"Yes," Vicki growled, inspecting her jeans, which sported a paper Easter bunny.
Once again, the Geek Art Goddess had left no surface unadorned. She was swift and vicious in her decorating attacks.
* * * * *
Hava nagila
* * * * *
Vicki pushed the cart into the Coruscant Kroger, Tasha and Ziggy at her heels.
"I only have a couple of things on my list, so how about we just go down every aisle and you two put whatever you need into the cart," Vicki said. Ziggy was in charge of groceries for the Easter picnic, Tasha for the seder.
They started at the deli.
"We need a ham," Ziggy said, lifting an enormous side of pork into the cart
"Are you crazy?" Tasha retorted. "That's not kosher even when it's NOT Passover." She took the ham out of the cart and put it back. "Ahh, here's what we need." She began filling the cart with jars of gefilte fish.
Ziggy just as quickly began removing them. "Blech! You've got to be kidding."
Vicki pushed the cart down the next aisle.
"Yumm, hot cross buns," said Ziggy, tossing a package into the cart. They were caught by Tasha before reaching it.
"Leaven; not kosher. We want these." She indicated the box of matzo she threw toward the cart.
Ziggy caught it and tossed it back. "Cardboard; tastes like shit."
"Yeah, so? It's traditional."
Vicki cornered the cart into the next aisle, a mild headache beginning.
"Here we go: pineapple rings," Ziggy grabbed a can from the shelf as Tasha inspected the label from another can.
"Nope," Tasha took it from her and replaced it. "Corn syrup."
Next aisle.
"No, Tasha. No horseradish gets put into this cart." Ziggy was firm on this issue.
"No pies," Tasha admonished. "Nothing that rises; get it through your skull."
"Zealot!"
"Philistine!"
It was downhill from there.
* * *
"Is that all?" the checkout clerk asked. "You needed a cart for a family-sized pack of toilet paper and a TV Guide?"
"Shut up and sack," Vicki snarled.
"Paper!" shouted Tasha.
"Plastic!" shouted Ziggy.
Vicki wondered if the clerk would notice a double murder being committed in front of his register or would he be too busy printing out coupons for Ensure, Depends, and a host of other items that the Temple didn't need?
* * * * *
Hoppin' down the bunny trail
* * * * *
"So, let's just see if we've got this straight?" JenJen said, arms crossed over her chest, foot tapping.
She and the rest of the Obi-chicks were standing in an angry group, confronting two of their members.
"You're taking him to Disney World for a week?" she continued.
Harleen nodded.
Obi and Emmy, who was still buttoning up her shirt, walked into the lounge and found all of the Obi-chicks standing around looking irate.
"Stop!" JenJen put her hand up and they came to a halt.
"What's going on?" Emmy asked.
Obi kept his mouth shut. He might be many things, but he wasn't stupid. This crowd was capable of anything. Individually, they were mostly pussycats, (although he had his doubts about one or two of them, and the scars to prove it). En mass, however, they were a Force to be reckoned with.
"We're told," Diebin addressed Obi crisply, "that you're going to Florida, with little ole Harleen, here. I don't suppose you thought to ask the rest of us first."
"Well," Obi began slowly. "It was Vicki who first suggested it."
"Vicki?" Jael asked. "What is a Qui-chick doing getting involved with our business?" Then she thought...staple revenge?
"Vicki is our cook, remember?" Darry explained. "If Tasha, Harleen, and I stay here for the next week, she'll have a hell of a time fixing up a big Easter picnic while keeping kosher for Pesach at the same time."
"Your point being?" Carolann prompted.
"We made a deal with Vicki. If she lets us have a seder the first night of Passover, we'll take off for the next eight days." Darry finished.
"And Harleen's going to Florida." It was more of a statement than a question. "And taking him with her." Ziggy said.
Harleen looked at her. "Yes."
"What are YOU doing?" Carolann asked Darry.
"I'm going to Naboo with the Boss; hang out with the Queen, shoot a few gungans."
