Friday- the 11th hour
Darry walked into the office, her briefcase in one hand and a large metal cage in the other. She ignored the stare of the secretary and proceeded through to Senator Palpatine's office.
She set the cage on the desk and opened it, then walked through the adjoining door to her own office.
She removed the jacket to her Ralph Lauren suit and hung it behind her chair. Then she sat down and began typing a very long and very good speech into a datapad.
* * * * *
Later in the afternoon, the Senator arrived after the session ended for the day. He stopped at the newly-repaired secretary's station and picked up his mail and messages. Then he strode into his office and almost broke his neck as he skidded through the rabbit shit that had accumulated by the door.
"Ms. Willis," the com squawked.
"Yes?" she called innocently.
"Did you find Mr. Jaggers or did my secretary happen to run across him on Alderaan?"
"I found him. He must have tried to follow you to work yesterday because he was outside when I came in this morning." Palpatine didn't really need to know what time Darry had arrived.
"Ah, well, would you have the custodial staff come up and take care of the…uh…"
"Yes sir, right away." She broke the connection and made the call. The minute she finished, her com chimed.
"Darry Willis."
"Darry, thank god you're there." Dande sounded desperate.
"What's the matter? Did we run out of glitter again?"
"No, this is worse. The boyz didn't know that we have a long Terran weekend coming up and the Jedi Temple scheduled an Outward Bound hiking trip on Hoth."
"What?"
"You heard me. We have a three days of no school and no work coming up and now we have no Jedi. I don't suppose you could arrange something?"
"Like what exactly?" Darry stood and began pacing the floor in her Gucci pumps.
"Like canceling their trip or melting Hoth or something?"
"Uh, yeah, let me just check the Yellow Pages for planet melters. Strange, there don't seem to be any. We're a few years too early for any planet destroyers, so I guess we're S.O.L. on that score, Dande." Darry leaned over her desk and idly flipped through her rolodex.
"Hmmmm…."
"What?"
"Maybe we can have a little holiday ourselves." Darry mused.
"I'm NOT going to Hoth. My horse would freeze and there's no way I'm putting my tack on a taun-taun."
"No, I meant a little holiday from the boyz."
"Oh, and just who WOULD we spend the holiday with?"
"Dande, do me a favour and pull the Hunkette charts. I need some info from them. Fax them to me, ok?"
"All right."
Dande and Darry had made charts for every member of the Hunkette Temple when each woman had arrived. These contained vital statistics such as Jedi of choice, favourite foods, Terran address and who to contact in case of a Jedi emergency. Darry now used this information as well as her Senatorial expense account and made a few very long distance calls.
* * * * *
"Senator, I'd like you to look at this speech. I think Naboo would do well to hear it." Darry sidled into the office and watched as Palpatine tried to feed his rabbit the philodendron on his desk. "But first I'm going to run to the commissary and get some food for Mr. Jaggers."
She returned with an Endorian salad and watched Mr. Jaggers dig in. Darry had spent most of the late afternoon on the com. Now, she needed to make sure SHE didn't get stuck working on Monday as well.
Palpatine looked up. "I've been reading this speech. It's very eloquent and quite inspiring. But why do you think Naboo needs to hear it?"
"Let's see, one group of beings being subverted by another. I think it applies."
"But the Gungans don't mix with the Naboo and vice versa. Why should we change a pattern that's been in existence for centuries?"
"That's just the attitude the original speaker was confronted with, too. Believe me, it's going to be in your best interests to have the Naboo and the Gungans be friendly with each other in the long run."
The Senator sat back in his chair as Darry perched on the side of his desk and crossed her legs, swinging them casually.
"Perhaps you're right," mused Palpatine, not looking up. "Besides, I really should return Mr. Jaggers back to his owner."
Darry raised an eyebrow. "Who does he belong to?"
"Sabè, one of the Queen's handmaidens. I think his name is actually Fluffy or Snuffly or some such piffle. I just thought the name Mr. Jaggers suited him better."
Darry looked quizzically at her boss. "And you did this why?"
"I wanted the Queen to have a bit of domestic trouble this week so she would not bother me about which way I'd be voting on a few issues."
"Well, with that and the Ricky Martin poster, I'd say she was distracted enough."
"My dear, I want you to accompany me to Naboo. After all, this is your idea." He patted her knee. Darry stood and began pacing around his office.
"Me? Naboo? Oh, I don't know…." She thought about the calls she had made earlier and how she, personally, had run up against one brick wall after another.
"The Queen would be charmed to meet you." Palpatine pressed.
Darry sighed. "OK, let me go home and pack a few things."
"We should get started, if we're going tonight. I'm sure the Queen would have some clothes you could borrow."
