* * * * *
Tumble outta bed and stumble to the kitchen
* * * * *
"By order of the Jedi Council, all person's living with Jedi and or maintaining relationships with Jedi are to be gainfully employed on the first day of September in observance of Terran Labor Day," read Laura.
"What the ^%$^%$?" Aya asked.
"No idea," Laura replied.
"Did you know anything about this?" Panth turned to Qui-Gon, who sat on the floor STILL trying to put together the Rob Roy three-dimensional puzzle the Qui-chicks had started on Memorial Day.
"Not a clue. The Council rarely informs me of anything," Qui-Gon sighed, as he squinted at the colors on the puzzle piece he held.
"You got that right," intoned Mace, sitting in a chair by the fireplace, watching re-runs of "Police Woman" with Jenn and Kim.
"Well, YOU must know something?" Panth turned to Mace.
" I sure do! That Pepper is one mighty fine lady," Mace smiled.
* * * * *
Pour myself a cup of ambition
* * * * *
"We're all supposed to take this personality quiz and send it back to the Council for placement in our perfectly matched job." Diebin said, reading the same form, which was held to the fridge by a magnet shaped like an Ewok being bludgeoned to death by a gaffi stick.
"I already have my dream job," Dande said from the kitchen table, sipping coffee.
Jael also sat at the table, a model of concentration, tongue caught between her teeth, eyes focused carefully, as she filled out every last question on the form. Then she stood and walked toward the entrance hall closet. She bent and slipped the form under the closet door. "Obi!" Jael called. "Please deliver that to the Temple next time you go, ok?"
"Sure thing," replied Emmy's voice from behind the door.
* * * * *
Yawnin', stretchin', try to come to life
* * * * *
"What is my favorite color?"
"Maroon?" Luke guessed, looking at the sheets on the bed.
"Actually, it's green. What's yours?"
"I like blue…" Darry began to write 'blue' on her form. "But I also like green." Darry began erasing 'blue' on her form.
"Which is it, farmboy?"
"Oh, blue, I guess," said Luke, channel surfing. Darry re-wrote 'blue'. "Hey, isn't this supposed to be for YOU to answer?"
"Yeah, so? I have two jobs I love. I'm not going to let some poncey group of weirdos sitting in what looks like an old HoJos diner tell me what should be doing for a living. What's your mother's maiden name?"
"Oh, um strawberry or raspberry or some kind of berry. How can that possibly be important on a personality quiz?"
"Damned if I know. Croutons or bacon bits? Who wrote this?"
"Oh look! The Jeffersons are on."
"What's your father's date of birth?"
"Er…"
* * * * *
Jump in the shower and the blood starts pumpin'
* * * * *
"They're here!" shouted Amy, as she passed out everyone's envelopes containing their dream job assignments.
"So, let me get this straight. This IS only for one day, right?" Caeryn asked the assembled Hunkettes.
"I think we're supposed to be doing them forever," said Kayla, reading her letter. "Which would really SUCK ASS!" she finished.
"Uh, that good, huh, Kayla?" Brenda asked.
Shelley couldn't stop laughing as she re-read her letter. Laure had fainted and Dande was trying to revive her by waving the noxious paper she had received in front of the stricken girl.
"This oughta be interesting, to say the least," Ban said.
* * * * *
Out on the streets the traffic starts jumpin'
* * * * *
"My dear, another day off?" Senator P. was irked that he kept losing his aide and main squeeze to ridiculously named Terran holidays.
"Look, you'll have someone here, ok? I found…uh…a replacement." Darry packed up her things and made to leave.
"But I have to give a speech tomorrow. You know how I enjoy your presence in the Senate when I'm speaking."
"I know how much you like fondling my knee in the Senate before your speeches. You'll be fine." Darry turned at the door. "But I suggest you keep your hands off my replacement. She's…ah…not as fond of you as I am." Darry blew him a kiss and walked out of the office.
* * * * *
And folks like me on the job from 9 to 5
* * * * *
Bright and early, the Hunkettes set out for their new jobs. Several of them met in the foyer.
"Panth, is that you under that hair and big floppy shoes?" Laura asked.
"&^%*^$%," Panth replied. She flopped out of the Temple and hailed an air taxi. "Kim? You're a cab driver?"
"Whadda's it look like? Now are you getting in or am I just wasting my time, Bozo?" Panth climbed into the cab, and it sped off, narrowly missing a school bus.
The Temple doorbell rang. Aya answered the door.
"Hello. May I speak to the lady of the house?" Shelley tried to say without laughing and failed miserably.
"Shelley, what are you doing here?" Aya demanded.
"I'm practicing. Now shut up and let me finish! You know, one can never have enough AVON products in one's life…" Shelley dissolved into hysterical giggles and Aya closed the door in her face.
* * * * *
Workin' 9 to 5, what a way to make a livin'
* * * * *
"Frakin' fanboys! I'm gonna frakin kill them all!" Emmy groused as she stood poised on the top step of a large ladder and restocked the Coruscant SuperTarget with talking Jar-Jar figures.
"Hey lady," shouted up a 12 year-old child from below her. "Got any early editions of the new Obi-Wan action figure? You know the one where he looks like Grizzly Adams wearing the same old Jedi robes? It comes with that cool action movement where it just falls down on the ground for no apparent reason…"
"KILL YOU!" Emmy shouted from her perch and upended a dozen Furbies onto the child.
* * * * *
Barely gettin' by, it's all takin' and no givin'
* * * * *
"So 'feelings mostly' is all you remember about your mother?" said Jael, trying not to fall asleep. "When did you lose your her?" She asked the strangely familiar-looking woman.
"She died when I was very young," replied her client.