"Yuck, whatever," Jael replied.
"What about Tasha?" Ziggy asked, thinking that the Qui-Chicks might be in for a surprise as well.
A loud crashing sound came wafting down the stairs, followed by Banaoire shouting curses.
"Let me guess," Emmy said. "Desert holiday?"
"Yup."
The argument upstairs raged loud enough to be heard downstairs. "You have another lover, why do you have to take HIM?"
"I DON'T have another lover, and besides, you do, too!"
Obi opened his mouth to say something about meeting a new guy here earlier, but decided to cough instead, as Darry elbowed him forcefully in the ribs. He should have known better; she was the author of several of his better scars.
Look at it this way, girls," Harleen said. "Either the Padawan comes with me, or for the next week you won't be eating any bread, doughnuts, popcorn, pizza, beer, Coke, cookies, cake, potato chips, and most forms of chocolate."
The Obi girls looked at each other and then back at Harleen.
"Send us a postcard from the Magic Kingdom," Carolann said.
* * * * *
Hava nagila
* * * * *
"Now what do I do?" Qui-Gon asked Tasha.
"You put another piece of matzo on top of it all," she translated for him.
He followed her instructions and then managed to crush his Hillel sandwich into a dozen tiny pieces, spilling charoset down his tunic.
Obi burst out laughing. Darry stopped reading aloud and looked up. "Problem?"
"No problem," Tasha quickly said.
"I'll give you a problem," Ban grumbled from across the table. Luke squeezed her knee.
"Shhh!" Diebin whispered.
"I like the wine part," Shelly whispered to Dande.
"I hope Jael doesn't pass out. Five glasses is a lot."
"Shut up," Jael shouted.
Harleen took over the reading and Darry reclined even further into her chair, if that was possible.
"Where are we?" Mace asked, foundering with his book.
Jenn picked up Mace's haggadah and opened it from the other side. Then she pointed.
"Ohhh...what is this again?"
"It's about a famous biblical story, called Exodus."
Harleen paused for a breath.
"Eat when do we?" came an irritated voice at the end of the large table. "Hungry I become."
Between the combined efforts of the other four Jedi at the table, Yoda's highchair went skidding across the dining room floor and slammed into the wall.
* * * * *
Hippity hoppin'
* * * * *
"My dear, I would be delighted if you would have dinner with me at my house this evening," Palpatine said as their ship landed in Theed.
"Certainly," Darry replied. "I'll be over as soon as I get settled in the palace." She looked over her matching Louis Vuitton luggage once more, pausing to shove a small case into the inside pocket of her Vera Wang travelling suit.
* * *
"There is SO much I want to do," Amidala enthused, as Darry unpacked. I'm glad you're here for a whole week. Did you bring more videos? You know, the good ones?"
Darry emptied a case and held out several cassettes. "All the hot men in Hollywood, at your service."
Amidala grabbed the videos and looked through their titles. "'Titanic', 'Fight Club,' 'The Matrix', 'Young Guns', 'Men In Black', 'Good Will Hunting,' and 'Shallow Grave'", she read.
Darry stood up and stared off into space. Well, that's what she got for asking Emmy to help her pack. Darry grabbed the last video from Amidala's hands. "You wouldn't like this. It's full of old people."
The last thing Darry needed was to give George any more ammunition for a plot line he seemed determined to pursue.
* * * * *
Hava nagila
* * * * *
"What are you doing?" Carolann asked Banaoire, who was trying to pick open Tasha's locked door with a nail file.
"What does it LOOK like I'm doing?" Ban snapped back. "Are you gonna help and stand guard or are you just gonna scowl at me?"
"How come you're so sure about her having another lover besides Luke and Qui?"
"Something just tells me." Ban jiggled the nail file around and it broke off in the lock. "Shit."
"Stand back, ladies, I can help with that," came a familiar voice. "Don't want any of you locked out of your bedrooms while I'm here."
Ban stood up just as blaster fire melted the lock off Tasha's door.