"Absolutely not." Darry walked toward the door. "I want triple overtime and please tell me Maul is NOT coming along."
* * * * *
Darry arrived at the Temple to find the Hunkettes milling around in a pissed-off daze.
"No fear, ladies. I've taken care of everything." Darry marched up to her rooms and began packing. She and Palpatine were booked on a commercial flight to Naboo that left in one hour.
"Hey Panth," called a male voice from the top of the stairs. Panth looked up. "Do you think a guy like me could get a drink around here?"
Tasha elbowed Panth in the ribs. "That's…that's…"
"Han!" shouted Panth as she ran up the stairs and grabbed him by the arm. "I'm sure I have a bottle of something in here," she said, yanking him into her suite.
There was a knock at the door. Tasha opened it and stared.
"Is your name Tasha?" asked a handsome young Hispanic man holding up a badge.
"Uh…uh…uh," Tasha muttered.
"That's her," said Jael wandering in from the kitchen.
The man grabbed Tasha's wrists and handcuffed them behind her back. "Hunkette Tasha, My name is Detective Rey Curtis. I'm placing you under house arrest for being so wonderful. Now, let's go."
"Upstairs," Jael pointed absently, since Tasha's vocal chords seemed to have stopped working. Detective Curtis led Tasha upstairs.
"Ahhhhh!" came a cry from one of the lounges. "That was my mother's nicest silk scarf. She didn't even know that I had it."
"Well, sorry, pet. Nothing worse than the taste of blood mixed with clothing," came the response. Well, thought Darry, that's Laure taken care of.
Brian Adams wailed from out of Jenn's rooms. "Incoming!" she shouted and everyone in the foyer ducked as she and someone looking suspiciously like a famous medieval outlaw swung from one end of the tall room to the other, Jenn hanging off him.
Darry finished stuffing her sweats and Luke's abandoned shirt into her bag and closed the door to her suite.
She bounded down the stairs, ran to the kitchen, winked at the pensive and world-weary young man waiting for Vicki, stocked up on supplies, then strode over to the closet by the main Temple entrance to retrieve her overcoat.
She heard heavy breathing from behind the closet door and then: "Those are a fine pair of go-go boots. You must be a Tauran. Leave them on."
"Only if you put out that disgusting cigar. We are in a closet, you know."
Darry knocked on the door. "Starbuck, mine's the tan London Fog."
The door opened and Darry's coat was thrust into her hands.
"Where are you going?" Jael asked, as Darry made to open the front door.
"Naboo; gotta work this weekend."
"And miss all this?" Jael gestured around as the Hunkettes found themselves swept off their feet by their "emergency back-up Hunks".
"Well, my other big fav seems to be stuck in 12th century England at the moment, the Law & Order union would only loan out one detective at a time; Data's a pain in the butt when he has his emotion chip in; Ralfe Fiennes is at the Golden Globes; Sam Neill is filming somewhere; and Mr. Spock won't hit Pon Farr for another five-and-a-half years. So, triple overtime and girl-talk with the Queen will suffice. But YOU have a good time, ok?
Jael looked around. "I guess I will," she said.
Darry opened the door and found herself staring at an FBI badge.
"I've come to investigate a report of vampires at this address. Perhaps you know something about this?" said the hunky federal agent.
"She can help you with that." Darry pointed to Jael. Upstairs Laure's door could be heard slamming. The kitchen door slammed immediately after.
* * * * *
"When do you eat the Triskets, then?" Queen Amidala asked before she carefully squeezed Cheez Whiz directly into her mouth from the canister, as Darry had shown her.
"Either before or after the Cheez Whiz," Darry instructed. "It IS acceptable to eat them together, so long as you remember to put far too much Cheez Whiz on the Trisket.
Amidala nodded around a mouthful of processed cheese food.
Darry loaded up a Trisket and took a swig of Diet Coke.
"Tell me about this place where you live. It sounds very…interesting," Amidala ventured.
"Mhh-huhhh."
"Do you ever get visits from boys?"
Darry stopped chewing and looked quizzically at the Queen. What exactly HAD Palpatine told her about the Hunkette Temple?
"Occasionally," she waffled.
Amidala blushed. "Do you have a favourite?" she asked tentatively.
"I divide my time between two fellows, at the moment, your majesty."
"What are they like, these two boys?" The Queen continued her interrogation. Darry pulled out manicure equipment in preparation for the next holovid from the stack they were slowly getting through.
"Well, one's very sweet and kind, sometimes a little naive," she said, thinking, 'wonder where he gets that from?' and 'this is too weird', considering who she was describing and to whom she was describing him. "The other is a bit of a rascal from time to time and very…thuddable," she finished, for lack of a better word.
"Hmm…they both sound nice." Amidala smiled.
