"Well, I did what you asked: I gave her the list of all the food you were cooking. She just snarled at me about half of the ingredients. Either she doesn't like Mexican food or she doesn't like me."
"Or both," said Brenda under her breath, as she chopped peppers.
Later, Brenda passed Emmy on the stairs. "If your aim was to piss off Vicki and make Qui-Gon feel insecure, I'd say you've succeeded.
"Rock on," said Emmy with a smile.
* * * * *
by 5,000 untrained and outnumbered Mestizo and Zapotec Indian guerilla troops
* * * * *
Darry put her feet up on the side of the senate box and started back in on the latest issue of "Cosmo".
"Hmmm...interesting." She turned her head to the next box and helpfully informed the Mon Calamari delegation that it was National Masturbation Month.
"What are you talking about?" one of them asked in a loud whisper. Darry tore out a page of the magazine and passed it over.
"Thank you."
Then she flipped pages until she got to an article entitled "How to Successfully String Along Three Men".
Whatever they were arguing about today in session was, once again, not worth listening to. Senator Palpatine sat next to her, his appearance giving the impression that he was intent on catching every nuance of the debate.
Darry turned the page to "How to make Sexually Suggestive Party Snacks." She quickly jumped to her feet, nearly yanking Palpatine out of his chair as his hand was trapped under her Armani jacket.
"Holy guacamole! I forgot about Emmy's birthday!" could almost be heard at the far end of the room.
* * * * *
under General Zargosa at the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862.
* * * * *
"So that's vegetarian soft tacos for Emmy, guacamole and arroz con pollo for everyone else. Pico de Gallo over everything and mariachi music galore, right?" Dande asked, as she taped up Vicki's butt yet again.
Jael had gotten her hands on a gross of paper Mexican flags this time.
"That's the plan. OW!"
~*~
The list was on the refrigerator door, being held up by a magnet shaped like dead gungan.
*New go-go boots
*Lots of hot fic (for when it isn't my turn in the wanger rotation)
*A tree-house
*Obi
*Obi
*Obi
* * * * *
Although the French later occupied the town of Puebla and were not defeated and expelled for several more years,
* * * * *
"Tasha, I need to borrow Maul for a minute." Darry walked into Tasha's room carrying a box.
"Huh?" Tasha was sitting at her draftsman's desk working on a project. "I think he's asleep." She threw a pencil at him. He didn't budge.
"Wow. He must be a deep sleeper." Darry said, sitting down in the chair next to Tasha's bed and opening the box.
Tasha walked over to the bed and pulled the pencil out of Maul's thigh. "Yeah... wish I were."
"What are you talking about?" Darry pulled out a pair of Prada boots from the box and inspected them.
"Ban has been building an airplane in her room or something all afternoon. I can barely concentrate."
"Whatcha workin' on'?" Darry asked, leaning over and stomping the boots up and down Maul's red and black back.
"I'm designing a tree-house for Emmy."
"Aww, that's really sweet, Tash." Darry shifted the boots in her hands and dragged them heel-first down Maul's back.
"Hmmmm...." Maul sighed in his sleep and smiled.
"Yup, these'll do. Couldn't get Emmy new go-go boots without first testing them out." Darry replaced the boots back in their box.
"Those must have cost a pretty penny," Tasha remarked as Darry put the lid back on the box and stood up.
"Yeah, but the Queen can afford it."
* * * *
the victory at Puebla filled the people of Mexico with enthusiasm for their country,
* * * * *
"Okay, let me just see if this works," Ban said as she pulled her arm around her opposite shoulder as far as it would go.
"It doesn't look comfortable."
"It isn't."
"Well, then why are you doing it?"
"'Cause I'm trying to test out realistic positions for a collection of NC-17 stories I'm writing for Emmy's birthday present. She said she's getting bored with same-old, same-old."
"I see. And this is realistic?"
"C'mon, almost any position is realistic when you're with a Jedi." Ban smiled.
Luke smiled back. "This is true. However, need I remind you that realistic isn't necessarily comfortable...or erotic?"
"You mean you're not enjoying this?" Ban succeeded in reaching the fingers of her hand far enough around them both to grab his hair.
"OW! Not particularly. And I can't really move."
"Well, that's the whole point of being in this position on a moving object. That's what's supposed to provide the friction."
"Are you sure a chandelier is really the best movable object to use? Maybe the book meant a treadmill or a taun-taun or something---"
"Aggghhhhhhhh!" KA-BLAM! Two bodies and a large amount of cut-glass crystal hit the floor.
* * * * *
and played a role in the eventual success for the progressive reforms of Benito Juarez.
* * * * *
"What the hell am I gonna get Emmy for her birthday?" Diebin asked.
"I know what I'm getting her," Obi replied. "Okay, zip it up."
"This is not gonna work."
"Sure it will."
"I got that for you as a present. We're gonna bust it."
"No we're not. It stretches."
"Not that much. Hold it I'm losing my balance."
"Yeah, I guess we probably shouldn't have tried this on the top bunk," Obi said as they began to roll toward the edge of the bed.
"Hey, it was your idea! I told you this thing can only be worn by one person at a time."
"Yeah, but isn't this romantic?"
"Aggghhhhhhhh!" KA-THUNK
There was a knock at the door. "Padawan, are you hurt?"
"I'm fine, thanks for asking, you big prick!" Diebin yelled back.
"Got that right," came the response.
"SHUT UP, Brenda!"
Pause. Rustle, rustle.