"Thanks!" She stood and looked at the scoundrel who stood in the hall.
"Wh- wh- wh-"
"What are YOU doing here?" Carolann asked.
"Darry gave me a shout," Han said, replacing his blaster into the holster at his side with a flourish. "Said you were a couple of Hunks short."
"Well," Carolann said, taking his arm. "Allow me to show you MY room." They headed down the hall away from the Luke-chick area. Ban looked down both directions of the hallway and then slipped quietly into Tasha's room.
* * * * *
Easter's on its way
* * * * *
Darry plugged the headphones into the Walkman and started jogging. Ah, this was the life- no work, good weather, beautiful scenery, vapid courtiers. It didn't hurt to sleep in till noon either.
She finished her run and returned to the palace. Amidala was waiting for her. "Where've you been?"
"Running." Darry grabbed a towel and wiped the sweat off her face and set aside her Walkman.
"No, I mean last night. I thought we were gonna go kaadu-tipping," Amidala reminded her.
"Were we?" Darry honestly couldn't remember. Not surprising after two bottles of wine. "I must've slept though it, sorry."
"I came in here at 3 AM looking for you and your room was empty," Amidala whined.
Darry grabbed the bottle of Evian on the dresser and took a long swig, while her brain when running off on a little jog of its own in a desperate search for a believable excuse. Not finding one, it returned.
"I must've been sleepwalking again. Bet I was out on the balcony."
"You sleepwalk, really?" Amidala was interested.
"Yeah, sure," Darry said. "Listen, I'm gonna have a shower and then we'll have some fun." Darry ducked under the queen's hair to retrieve her bathrobe from a chair. "Why don't you change into something less conspicuous."
* * * * *
v'nis'm'cha
* * * * *
Vicki rapped loudly against the upright piano in the lounge. "Shelly, Qui-Gon, time to colour Easter eggs."
"Be right there," came the muffled response, followed by several musical chords that would have sent shivers down John Williams' spine.
* * *
Shana leaned over and inspected Emmy's latest creation.
"Again with the wangers?" She shook her head.
Diebin looked up. "Where'd you find wangers?" Emmy sifted through the stack of transparencies that had come with her X-rated egg colouring kit and passed them down the table.
* * * * *
Bringin' every girl and boy
* * * * *
"Are you going somewhere, my dear?" A small lamp turned on. Darry blinked and finished buckling up her Levi overalls.
"Yes, I am going out into the countryside to knock over several large slow-moving herbivores."
"At two o'clock in the morning?"
"I've found that it's really the best time for such activity."
"You do this a lot?"
Darry smiled. "No, I'm just teaching the queen an invaluable skill, one that will no doubt come in handy for the future."
"I hope you're joking."
"Hey, you never know…" Darry grabbed a long-sleeved plaid jacket and Atlanta Braves baseball cap out of her bag and walked toward the door. "Be back in a couple of hours."
"I'll be expecting a full report." Palpatine called.
"No you won't." Darry snorted.
* * * * *
Hava nagila
* * * * *
At this party the littlest padawans didn't need to be distracted. They were the center of attention, as they ran through the Hunkette Temple searching for Easter eggs.
"Where are the X-rated eggs?" Aya asked glancing around.
"I think Eiluned has one down her cleavage," Kayla said. The Qui-chicks were having their own Easter egg hunt of sorts.
"I've hidden a few in the clinic for later," Dande said.
Cooking smells came from the kitchen as bartender Mace brought out mimosas for everyone.
"Ah, the party begins." Aya toasted the assembled guests.
* * *
The Hunkettes gathered on the porch and grounds of the Temple for their picnic. The padawans had suspiciously fallen asleep on the lounge sofas just after lunch. Laure suspected the Cadbury Crème Eggs Shelly had given them had something in their centres besides sugar, but she didn't say anything.
The adults sat around inspecting the exterior of the Temple and finishing dinner.
"We really need to spruce this place up," Raven said, looking around.
