It was a clear winter morning outside....chilly, and crisp. The floors had not quite heated up to the normal temperature making the feet of the three women that approached the doors to the Research and Development Wing a little cold even through their shoes. The Temple was still...most girls had either gone to work or to school. Such was the way of life. For the three women entering into the science area of the Temple however, their job that day was to participate in an experiment that would forever put to rest an issue that was a difference between Qui and Obi chicks: Hair Pulling.
"So let me get this straight...." Darry walked along, her feet slapping on the floor. "We walk in there, and let them pull our hair. End of story."
Jenn looked sidelong at the nurse. "In a nutshell, yes. But there is more to this....we have to do this double blind, randomized....you know so that when we analyze the results...we can draw a conclusion that is unbiased and statistically sign...."
Dande shook her head. "Exactly."
"Oh give me a break," Darry chuckled.
Jenn sighed and hung her head. Turning her sleep tossed head to the side, she smiled. "Actually it is just an excuse for the guys to get to do stuff to us and for us to enjoy it....but no one needs to know that. Regardless, we should get some useful information."
Dande pulled the door open to let her two friends in. "Exactly....as smut girls we must dedicate and sacrifice ourselves to the science of smut."
"Such martyrs, we are," Darry sighed.
Maeve waited outside the door looking smart in the short white coat that graced her form. In her hand she held the clipboard and a pen. She looked up at the approaching women and smiled. Beside her, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan stood passively, their hands tucked into their sleeves and looks of tranquility on their faces. As the women came to a stop in front of their friend, she handed out a questionnaire to each.
"Fill out the demographic information, state type of chick you are. Leave the scaled questions and answers until after the experiment finishes...." Maeve smiled. "This is not a test...this is for information sake only...."
Darry stood on tiptoe and looked through the double sided mirror into the room beyond. She tilted her head to the side and then lowered herself back to the ground. She nudged Dande with one arm as she cocked her thumb towards the room. "Couch, shag rug, lava lamp, dry bar, and more pillows then I can count....and you call this science?"
"Science is our friend, girlie." Dande answered, grabbing the nurse's arm and leading her through the door. Jenn followed behind with the air of one used to be a lab rat. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan calmly walked in behind the girls.
Transcript of the experiment as recorded by tape:
Darry: You have got to be kidding...this looks like a scene out of Three's Company.
OW: But there are five of us in here....what?!
Dande: Okay, we need to plan this out....who wants to go first? Jenn: Well, Darry can go any time she pleases...she is the only braid lover in here. (scuffle, scuffle, slide....bang)
Darry: Sit down, Kenobi
OW: (crunch...whooosh) Ooof
Dande: You go first, Jenn.
Jenn: No, I insist, you first.
Darry: Just sit there....yes that is all you have to do...
OW: (sigh)
QG: You can go together you know...
Dande: Jenn, really....you are the primary investigator.
Jenn: And you are the co primary investigator, besides, you are the one that brought it up first.
(shuffle, shuffle...thud)
QG: Girls?
Dande: We could flip a coin I suppose.
Jenn: Is it an unbiased coin? Hold on...I think I have one here...
QG: Ermm....girls?
Dande: (Whoosh, slap) Heads Jenn: Well that's great....we didn't call anything...we have to do it again.
Dande: Well what do you want?
Jenn: Independent probability...could be either...(shuffle, shuffle)...multiplicative property... What was the question?
Dande: (sigh) you need a vacation. I call tails.
QG: (sigh)
OW: You want me to do what?
Darry: When I kneel, pull my hair.
OW: Why are you going to kneel?
Darry: Why do you think, braid boy? (tug, shuffle, rip)
OW: Ohhhh
Dande: It came up heads.
Jenn: I really think you should go first.
Dande: You like it, but you are jittery at first...
Jenn: (sigh) I prefer the word cautious.
QG: Right...that's it....GIRLS!
OW: Am I doing this right?
Darry: (muffle, muffle...)
OW: What? (scuffle, scuffle, whoosh)
Dande and Jenn: Ohhhh!
QG: There that is more like it....now what is it that I am suppose to do here?
Dande: You have to pull our hair, Master..
QG: Like this?
Jenn: (squeak) Yeahhhhh
OW: (sigh, grunt) Ahhhh
Darry: (sigh) you are suppose to hold on to my hair, not comb it with your fingers (Shuffle, thud thud thud thud thud, scrape...)
QG: Now...one of you needs to...
Dande: I'll do it.
QG: You haven't heard what I want you to do.
Dande: Doesn't matter....
QG: Jenn?
QG: Jenn?
Jenn: Hmmm?
QG: what are you doing?
Jenn: Experimenting. Gotta love science.
QG: (sigh) are you sure that you want to do that? Dande: Hey big man... (shuffle, sigh, grunt)
Dande: Ummmm
Jenn: Nghhhhh
OW: Like this?
Darry: (sigh) Let's just blow this joint and go to my room, you can do whatever you want...k?
OW: I can handle that. (door opening...end of tape)
Report to Jedi Council:
On the morning of Feb. 10, 2000, an experiment was conducted testing the hypothesis of boyo specific chick's reaction to hair pulling. The method used was one of observational, experimental epidemiology design, modified for the special circumstances presented at time of trial. Primary recorder, Maeve, reported that the questionnaires were either forgotten or ruined. The observations of the recorder and the audio tape were used for the analysis. It was concluded that Qui chicks enjoy when the Master acts out in an alpha manner, with hair pulling only acting in an additive manner. Obi chicks enjoy hair pulling in this sample population, but the Braid appears to have trouble remembering to pull the hair in the first place.
Interventions suggested by the study: None of the Qui chicks...it seems to be innate. For Obi chicks...an educational program to help the boy remember that he has to pull the hair. Suggested forms of education: reinforcement and reciprocation.
Further study needs to be accomplished before the main question of this study can be accurately answered. The question: Whether there is a true difference between Braid lovers and Master chicks remains an enigma. The results of this study lack generalizabiltiy to the general population and can only be applied to the study population given...a larger study with more participants might increase the statistical power of the test. We will seek out funding for a continuation of this study.
End of Report