building. 

Lenny got up slowly and headed in the building.  "She can't be related
to Squig..." he whispered to himself.


NINE
morning

Laverne and Shirley come out of their bedroom and find Lauren still
sleeping on the couch, hugging a pillow.

"Maybe you shoulda given her BooBooKitty?" Laverne said, smiling.

Shirley glared at her.  "You know I don't like it when others touch
BooBooKitty..."

"...or Carmine!" Laverne added.

"True...Come on, let's wake her up."

The girls went over to the couch and began lightly shaking Lauren.
Before she woke up, she mumbled something, but the only word the girls
understood was 'Lenny'.  

Lauren finally opened her eyes.  "Morning already?" she asked, yawning.

"Yup.  Ya want breakfast?" Laverne said, going to the kitchen.

"Yeah," Lauren answered, sitting up.  She got up and helped Shirley fold
the blankets.

The three girls sat at the kitchen table.  Lauren started eating, but
Laverne and Shirley sat looking at her.  Lauren stopped eating and
looked up.

"What?" Lauren asked.

Laverne hit Shirley in the arm.

"Why were you...huggin' the pillow?" Shirley asked.

Laverne rolled her eyes, thinking that that wasn't what she was spposed
to ask about.

"I dunno..I just do that sometimes," Lauren answered.

Shirley hit Laverne in the arm.

"We heard you mumblin' somethin' about Lenny before you woke up..."
Laverne said

Lauren's eyes went wide when Laverne said 'Lenny'.
 
"Okay.  I went out to sit on the stoop at about nine o'clock last night
because I couldn' sleep and Lenny came out.  We got to talkin'...nd he
kissed me," Lauren explained and went back to eating.

Suddenly, the door flew open and the boys came in.

"Hello!" Squiggy said.

The girls started trying to make Lauren remember that she was still in
her PJ's.  She looked at them.

"What?  I'm wearin' sweats and a T-shirt...it's not like I'm in my
underwear!" Lauren said and went back to eating.

The boys came over to the living room/kitchen divider.  Lauren turned
around and looked at Squiggy.

"You still haven't learned..." Lauren started.

"I don't care!  You've made me mad as a hat rack!" Squiggy started.

The three girls started chuckling.

Squiggy continued, "You come here to visit me and ya end up makin' out
with Lenny!"

Lenny glared at Squiggy.  That obviously wasn't what he told him.

Lauren stood up and went face-to-face with Squiggy.  "We weren't makin
out!  He gave me a kiss and AI did come to visit you, but you're makin'
it kinda hard to do!  I-I wish you were more LIKE Lenny!" she yelled,
then ran into the girls' bathroom. 

Shirley shook her head.

"Maybe one of us oughta talk to her," Laverne said to Shirley.

"I will," Lenny said and he headed to the bathroom.

"Good luck..." Squiggy said.

Laverne and Shirley looked at each other.  They got up and started
pushing him to the door and finally got him to leave.

Meanwhile, Lenny is trying to talk to Lauren, but she won' say anything
- she won't even look at him.

"Awe, com'on, you know how big-a mouth he's got.  He didn't mean
nothin'!" Lenny said, trying to console her.

Lauren, who's been sitting on the side of the tub with her face covered
by her hands, sighed, and mumbled through her hands, "I dunno why I said
I came to visit that jerk!"

"Huh?" Lenny said, checking his ears.

Lauren looked at him finally.  "I only came because I wanted to meet you
guys - you, Laverne, Shirley, Carmine, and Mrs. Babish.  I could've
cared less about whether I saw Suiggyor not!"

TEN
just outside the bathroom door, the girls are eavesdropping

The door opens suddenlyand the girls are caught.

"Hi," the girls said in unison.

"You didn't have to listen at the door..." Lauren said, going over to
sit on the couch, leaving Lenny at the door.

"Well?" Laverne asked.

Lenny shrugged his shoulders.  "She never wanted to visit him.  She just
wanted to meet us...I'm gnna go give Squig a punch!"  He went o the door
and left, slamming it behind him.

The girls went over to the couch and sat next to Lauren, one on either
side.

"Just because he's my step-brother doesn't mean I have to like him..."
Lauren started, "he's such a jerk."

"Yeah, bthe's always been a jerk!" Laverne said.

Shirley gave Laverne a slap on the back of her head.  "You need to talk
to him...and not ABOUT him!"

Lauren sighed.  "Yeah, I know, bt he doesn't listen..."

Suddenly, there's a knock at the door.

"Come in," Lavene said, loudly.

The door opened and Squiggy came in, holding a hand on his gut.

"Uh, Laverne, why don't we let them talk..." Shirley said, grabbng
Laverne's arm.

The two girls wen into the bedroom and Squiggy came up to the couch.

"Can I sit...or ya gonna have Lenny punch me again?" Squiggy asked.