"Shit, we're stuck. How the hell are we gonna explain this?"
"Don't worry, I'll get us out. But do you really want to now?"
True, there was something to be said for being trapped nekkid together in a red padded jacket stolen from a movie set...
* * * * *
Cinco de Mayo symbolizes the right of people everywhere to self- determination,
* * * * *
"Tell me again why we're replacing these flags?" Qui-Gon looked up at Kim, who was perched on his shoulders, exchanging the leftover American flags for Mexican ones in the ballroom.
Laura handed him up some green and red streamers. "Because this is a Mexican holiday. And even though it's celebrated in our home country, we should also hang Mexican flags. Plus we're also celebrating Emmy's birthday."
"What about me?" Panth whined, emptying an entire gallon of gin into the punchbowl.
"Will you watch what you're doing?" Dorotea yelled.
"We'll have a huge party on Anzac Day, ok?" Meave said, trying to calm Panth down and casting a suspicious eye on the punch bowl.
ShellEy sampled the mix. "Tastes good to me." She sat down precisely six inches to the left of her chair and knocked over the table. Qui-Gon whirled at the sound, and Kim went flying from his shoulders, grabbing the chandelier.
"Aggghhhhhhhh!" she wailed.
Mace looked up at Kim and Qui-Gon from the DJ booth in the ballroom. "No that's not how you do it; you're in the wrong positions completely. Jenn baby, come here..."
* * * * *
and of the ability of indigenous people to withstand an aggressive and expansive culture.
* * * * *
The night of the tenth, Emmy came out of her room intending to make her way downstairs for dinner. She was surprised to see that all of the Temple's lights were off and a trail of little candles led from her door down the hallway.
Vaguely thinking that someone had seen "The English Patient" one too many times, she followed the candles to Kayla's room, where she found a note attached to the door.
"The Qui-Chicks have gone out to the movies- that is if we can come to a consensus about what we're seeing. We will be back in a couple hours or maybe four."
She saw that the trail of candles led away from the door in another direction. She stopped at Kim's room. She inspected the note on the door.
"The Mace chicks have gone out to hold up a diner. Later."
More candles led from there down the hall to Darry's room. What a surprise! Emmy found a note attached to the door.
"The Luke chicks have gone to look at prosthetic limbs. Back in a few."
The trail of candles then led Emmy to BJ's room. The note on her door said:
"The Obi-chicks have just plain gone."
More candles trailed down the hall and over the crest of the stairs.
Okay...she thought. I've been abandoned in my own house and left with wax dripping all over the hardwood floors. Wow, is Vicki gonna be pissed. She followed the trail of candles down the stairs and smirked as she discovered they led to the hall closet.
She knocked on the door.
"Who is it?" came a high falsetto voice.
"Candygram," Emmy replied. The door opened and an arm snaked out, grabbing and yanking her into the closet.
******************************************
CENSORED FOR BIRTHDAY SMUT
******************************************
* * * * *
Today, Cinco de Mayo is celebrated especially by Mexicans in the United States as a time to honor Hispanic culture
* * * * *
"Hope they had fun." Judy said as she took another bite of Captain Crunch and looked out the kitchen window at the sleeping figures lying on the lawn.
"They should have, judging by the trail of destruction leading out there," Vicki said as she surveyed the hall that led from the foyer to the back door.
It was covered in oil, glitter and discarded clothing.
"Hey Caeryn, isn't that your throw?" Shana asked peering through the back door at the couple.
Caeryn walked to her side.
"Yesss..." she hissed through her teeth. "And Darry's too."
"Wha, wha, what?" Darry said, doing a fairly good impression of Sheila Brofslowski. She spilled her tea rushing to Caeryn's side, adding to the mess on the floor.
"Not to mention the wax all over the place," Vicki bitched.
"Aren't they cold out there?" Jael asked around a mouthful of Cocoa Pebbles.
"You shouldn't be looking at that!" Dande said, trying to cover Jael's eyes with her hand.
"Hey!" the Geek Art Goddess shrieked. "It's not anything I haven't seen before." She thought for a moment. "Well, aside from Emmy half-nekkid."
"Exactly," said Diebin. "You don't DO nekkid, remember?"
"Who's nekkid?" said Qui-Gon, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, as he and Laure walked into the kitchen together.
"Nobody!" Vicki enthused. She turned and herded everyone out of the kitchen. Why don't we all go to the table, ok? Qui, Laure, I'll bring you your coffee."
Everyone shuffled out of the kitchen and let the birthday girl and her present sleep on in peace.
* * * * *
The holiday includes festivals and parades, with singing, mariachi dancing, ethnic foods, and other revelry.
* * * * *
Emmy and Obi awoke minutes before the Chemlawn guy stumbled upon them. Deciding that a shower of water would be preferable to one of pesticides, they hastened to the Temple, wrapped in the borrowed throws.
"Wow, Raven's gonna go postal if she knew that Chemlawn was here," Emmy said as she hurried through the back door.
The Temple was quiet; it being a weekday, and they encountered no one. What they did encounter was a huge mess. Walking into the kitchen, they found waiting for them, a pile of cleaning implements, paper towels, wax scrapers, and a huge bottle of calamine lotion.
* * * * *
Fín
* * * * *
iFelíz cumpleaños, Emmy!
Commentary: http://geocities.datacellar.net/Athens/Forum/9800/cinco.html
Some great Cinco de Mayo recipes: http://www.tabasco.com/html/taste_cincoday.html