"And you're just now getting grief counseling?"
" It's taken me a long time to come to terms with many of my family issues," said the woman.
"Ah."
* * * * *
They just use you mind and they never give you credit
* * * * *
"I said NO RUNNING!" Tasha shouted loudly at the group of youngsters, who seemed intent on ignoring her. Then she sat back, applied some more zinc oxide to her nose and blithely began twirling her whistle around her fingers again.
* * * * *
It's enough to drive you crazy if you let it
* * * * *
"And..uh…therefore…it's important to set attainable goals…uh …for yourself as well as your employees," Laure finished, looking out over her audience, who were blandly staring back at her. "Why don't we all…uh..give ourselves a pat on the…uh back….for being such good people," she finished.
Her audience hardly looked motivated, she thought glumly.
* * * * *
9 to 5, for service and devotion
* * * * *
"Well, at least I got to wear the Halston," Darry thought irritably to herself as she made eye-contact with the next person coming off the escalator. "Hi there! Would you like to try the latest scent from the Chez Dagobah?" She chirped.
Darry sprayed them down with the vile stuff before they had a chance to refuse. So this is what she got by filling out the form as Luke. Somewhere, something was very amiss in the Jedi Order.
* * * * *
You would think that I would deserve a fair promotion
* * * * *
"Welcome to Subway, may I take your order?" Aya asked for the 100th time.
"Yeah," said the person on the other end of the phone. "I'd like a turkey with everything except jalapeños, please. And can you deliver that?"
"Sure, what's the address?" Aya chewed on the end of her pen in order to stop sampling all the sammich ingredients.
"It's uh…312 Coruscant Way."
"Is that a business or residence, ma'am?"
"It's a business," came the embarrassed reply.
"And what's the name?" Aya had pen poised to write.
"Jake's Head Shop and X-Rated Video Arcade," said Caeryn miserably.
* * * * *
Want to move ahead, but the boss won't seem to let me
* * * * *
"I just have to say that every time I come in here, things just get more and more expensive," said the obnoxious woman with the blue-rinsed hair, holding her checkbook in one hand and squeezing her small fat poodle with the other. "What have you got to say to that, hmm?"
"Will that be paper or plastic?" Diebin muttered through gritted teeth.
* * * * *
I swear sometimes that man is out to get me
* * * * *
"Well, as you can see, your dohickey is completely unlatched from the manifold thingymabob, and your timing…uh…suspender is loose," Dorotea waffled, wiping her hands on her dirty coveralls, which sported her name written over the breast in red embroidery thread on a white fabric patch.
"What does that mean, exactly?" the befuddled client moaned.
"You got any duct tape?" Dorotea asked.
* * * * *
Mmmmmmm
* * * * *
"And so you see..uh…ladies and gentlemen of the jury," Eiluned intoned, pacing back and forth. "Acquit my client because he…uh…" she walked back to the defendant's table and rifled through a sheaf of papers, "he looks innocent enough and I'm sure he's really sorry he did it."
The members of the jury looked at Calvin the Killer and reckoned he didn't look very innocent.
* * * * *
They let your dream just a' watch 'em shatter
* * * * *
"So that's a half-caff decaf mocha latte with skim milk and triple sugar," Kayla repeated back to the customer.
"And I want cocoa sprinkled over half of it," the man said.
"How can I sprinkle over half of it?" Kayla asked.
"Well, the Starbucks across town manages to get it right," the customer bitched.
Kayla looked heavenward and cursed the Jedi Council for the nth time.
* * * * *
You're just a step on the boss man's a' ladder
* * * * *
"I feel like George Lucas in this get-up," Brenda complained, as she lugged the heavy trimmer to yet another tree in the private garden of Malaestarean senator. Halfway up the ladder, the trimmer slipped from her fingers and she decided just to sit and watch it fall to the ground.
* * * * *
But you got a dream he'll never take away
* * * * *
Calvin the Killer was led in chains with the rest of the prisoners he was shackled to off the bus and to the gate.
"Your mommas aren't here to help you now, boys," Amy said darkly, while walking up and down the line. "If any of you even thinks about escaping, you'll be toast before you reach the fence."
* * * * *
On the same boat with a lot of your friends
* * * * *
"And today, we'll have scattered clouds mostly in the late morning, and the skies should clear up by early evening." Ban stood in front of the huge blue screen in her power suit and pointed haphazardly toward what she hoped was part of the map with a long stick. "Tomorrow, the forecast calls for mostly sunny with the occasional storm in parts of the city," she continued, having no clue which part of the city that might be.
* * * * *
Waitin' for the day your ship'll come in
* * * * *
"So, baby, whereya from?" The burly man sitting next to Dande on the girder slapped her on the back so hard she almost fell off to plunge hundreds of feet to the ground.
Dande opened her lunchbox and carefully unwrapped a delicately made sandwich. The burly man sloshed coffee from his thermos all over them both.
Get me outta here, Dande thought, pushing her hard hat out of her eyes…again.
* * * * *
And the tide's gonna turn an' it's all gonna roll you away
* * * * *
Knock, knock, knock.
"Maid service," Jenn said flatly ramming the heavy cart into the door with a loud thud.
There was no answer, so Jenn pulled a key from her waist and opened the 247th room of the 840 she had to clean.
* * * * *
Workin' 9 to 5, what a way to make a livin'
* * * * *
"Senator," Shana growled under her breath. "If you don't take your hand off my leg this instant, Darry will be considerably upset by your lack of any functioning parts the next time she sees you."
"Ah. Point well taken, Ms. Nolan," Palpatine said smoothly as he stood to deliver his speech.
END
Have a happy Labor Day. Don't work too hard!
Lyrics by Dolly Parton