"I didn't TELL HIM to punch you.  If I'd had the chance first, I prob'ly
would've," Lauren said.  "You finally knocked..."

"Yeah...I heard ya through the door - I ddn't mean to listen," Squiggy
said.  "I won't be such a jerk no more!"  He gave her a pleading,
pathetic look.

Lauren surrendered.  "Okay...just stop looking at me like that!"  She
began laughing.


ELEVEN
mid-morning

Everone is sitting around playing a game of Monopoly.

"C'mon Boardwalk!..." Lauren said, shaking the dice.  She rolled them
and both die went off the table.  "What'd they land on?"

Laverne checked the dice.  "Snake eyes!"

"One, two..Park Place...shoot!" Lauren said.

Lenny put his hand out.  "C'mon, pay up!"

"I landed here the last time around," Lauren complained, handing Lenny
the money.  "I'm sick of this game.  Isn't there anything ele we could
do"

Laverne grabbed the newspaper and began flipping through the pages.
"Hey, there's a monster movie mrathon playing at the NewView!"

"Really!?" Lauren said.

"Yeah...why don't we all go?" Laverne suggested.

"I can't.  I'm gonna be going out with Carmine a little later," Shirley
said, picing up the game.

"Well, maybe the four of us could go?" Lauren suggested.

Laverne looked at Squiggy, who was now puckering up.  "No way!" she
exclaimed.

"Hm..." Lauren looked at Lenny.  "You and me?"

"Sure," Lenny answered.

The two got up and left.  Shirley stopped picking up the game.

"Those two make such a cute couple," Shirley said.  She looked at
Laverne.

"What?...Hey, I don't have a problem with that - he had the crush on me!
Don't look at me like that, Shirl!" Laverne said, correcting Shirley.
"Hey, Squig, what do you think?"

"Me?  It's none-a my business what she does.  But if anythin' happens to
her, I'm gonna run over Lenny with my beer truck!" Squiggy answered,
then left.

The girls stood silently for a moment, then looked at each other.

"Oh, please.  There's no doubt that Lauren could beat up Lenny...even
you could, Shirl!" Laverne teased.

Shirley threw a pillow at her and the girls began laughing.


TWELVE
The Pizza Bowl, afteroon

Laverne and Shirley came in and sat at a table.

"Vernie!" Shirley whispered, excitedly.  "Look oer there!"  She pointed
past Laverne.

Laverne turned around to see what Shirley was pointing at.  She turned
back around to Shirley.  She started giggling.  "I hope my Pop doesn't
catch 'em makin' out like that!"

Shirley got a strange look on her face.  "Maybe Lauren's in a little
over her head...Quick, turn away!"

The girls turned away just before Lauren and Lenny walked by.  They
stopped at the door and Lauren said something to Lenny.  He left and she
came up behind the girls.  She leaned on te backs of their chairs.

"I hope you're not checkin' up on me!" Lauren said, smiling.  "Oh, and,
by the way, we DID watch the movies..." She turned and left.

"Why do I believe her?" Shirley asked.

"Because Lenny doesn't like to miss any of the marathon!" Laverne
answered.


THIRTEEN
The girls' apartment, early evening

All three girls are sitting on the couch, watching TV.  A commercial
came on.

"Could I use the phone, I wanna call my parents?" Lauren asked.

"Sure, but don't talk TOO long!" Shirley said.

Lauren went over, picked up the receiver, and dialed the number.

Laverne and Shirley started fighting over what to watch next.

"Awe, why can't I stay longer?" Lauren asked.

The girls stopped arguing and looked at Lauren.

"Oh, alright," Lauren said.  She looked at her watch, "The next train
leaves in twenty minutes.  I'll get that one.  Bye."  She hung up the
phone and turned to te girls.  "I gotta get my stuff together and catch
that train!"

The three girls began running around like crazy to gather Lauren's
things.


FOURTEEN
night

"Boy, it's so quiet around here now.  Even the boys haven't been
around..." Shirley said.

"I wonder if she said goodbye to them?" Laverne asked.

Suddenly, the door flew open and the boys came in.

"Hello!" Squiggy said.  He looked around.  "Where's Lauren?  I were
espectin' her to yell at me again!"

Laverne and Shirley looked at each other.  They started having a slap
fight and Laverne won.

"Well...she went home," Shirley said.

"What!?" Lenny asked, surprised.

"She didn't say why - she'd called home, then had twenty minutes to
catch the train..." Laverne stopped.

Squiggy stood there silently, but Lenny turned and left.

"I didn't think she hated me that much!" Squiggy said.


FIFTEEN
The next day

Shirley was vaccuuming and Laverne was ironing.  Suddenly, the door flew
open and Lenny ran in, holding a card.

"Look at what I found!" Lenny said.

The girls came up to him to look at the card.  It read:

   "Thanx for the date!
   Now, don't be late,
   You can come visit me,
   Just don't bring Squiggy!"


THE END   :)