"They are," said Darry, opening a box of Twinkies.
The holovid came to a raucous end and Darry began rewinding it.
"That was great," Amidala enthused, holding up her hand and making the peace symbol with her fingers. "Girl Power!"
"What kind of guys do YOU like, your majesty?" Darry asked as she popped the next vid into the wall screen.
Amidala blushed again. "I told you, I don't have a boyfriend."
"I know," Darry said, handing the sovereign a Twinkie. "But what kind of guys do you go for? "
"Oh, I don't know…" Amidala began, watching the opening titles of Thelma & Louise. "Tall, dark and handsome, I guess."
Darry finished arranging every shade of OPI polish ever made and thought to herself, 'Oh well, two out of three ain't bad.'
* * * * *
"But there is something that I must say to my people who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred..."
Darry stood on the dais overlooking the crowd of Naboo and Gungans who eyed each other warily and listened to the stirring words first spoken by a brave and far-sighted man from Earth.
* * * * *
"How long before the ship leaves?" Darry asked as she and Palpatine packed for their journey back to Coruscant. "I'd like to call the Temple and see if all is well…well, still standing."
"Not long, my dear, in fact, we should pay our respects to the Queen before departing." Darry smoothed down her Liz Claiborne travelling clothes: crisp white collarless shirt, camel-coloured cardigan and chocolate-coloured wool trousers.
"I'll call from the ship," she said, suspiciously eyeing one of Palpatine's cases that seemed to be moving and meowing. "OK, what is this?" Darry accused, reaching into the diplomatic bag.
"It's a…"
"Kitten," Darry finished. "No doubt belonging to another of the Queen's handmaidens. I am not taking care of any more pilfered animals. If you want to distract the Queen, I'm sure I can come up with a few suggestions."
"Splendid," said Palpatine, as Darry placed the kitten on the palace floor, where it scampered off in search of its mistress.
* * * * *
"Hunkette Temple. Seth Plate speaking." The connection sounded awful.
Darry wracked her brains trying to remember who had scribbled Seth's name on her data form. "Uh…is…Diebin there?" Darry asked finally recalling the right Hunkette.
"Uh, yeah, hold on. It's for you." He traded places with Diebin in order for her to stand closer to the com and allow him to stand under the hot water spraying from the shower. Dande had insisted that each bath be equipped with a com (for emergencies, of course).
"Darry, is that you?" Diebin called over the sound of running water. "This is a horrible line. Where are you?"
"On a ship. Hold on, I'll stand in the loo, it might be a little quieter there." Darry, holding her hand-held comlink/lady-shaver, moved into one of the cramped lavatories on the commercial carrier. It was better, but not much.
"How was the trip to Naboo?" Diebin asked, shouting over the din.
"Went really well. The Queen says 'hi'. I trust things are all right there, no fights or anything. I was a little worried about a couple of those guys."
"Well, I really haven't left my rooms much…" Diebin admitted. "But I haven't heard any shouting or breaking glass…that is, beyond the usual amount. The soap is over there, sweetheart."
"Good," shouted back Darry. "Thank you, Senator, I'll have ginger ale. Just leave it there. Well, I won't keep you; it sounds like you're busy. I said, just leave it there."
"That's ok, Dar! This is the fourth shower we've taken this weekend. Loofah-time!"
"I'll be back tomorrow. Space travel seems to take as long as air travel does. Darry continued. "Senator, there isn't room in here for two people."
"Don't worry. Dande locked the door to your rooms. I'm sure nothing's been stolen or broken. Hehehehe."
"I'm not worried, Die, I figured people would be too busy to even eat. Okaaaay…I guess there IS room in here for two people."
"It's a good thing, too, because Vicki hasn't thought of anything except Angel for the last 48 hours." Diebin bellowed.
"As it should be, Die. Ack- this sweater cost a lot of money, don't just pull the damn buttons off!" Darry shouted back.
"You might want to stop and get us a pizza on your way back to the Temple." Diebin suggested. "Seth, have you ever eaten pizza? Oh right, you've never eaten."
"…uh…anything special on that pizza, Die? Ow, my arm doesn't bend that way."
"Seth?" Diebin asked.
Mumble, mumble.
"Everything, Dar!" Diebin called. "Got that Seth, baby? Everything…"
"Sure, Die, no problem. Pizza with everything …yeah…."
"Yeah.…uh, Dar?"
Silence.
"Did you say something, Diebin?"
"I think now might be a good time to end this conversation, don't you think?" Diebin roared over the noise of the shower, ship's engines, and heavy breathing.
"Good plan," Darry broke the connection and dropped the comlink into her cheap plastic glass of ginger ale.
* * * * *
End
Remember, MLKJr Day is not just a day off from work.