"What do you mean?" Kayla asked.
"'Spruce' is right!" Jenn said. "This planet needs some TREES! "
"Well, Arbor Day IS right around the corner," Raven informed the group. "And we do have all of this spare land around the Temple.
Jael's brain started ticking over. She grabbed Kim and Diebin and the three began to whisper about landscaping.
"I think Tasha should also have a look at this, too," Kim advised.
"Tasha might be too busy," Ban muttered under her breath.
"Look!"
All eyes turned back to the picnic.
"Great," Vicki said sarcastically as Caeryn showed the assembled diners how to eat pineapple rings off their fingers.
"Dessert I want. Full I am not."
Han dropped Kymira out of his lap as he stood and drew his blaster. "Aagghhhh! What is that? It's horrible!"
Yoda looked over his shoulder at nothing, then back at Han. "Away put your weapon, I mean you no harm."
"Aw, fuck that!" Han snarled and shot Yoda.
* * * * *
A basket full of Easter joy
* * * * *
"No way! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH!!!!!" Amidala started laughing and then couldn't stop.
"Really," Darry affirmed. "I had been doing tequila shots all night. Christ, that was years ago." She grabbed another pickle out of the jar she was holding.
The sovereign wiped tears from her eyes. Then she tipped an entire bag of Skittles into her mouth. "Wow- bees are weeeewy gooooob."
"Thankfully, Tulane security never saw me. But I'm sure I'm not the first person to walk across campus in her nightgown." Darry fished out her case and extracted more papers.
The two girls sat on the curb outside the Circle N surrounded by plastic bags full of munchies and watched the traffic go by.
"Hey, you want some of these? They're greeaaat!" Amidala offered Darry a box of Frosted Flakes.
"Nah, can't eat 'em this week."
"Gosh, that..." Amidala searched for a word Darry would use, "sucks! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHH!!!!"
Darry finished rolling and licked the paper closed. Amidala reached into the bag and pulled out a stick of beef jerky.
"Want some more?" Darry asked, firing up.
"Hell, yes!" Again, Amidala searched for the appropriate vocabulary. "This is quality doobage."
* * * * *
Hava nagila
* * * * *
Ban sat on Tasha's floor, rifling through the objects under the bed. So far, all she'd found were mismatched shoes, a T-square, and a catalogue full of leather lingerie.
The week was up and Ban still hadn't found any concrete evidence of Tasha's new beau, but she was sure she would.
The Temple door slammed and she heard voices.
"C'mon, it could've been worse," Luke's voice said.
"Are you kidding, after a week, I was ready to kill them myself! You have got to do something."
Footsteps sounded on the stairs; voices drifted down the hall.
"Like what? They're family. You know how obnoxious family can be."
"Well, why does yours seem particularly awful?"
Ban grabbed at something from behind the armchair.
Tasha and Luke stood in the doorway of the room as Ban straightened up holding a black cloak.
"Right, and who does THIS belong to?" Ban accused.
"Hi, sweetheart," Luke said to Ban.
"What the hell are you doing in here?" Tasha said to Ban.
* * * * *
Things to make your Easter bright and gay
* * * * *
Obi and Harleen emerged through the Temple door carrying bags and bags of souvenirs.
"Hi everybody, we're home." Harleen called.
Carolann came running down the stairs and hurled herself at Obi.
"Miss me?" he asked, attempting to walk up the stairs with her wrapped around him.
"Not really; Han was here. But it's nice to see you now."
* * * * *
Hava nagila
* * * * *
Laure and Darry sat on the sofa in one of the lounges watching the video of "Angel" that Laure had taped.
Handing Darry the bowl of Cheetos, she said, "So, Tasha and Harleen both got tans on their little holidays. What did you get?"
"A raise."
* * * * *
Next year in Jerusalem.
Happy Easter Sibs!
(Both songs traditional)
* * * * *
Epilogue:
"It's mine, Ban! I wore it last Halloween! Now, get the hell outta here!"