1. I admit that I am powerless when separated from the Smut Side; I use my dependence on reality in a desperate and futile attempt to fill that void.
2. When I feel compelled to be overly responsible in my real life, I will immediately turn to a Jedi smut fic or nekkid Jedi fan art to get myself back on the smut track.
3. When faced with a challenging situation, I will automatically envision a nekkid Jedi (or black-leather-clad Jedi or FM-boots-only Jedi) sitting in my cubicle, lecturing at the podium, lounging on my sofa, riding in the passenger seat, stuffed in my shopping cart, etc.
4. The following words/phrases will become a part of my daily vernacular:
SlutObi / DomObi / AnimalObi
Djinn / PossessiveMaster / AnimalQui
FM Boots
Click. Click. Click
Black. Leather. Jedi.
Oil. Glitter. Tongue.
Nekkid. Trussed-Up. Jedi.
wanger
nnnghh
5. I will give into my lustful thoughts and desires by writing Jedi smut fic. I will strive toward excellence in my ability to hide my notebook, Word document, paper napkin, etc. from my boss, professor, children, etc. I will ascend to a state of dual functionality.
6. When listening to music I will pay particular attention to how each song can be construed into a theme for the Jedi of my choice. This will ensure that I feel the Smut Side flowing through me on those unfortunate occasions when I am separated from my computer.
7. The numbers 6 and 9 will no longer work on my phone. I will then go buy a new phone and program Jedi Rescue into the speed dial function. When Bill Gates offers to implant brain computers on an experimental basis, I will be the first in line in order to cut down on the Jedi Rescue response time.
8. When faced with any form of dessert (especially if it contains chocolate), I will automatically postulate - either silently or aloud - on how that dessert would look, feel, and taste on a nekkid Jedi. I will never again be able to eat Thanksgiving dinner at Grandmother's house without drooling at the sight of a Redi-Whip can.
9. When I read an interview with Ewan McGregor, and he makes wanker-esque comments about Star Wars fans, I will convince myself that he is referring to fanboys only, and that he would have an entirely different opinion if he knew me or any of my Smut Sisters. In fact, I will rationalize every single wanker-esque comment he makes in any forum regarding any subject.
10. I will cover my ears and repeat the phrase, "La-la-la-la-la," when I hear any of the following words: shishkabob, barbecue, flambe, death, or Natasha.
11. When I hear George Lucas say that obsessed Star Wars fans need to get a life, I will convince myself that he is referring to fanboys only (see Step 9). I will then look around my home from my vantage point in front of the computer and gesture to the lack of a single clean dish or item of clothing as evidence that I do, in fact, have a life.
12. Above all else, I will work tirelessly to let the Smut Side flow through all estrogen carriers. I will work with and support my Smut Sisters in the collective effort to infuse the power of the Smut Side into the galactic female consciousness.