Video Surveillance Tape Footage(black and white):
Door opens with a slight squeak.
Two Jedi are spied from the top...one with short, spiky hair, the other with a lion-like mane. Six women watch the entrance and two appear very close to fainting.
Eighth woman enters. Dande. "You girlies ready to get this show on the road?"
Aya (crossing her arms): "The questionnaires we filled out...." Dorotea (nodding): "Was it really important to know whether or not we like Yoda?"
Jenn's voice: "Baseline information...we can stratify on it later...."
Eiluned(grimacing): I can understand the glitter question...but ...(looks down)...our preference for sandwich toppings?
Dande: (crossing arms): "You never know what will be important..."
Eil: (sigh)
Qui-Gon: (shifting his shoulders minutely) "Ladies, I assure you, I have been involved in these experiments previously. All the information is of the most import."
Obi-Wan: Even the measuring of our...
Qui-Gon: Well...of course...Dande and Jenn said it was in the interest of science...
Jenn's voice via the intercom: (cough)
Kymira: Can we start this? Please?
Dande: Okay....all we want you girls to do...is have fun. No biting. No ripping clothes off....
Aya: (sigh) Mannnn
Dande: Just good old plain fun...and in the end....fill out the questionnaire and let us know what you liked and don't like.
Turns and walks out the door.
Jenn turned as the door opened and smiled at Dande. The two women wore white lab coats and short skirts. Their sensible heels scraped on the floor. "Do you think they'll listen to the rules?"
Dande looked the Jedi watch on her wrist. "I give them five minutes."
It was only three before the clothes started to fly. Once the cloak landed on the camera...it was back to recorder for information. MadScientist!Qui covered Jenn's eyes so that Dande was the only witness to the carnage within the room.
Eil: Hold still, Obi...this won't hurt a bit....
Carolann: What are you going to do with that olive oil, Eil?
Eil: Padawan...oil...perfect together.
Maeve: Its okay, Master...just relax.
QG: She's sitting on my chest, Maeve...it is hard to relax...(pfft, pfft) Womdbopi dooihwih
Aya: He seems to be having problems breathing.
Kymira: It's the glitter...I think I got too much in his mouth.
Dorotea: I really think it was blue glitter for the Paddlewan...green for the Master.
Aya: yup yup
Kymira: It doesn't matter...it will mingle when we all get together....
OW: It is sticky...and cold...and....my leggings!
Carolann: Just lie there, Obi...we will take care of everything. (scuffle...pull)
Carolann: Let go of my hair....
OW: OUCH!
Eil: That'll teach you....
OW: (whimper) please let go of my braid..
Dorotea: Now...Master...we have to move you over here....
Aya: He's big but we ought to be able to move him...somehow
QG: I could just walk, you know.
Kymira: Where's the fun in that....hey....stop it with the hair!
QG: (sigh)
OW: Ooooff
QG: (crunch) oops. Please tell me that was something unnecessary.
Eil: Just the glitter container.
Aya: Who's leg is that?
Dorotea: Mine...I think
Eil: That....no that is....Obi...wiggle your toes.
QG: That...is my arm.
Maeve: (giggles) Yeahhhhh
QG: Thank the Gods....one of them likes it.
Dorotea: Two of us, like it...like...that...a little harder please.
Aya: I like it....only....yes...pull a little harder....
OW: Yeouch! Watch the braid. (scuffle, scuffle)
OW: That IS my leg. Who...?
Kymira: Shhhhh. Just spreading the oil around....
Dande sighed from the room, as Jenn continued to try and remove the MadScientist!Qui clone's hand from her eyes. "What is going on?" she asked.
"I can't see a single, blessed thing."
With a shake of her curly head, Dande sighed again. "We are going to have fun with the multivariate analysis, I'm afraid...they don't act in any one way or the other."
QG: Ladies... (slip, slip....crunch...slam)
Carolann: It was your idea for the oil...
Eil: I didn't know that it would make the floor this slippery.
OW: Maybe if we all move together to the rug....
Kymira: But that would mean I would have to get off...
QG: On the count of three....
Aya: One, two....
Dorotea and Maeve: Three (scuffle, scuffle....slide)
Maeve: I like this position.
End of audio tape.
Kayla squinted down at the report on her desk. The paper itself was covered in oil and had flecks of glitter in various places. With a slight grimace, she wiped a bit off with her index finger and looked at it for a moment before shaking her hand and sending it flying. It lodged on the far side of the desk. She returned her eyes to the paper with a sigh.
Report:
On the evening of February 11, 2000, an experiment was conducted in the Research and Development Wing of the Jedi Hunkette Temple. The experiment addressed the research question: Is there a difference among Qui and Obi chicks for a preference of hair pulling dependent on their respective amounts of boyo preference? It was hoped that this experiment, when completed, would add to the current knowledge about wants and needs of the Hunkette population to make clone manufacturing easier.
The method used to gather the necessary information was a questionnaire, standardized and independently verified by an independent researcher. Observation of the ongoing experiment was conducted by Dande as the other primary investigator was temporarily blinded in a laboratory mishap. All needed forms of informed consent were obtained from participants and the complete protocol was approved by the Jedi IRB.
Upon completion of the experiment, the results were analyzed by a multivariate analysis with a level of significance of .05 percent. There was a stratification analysis done for the self-reported levels of boyo preference. Several other issues were considered but done away with at the analysis stage.
The results of the analysis found that the correlation coefficient did not belay itself to being significant. It was found, therefore, that there is absolutely no correlation between boyo preference percentage and hair pulling. It was found that Qui chicks are more likely to like green glitter, Obi chicks...blue. It was also found that oil and laminate flooring do not mix. One interesting portion of information garnished from the study was that no Hunkette likes Yoda or Jar Jar.
The major question of what makes girls like the Master or the Paddlewan better still remains unanswered at this time. There are several directions for the research to venture. One of which is a case comparison study for differences in exposure to create the outcome for which we are searching. It was decided that sammich chicks are a preference unto themselves. This subset of the population should be studied more closely.
End of Report